Genesis of the Second Shinji
by Takashi Waya
Summary: New Summary  Shinji undergoes a change which alters his perspective of life and himself. Set after episode 24 and ignoring 2526DaREoE, this story is based on the first month of his life as the Second Shinji. Warning : Moderately DARK content some WAFF too
1. The Stone

Disclaimer : I do not own Evangelion, although like many others I wish I did. I own none of the characters. This is a normal Eva fic, not sure about Eva battles because I am trying to focus on Shinji's torment and hopeful revenge, hehe. Read and Review, I need criticism and I need to know people are reading this garbage. Anyhoo, on with the show!

Right then

'Thought'

"Speech"

"(Actions in speech)"

-

"So what am I supposed to do now Misato?"

"I don't know Shinji… there isn't anyone on the planet who can answer that question, people need to answer that from inside themselves. Sometimes people draw off their own experiences to give a sort of answer but they are never very good and to be quite honest, you are an exceptional case."

The purple haired Major's eyes made sure they couldn't make contact with her charges. She knew that he would either be staring at the lake more, or staring up at her wanting her to be the mother that she can never be. She stared at the stars as they appeared in greater and greater numbers, the area they sat in was quite far from the centre of town, here the light pollution was almost at a minimum. For a time she found herself lost in the stars hoping that her own problems would simply be lost in the infinity. After a few moments she noticed that Shinji had still not spoken, she mused for a moment that he was actually trying to figure out his next step but she knew better. Her assumption was proved correct a few moments later, when Shinji did speak again.

"But I don't deserve to live… I killed him…"

"SUCK IT UP!"

Shinji was shocked by this one, before he had sat with his legs held up against his chest and his eyes staring vacantly at the water with every sentence, this last one made his eyes widen. They were already watering from thinking of Kawouru so it was incredibly easy for him to break down completely. Misato watched as he moved in almost a textbook manner, first there was the crying, then his legs were held tighter, bringing them upwards until he was his smallest possible shape. If he had been knocked over at this point he would have resembled a foetus in a mother's womb.

"Pathetic."

This hurt Shinji even more, not just because of its meaning, or even who said it, but simply who it reminded him of. There was only one person in the world that called him that word, although it certainly wasn't the only negative word he had been called, it was the favourite and almost reserved word of one person. That one person who held all his hate in one hand and all his love in the other, while he held only her hate in his. He tried to push every image he had of her out of his mind at this point as he remembered every word and insult she had ever said to him.

'She never needed a reason to hate me… NO! Don't think that! Why? She's a stupid bi… No! I care about her! She only hurts those around her, why bother with her? NO NO NO SHUT UP!'

Shinji's eyes shot open, he stood up slowly, almost drunkenly, and he looked up at his guardian, who had turned to the lake. He retook his position on the ground and Misato sighed.

"Are you coming home?"

"No thanks. I'm going to stay here a little longer."

"Alright… don't be too late."

Shinji nodded a little and then gazed back out to the lake, although Misato thought he was deep in thought he was actually following her. His eyes had closed a little and were turned to the side and he was following her footsteps with his ears. The 'clip' of the heal and the 'clop' of the sole, Clip, clop, clip, clop he followed every step to the car. The click of the keys and the shunt of the door opening, then the rest all blurred as the door shut and the car disappeared down the road. Eventually he could just see the headlights out of the corner of his eye, then when he finally sure she was gone he stood up.

"I have to sort this out."

'I'm talking to myself, this isn't healthy!'

"Although thinking like that is talking to yourself too… no I need this, I need my ears to hear it."

He brushed off his trousers, he looked around the area, up at Kawouru's perch, at the beach and at the tire tracks. He then focused his thoughts, he had never tried to order them, or give them any sort of meaning, in truth he had tried to hide them, even from himself.

"In order to get over this I need to do what she said. I need to suck it up. I can't let it get me anymore… I'll try… for you Misato!

Meanwhile Misato sped into town, her cell-phone beeped and she looked at it for a few seconds. The name on the phone, the caller ID, she couldn't believe it.

"Ritsuko."

She said down the receiver, part of her wanted to be excited, talking to her friend but then there was the possibility of it being section 37 checking numbers and also the knowledge that Ritsuko was a bit nutty and a crap friend.

"Yes Major Katsuragi, it's me."

In a way Misato was relieved but she still felt like there was something nagging at her.

"So they released you?"

"Yes, it seems that the objects in question were not disclosed to the committee, and thus they ordered Ikari to release me and get me back to work."

"That is good, we need your help more than ever!"

For a moment the old Misato, Captain Katsuragi appeared, the Misato that used to live in the apartment and rarely go to work, not rarely go home and live in the office. While Misato frowned and tried to regain her composure, Ritsuko had sensed the innocence and she gave a small smile to it.

"Well I have been reviewing the data, I was hoping you would be free to see me about Shinji's recent status."

"When did you have in mind."

"Now?"

"Well I'll be at NERV in… 5 seconds."

Misato had been driving in autopilot during the entire journey, with the city so deserted it was easy to forget the usual rules and laws and just switch off. It did add to the mounting evidence that she was spending too much time at the office when she drove there on instinct. She placed the phone down and took the journey, she passed her own office on the way to Ritsuko's, stopped in and dropped some things, before picking up Shinji's recent progress report. She stepped into her colleague's office in silence and their greeting was very official, she stood saluted and sat on instruction.

"You know Misato you don't have to act like that around me."

"Oh don't worry I wasn't bothered by the sight of you going mental and killing all those Rei's, 'soul-less dolls' or not they could have been given life."

"Misato, I have absolutely no reason to speak about that event, so please don't. It happened and I spent several weeks in a cell, let it be, we need to focus on the point. Shinji."

The Major rooted through her sheets and folders before pulling out one that had his recent school testing.

"Well academically he has declined, he was getting a solid B before the Suzuhara incident, then afterwards he slipped to a low B, after the incident involving Rei, he slipped to a C. Then Asuka disappeared and reappeared in a coma, Shinji dropped a little further but then…well…"

"Tabris?"

"Yes, the 17th angel, after one week his attainment has recovered by two marks, which still has him failing."

"It would seem that it affected him significantly, far more than Suzuhara incident or even First child's so-called reincarnation."

"Apparently Kawouru… the angel, told Shinji he loved him, I think it might actually have been the first time anyone has said it to him."

"And he was forced to kill him?"

"Yes."

"Well that would do it, Shinji's record has him at a high level probability of schizophrenia, which I agree with, he hasn't had the most loving environment in his life. If the first person to show him such kindness is killed, or worse yet killed by him, it could send him further into his depression."

"What else does it say about him in that report?"

"Everything, I would say you don't need to know, but with his failing sync-ratio, it is part of the operation's department as well. The most relevant entry is his depression, now when he came here that was at a very low level, his self-esteem was at a minimum, but he didn't hate himself as such. Since becoming an Eva pilot he has placed all his value in being an Eva pilot, even when it hurts him, this means he began hating himself. Now apart from the battles that have worn him down more and more we also have the fact that Shinji cannot hate anyone else, he just believes it is a problem with himself."

"So Asuka…"

"So Shinji hates himself more when Asuka is a bitch. Which is pretty often."

"Hey! Don't insult someone who is less that 100 metres from here in a hospital bed, comatose!"

"DON'T YELL AT ME! That little bitch bit me before!"

Ritsuko waved her hand at Misato, with the blood evident underneath it made her wonder and she quickly spotted the look on Ritsuko's face as she let a fact slip.

"Is Asuka awake?"

-

"Okay and then even if I do like Rei she isn't the same which leads to the tank in NERV…"

Shinji was muttering to himself, using a couple of glow stick to illuminate Shinji's patch of beach. It had all his thoughts and feelings on it, he knew he could never tell anyone them and that making himself face them would be hard but by drawing the easy stuff he could focus on the hard stuff and use the drawing for support. Now this was a large drawing, spreading about five metres in all directions from where he stood in the centre, each bubble was connected to another and it was far enough down the beach to be washed away in the morning when the tide came in. He then stepped back, he tiptoed over the picture and clambered onto one of the large rocks that laced the landscape, he then used a torch Misato had left in a bag for him to follow from box to box.

"Right, first box… father. He hates me. I hate him. He doesn't deserve my love, respect or admiration, and I don't need his praise. It's because of him I grew up with my teacher, and was never capable of making friends easily. Friends…(Moves torch along to a box with Touji and Kensuke's names in) yet I still managed to make some and we had some good times. Until…. Evangelion unit 04, if I had neutralised the Eva I could have saved the entry plug and Touji would still be in one piece. Robotics or not he is still incomplete because of me!"

Shinji then turned to follow a large line to a separate diagram of the pros and cons of Eva piloting.

"The Eva… my purpose. I have no value without it. I only cause pain with it, then why do I bother? Why do any of us bother? Rei does it to connect with the people, Asuka does it to prove she's the best… Asuka… Asuka…"

Shinji's head dropped and for a moment no one would be laughed at for believing he was about to cry, but even he was surprised when he just felt a rage take over him.

"Dumpkopf! Hentai! BAKA! I HATE YOU, YOU BITCH!"

With that Shinji's fist clenched and he smacked the rock he stood on with all his strength, it was so much that his feet actually lifted a little. That was the first time Shinji had lashed out, at least with his own hands. He always just hid the pain, from others and from himself, but to physically abuse a rock or himself, it was all new. He stood at top the rock once more and looked at the bloodied end of his hand, he brought his hand up to it and felt the moving bones.

"That hurt… but I feel a little better…"

Shinji looked back at his drawing, some blood had splattered onto the diagram and it seemed to indicate Asuka's name, although Shinji never classed himself as one who believed in luck, fate or signs, he couldn't help but think…

'Maybe Asuka is the source of my problems…'

"Owww. I should get this looked at."

Shinji grabbed the bag with his good hand and began walking towards the nearest hospital, hoping to get his hand looked at. As he walked away he missed the large chipping sound as the small patch of blood a top the rock he punched seemed to crack in each direction.

-

"A broken hand, are you sure?"

"Yes, don't worry he will have full use of his fingers in a couple of weeks, after that we'll give him some special bandages."

"Mr. Aoba, it isn't a problem, really!"

"Shinji, you are important to Ne… to us, how could you break your hand?"

"I was sat by the lake and thought I saw a pendant I had dropped a few days ago underneath a rock… and as I grabbed it the rock rolled onto my hand."

"You aren't lying are you?"

"No."

"Doctor?"

"It is consistent with a large force crushing the knuckle area, looking at the extent of the damage he would have had to punch a speeding bus to do this much damage himself in a fight."

"Right, thank you sir."

"Anytime."

"Come on Shinji, I'll take you home."

Shinji sat in the front of the car, his arms crossed and his fingers sticking out the end of the bandages.

'Why would I get into a fight? Why would I lie? How did I do this much damage to myself? Where the fuck is Misato? Whoa, lots of questions tonight.'

"You know there will be a lot of questions tonight."

"I know, hey, do you know why Misato wasn't able to pick me up?"

"She was… busy… she'll be there when you get in, that was the message."

"Fine guardian she is."

'Holy cow was that Shinji bad mouthing someone? Worse was that Shinji badmouthing Misato? Shit!'

Aoba quickly tried to change the subject while he was driving, he knew he couldn't endure another 10 minutes of silence so he gave Shinji the once over and tried to think of something.

"Hey… have you dyed your hair?"

Shinji woke up a little and stared at him.

'Did he just ask me if I had dyed my hair? I've never dyed my hair.'

"Did you just ask me if I had dyed my hair?"

"Yeah, it looks darker than usual, almost black in fact."

"I don't think so, maybe I got mud in it or something when I tried to get the rock off me."

"Oh right…"

At this point silence was agreed to be the lesser of two evils by both parties, the car slowly pulled into the apartment block car park. Aoba had spent the rest of the journey with his eyes flicking between the road and Shinji, but the younger boy was simply staring out of the window, the only difference from usual at this point was Shinji's right hand. As the boy's face rested in his left, the right hand was relatively free and loose, it wasn't classified information that Shinji's hand tended to flex a lot when it was left in active. In fact anyone who had attended a psych briefing knew about it, it was 'a symbol of his insecurity' as Ritsuko had put it. So Aoba was almost frightened when the stillness of the hand was added to the other bizarre behaviour Shinji was showing on the journey.

"Well here we are."

"Right."

Both males exited the car, Aoba didn't even bother to lock the door, this area of town was deserted, with the damage to the surrounding areas from angel attacks, people didn't like the chances of living in the one untouched place. As they moved towards the building Shinji noticed a definite increase in Aoba's own insecurity, it had gone from being subtle to being outright open. The occasionally shifting eyes had increased until almost every step had a glance at Shinji, while his breathing had increased exponentially. When they approached the door Shinji lifted his hand up to the door and froze. The gulping sound was the last straw, so Shinji turned to the elder man.

"Is there something I have to be worried about on the other side of this door, Mr Aoba?"

The man stared at him, almost like the video froze at the cliff-hanger of a film, Shinji waited for a moment and the man regained his composure.

"Erm. No, I don't think so."

"Asuka's on the other side isn't she?"

"NO!"

This was too abrupt to be truthful, internally Aoba was kicking himself.

'Damn it! I was ordered not to tell him! (Internally mimicking Misato) If he finds out Asuka is here he might not come back! See now look, wait for it, the running. Wait…He's still here.'

Shinji was staring at the door, the name tag, M. Katsuragi, for almost a minute he didn't move, there was a small twitch from his plastered right arm. He looked at the name plate a little more.

"Well let's see how bad it is."

'Okay it's the end of the world, hell's frozen over! Where are the N2 mines? Where's third Impact? Shinji is facing something, it's the end of everything.'

Aoba was almost crying, he watched Shinji raise his hand to the door, it was almost in contact with it, he touched it and flinched. Aoba's face brightened as the hand moved away from the door for a moment, but that brightness gave way to darkness as Shinji's hand balled up and he smacked the door, nice and hard. The look in Shinji's eyes showed a determination that Aoba had only seen on him during an Eva battle, it was certainly worrying. When the door slid open, Misato was stood on the other side, still dressed in her full uniform. She stared down at him with a harsh face that would have made the old Shinji take two steps back, hell, it made Aoba take two steps back and he wasn't in trouble. Shinji's vision met Misato's then he simply stared to the side, running away from the vision of impending doom, after a few seconds, Misato cleared her throat.

"What? You want me to apologise? I'm sorry but I'm in a bit too much pain to start blaming myself for this, can we start in the morning?"

Misato almost choked.

'WHAT DID HE SAY!?'

"You know, it's kinda cold out here Misato, so maybe you could let the injured into the nice warm apartment?"

'Huh?'

"Oh right yeah."

Shinji walked past the woman, he walked into the main living area, he made sure not to stop, the longer the journey took the more likely it was he would bump into _her_. He made a B-line for his room, the door with the pink 'Shinji's luxury suite' sign, if he could just make it then he would be fine. His hand reached for the door, he pulled it open and took a single step inside.

"Back are you?"

'So close.'

Shinji's head didn't move from its orientation, his foot moved back so he could stand normally outside of the doorway. He knew she was there, the red-devil, the creature of evil, spawn of Satan and general not-nice-person, Asuka Langley Soryu.

"I leave for a couple of weeks and the invincible Shinji breaks his arm. What an idiot, it really is pathetic."

"I'm sorry Asuka."

"And there he goes apologising again."

"I'm sorry the doctors couldn't fix your personality, so I guess they really aren't miracle workers. Ah well, Good night."

Shinji took another step into his room, it took that time for Asuka to register what Shinji had actually said. Both Misato and Aoba, who had been discussing the hospital and drive, had overheard the conversation and were completely thrown off by the comment. Then came the stomping.

"You wanna put that past me again!"

Asuka grabbed Shinji by the collar, she tried to lift him but only managed to get him on tiptoes, inside Shinji was actually smirking that he was standing on tiptoes deliberately. Asuka stared at his dark and lowered face.

"Want to try that again, baka!?"

Shinji twitched, that word was beginning to grate. The fact that the room was dark made it hard for Asuka to notice that Shinji's hair had gone completely black. As she looked at him more and more he seemed to get angrier and angrier.

"You pathetic little boy! You insult me then stay silent and pray I didn't hear you! Then you just run back to your room and hope I leave you alone! I should beat you where you stand!"

Misato and Aoba just watched from the door, still completely shocked by Shinji, his now lack of any movement was completely uncharacteristic. By now he would be squirming, trying to pry Asuka off of himself and apologising profusely. When Misato did eventually move to stop her, Shinji lowered himself from the balls of his feet onto his heels, Asuka felt his weight seem to increase and muttered a little. Shinji's head was now level with Asuka's he raised it slowly and stared blankly into her eyes.

'This is it? This is all she's got? How could I have been so afraid?'

The emptiness of his eyes scared Asuka, her grip on his throat had loosened and as his shallow breathing continued there seemed to be an almost psychotic look to them. Then just as she was about to run away herself, Shinji's mouth opened.

"Were you saying something?"

Asuka's eyes shrank to the size of atoms and she slapped him so hard across the face that the sound made the car vibrate outside.

"I fucking hate you! You're a bastard and an asshole!"

With that she ran away like a scared child, Misato stood completely dazed by the inanimacy of Shinji, Shinji just stood there. Almost involuntarily his hand came up and he slid the door shut without even moving his head, once the light was cut off, he turned his bedside lamp on and reached for the S-DAT.

"Hmmm…"

He pressed the play button and could just hear some sound from the inner earphones, the classical music, so soothing, so pleasant. But from within he sensed a familiarity to it, to his past, to his present, almost like he had hid himself inside the music, hoping it would sooth him and smooth his life out. Then he thought of Asuka.

'I hate you! Bastard! Asshole! Pathetic little boy! BAKA!'

With a loud grunt Shinji pulled his arm back and sent the S-DAT towards the window, glancing up he followed it fly and for an instant he looked in the mirror. For a moment his reflection showed the younger, more carefree Shinji that enjoyed his time with his friends. But the reflection disappeared once the S-DAT hit the window, the object sent lines all the way to the edges as it smashed but the reflection that then appeared was what got him. His hair was jet black, and had grown over the weeks since Kawouru's death but he had failed to notice it in his depression. It's long bangs moved closer to his eyes and then underneath the veil of hair he was sure that he could make out his eyes and his eyes, were red. The S-DAT left the opposite side of the window, flying out with an infinite number of pieces and glitter, the crashing sound was enormous. After a few seconds Shinji walked over to his bed and picked up a large piece of glass from the window frame, he looked at it and saw his red eye. It seemed like Ayanami's eye, the colour of blood, but he watched as it slowly faded into its usual blue. When his eye colour had completely turned back, Misato burst into the room to see what had happened.

"What was that sound?"

'What do I do?'

Shinji pointed out of the window absently.

"My S-DAT… went that way."

'Idiot! Now they'll really think you are a psycho!'

-

Author note : The end of Chapter one. I'm not exactly how sure how original this story line is. It isn't often that you get stories where you see the changes in Shinji. I mean you get OOC, and things where he opens up thanks to relationships but I hope this is the first one with 'Dark' as I call him. Shinji's darker alter-ego, who isn't so much an alternate personality but just his normal personality with his emotions unleashed to wreak-havoc on the world. Review as you please, for once I am not unhappy with a story so criticise away. Just let me know you have read it!


	2. The Dark Shinji

Disclaimer : I do not own Evangelion, although like many others I wish I did. I own none of the characters. This is a normal Eva fic, not sure about Eva battles because I am trying to focus on Shinji's torment and hopeful revenge, hehe. Read and Review, I need criticism and I need to know people are reading this garbage. Anyhoo, on with the show!

Right then

'Thought'

"Speech"

"(Actions in speech)"

-

"Doctor Akagi? Shinji Ikari is here to see you."

The blonde doctor looked up from her notes as her young assistant, Maya Ibuki, leaned against the doorframe, an image the elder woman had missed during her incarceration. The woman stood there with Ritsuko in a daze for a moment before she snapped out of her trance and shook her head.

"What was that Maya?"

"Shinji is here."

"Oh right, send him in, please."

The younger woman smiled and gave a little nod, turning on the balls of her feet and moving back towards her desk, Ritsuko found herself staring at the girl's rear as she turned to leave. She was then confronted with the rebellious visage of Shinji Ikari, the boy with long black hair. He was stood at the door, his usual nervousness seemed a distant memory, instead he simply seemed bored.

"Please come in Shinji."

He looked at her and took a seat, he sat forwards as he usually did, but he lacked the usual flexing of his hand. Ritsuko noticed this as it was something she deliberately spread around the office because she had found it quite entertaining. The doctor began shifting through some papers when she asked Shinji the first question, she didn't even look up at him.

"So Shinji, do you know why you are here?"

Shinji then very unexpectedly sat back, he brought one leg onto the other and sat almost like Kaji would on the chair.

"My guess would be the fact that I threw my S-DAT out of the window. Added to the confrontation with Asuka before hand and my incredibly lame excuse to why I airmailed my S-DAT across the street."

Ritsuko carefully analysed every word Shinji said, searching for the laced emotions, worry, nervousness, guilt. She found none. In fact she did sense a sort of defiance that she had only ever heard when Shinji threatened to destroy NERV with Unit-01 after the dummy-plug incident. When she looked at Shinji's face she got the impression that he was the same boy as before but he had let go of that one major character fault, his own insecurity.

"Well Shinji, that is part of the reason, you're erratic behaviour of late was only the fuse of the situation, to be honest we have wanted to see you for some time. We believe that life as an Eva pilot has psychologically harmed you and we wished to see what the damage was."

Shinji took a second to take in what was said, it was obvious that they must have been watching him, although why they let Asuka get so far along was beyond him.

'Asuka.'

Once more the name alone set him off, he felt his blood boil at the name and for a moment his eyes even seemed to go a tint of red. Ritsuko wondered why Shinji's head had dropped all of the sudden and it was only then that she noticed his hair.

"Shinji, have you done something to your hair?"

Shinji snapped out of his small trance, he looked up at her and noticed the veil of hair, he brushed it aside and sat up again.

"No, everyone keeps asking that, I just haven't had it cut in a while. I've been a little preoccupied."

"That is also a point of this meeting, your recent depression and more recent lack-there-of has raised some questions about your sanity."

"You people are worried because I was depressed and now I'm better?"

"Essentially. Unfortunately for someone with your background it is hard to believe you magically found a miracle, over-night cure for schizophrenia."

Once more Ritsuko bit her tongue, she was beginning to get good at letting out choice information to people who didn't need to hear it. Shinji's eyes widened at the mention of a psychological problem, especially one that people implied he had. After a moment he seemed to regress back to the usual Shinji.

"What do you mean, schizophrenia?"

"I'm sorry Shinji but we have expected it for some time, with your childhood as it was it would be a logical assumption. We believe, especially with recent events, that you are a schizophrenic."

"What does that mean? That I have split-personalities?"

Shinji's behaviour over the week and a half flooded back and he began to wonder that another personality had simply emerged from his subconscious. Maybe he was mental.

"No, it is a myth that schizophrenia and split personalities go hand in hand, it is also not something that makes a person violent and it is curable, but not over night."

Shinji allowed what was said to sink in, Ritsuko noticed that it was Shinji's insecurity that made him weak, his immediate doubting of his own state of mind sent him back to normal. After a few minutes Shinji looked at the mirror Ritsuko had hung on the wall.

'I am me. My burdens are my own. I am no more or less than the sum of what makes me whole. Schizophrenia or not, I am Shinji Ikari and this is not something that has happened over night. I can deal with that.'

Shinji looked back at Ritsuko with the same defiance he showed when he first entered the room, in fact when he turned back he had his eyes closed in concentration. When he opened his eyes Ritsuko was sure she felt a gust of hot air hit her face, this Shinji was not the same Shinji who piloted Eva. After a moment to compose herself, she looked at her notes and began asking questions.

"So Shinji what can you tell me about your father?"

"Well you slept with him, you tell me. I just know he is a bastard who abandoned me when I was a child, I refuse to let such events bother me anymore."

Ritsuko's eye twitched at Shinji's answer and at the same time she noticed that the boy was confident in his conviction to ignore his past.

"What about your mother?"

"She died. The time we were together, whether or not I was old enough to remember, was a happy time, there are people who had them longer and are unhappy. I count myself lucky."

"Friends?"

"I have two best friends, they stayed by me as long as they could, through better or worse, I can't ask for more than that. I guess you could also call Rei a friend, but we haven't talked recently."

"Asuka."

Shinji's fist clenched.

"Can we talk about something else."

"No, I'm sorry but it seems that you have developed quite a problem with Ms. Soryu, a problem that must be rectified if you are to work together in future."

"With all due respect Dr. Akagi, I would rather I didn't think about that person, it doesn't put me in the best of moods."

"What is your relationship with the Second Child?"

"Don't ask those questions."

"The Second Child, what is the relationship."

"Shut up."

"How do you feel about Asuka!?"

Shinji snapped.

"SHE IS THE MOST IMPOSSIBLE HUMAN IN THE WORLD! She is barely human as it is, I shouldn't be fighting angels, I should be fighting her! That's all she ever seems to want to do to me, no matter how much love I show! How much kindness! She just insults me and calls me names! I HATE HER! I WISH SHE HAD DIED!"

Ritsuko had pushed the chair away from the desk, she was sweating and breathing heavily, from her seat she went over the last few seconds in her head. She pushed with Shinji, and it didn't take all that much, she then watched as he brought his fist up and slammed his knee with it. Next thing he stood up, throwing the chair back so hard it hit the wall and bent, he then slammed his hands on the table and yelled at her. His face was so close she was sure he was going to bite her and all the while she could simply stare at the red eyes that were moving around and blinking. When Shinji was finished he stood up straight in the middle of the room, his head down and tears appearing trickling down his cheeks. Ritsuko stared at him as he began to break down a little.

"Why should I be forced to kill someone who loves me… when I am forced to love someone who hates me."

Ritsuko walked over and Shinji's eyes had turned a sort of dark-pink, they were no longer the blood red of rage, but they were still not the normal obsidian blue, that they were so used to seeing. As she stared into his eyes they slowly returned to normal, the blue returning and the tears drying on his cheeks.

"Shinji… you have been through a lot… if today's test doesn't go as planned… I will recommend that we reassign you to another school."

"Thank you… Ritsuko."

Shinji was led out of the room, Maya then went to help him but he politely pushed her away, shaking his head he seemed to regain a sort of composure and continued to walk. Ritsuko then returned to her desk, she looked at some files then at Shinji's latest physical results. After a few moments, she pressed a button on the desk.

"Maya will you send Major Katsuragi a message to see me right away."

"Yes ma'am."

Shinji walked through NERV towards the sync-test area, he knew he had an hour or so to waste so he thought he would waste it there. After almost two weeks of the utmost confidence, he still managed to break down into his old self. He had managed to steer clear of the orange haired girl for over a week, she was still 'too ill' to attend school so she stayed in the house all day. After her initial confrontation with Shinji she was scared to start another, Shinji was happy to oblige by spending most of his time in his room. It was two days in when he started writing things down and after a week he had quite the pad of words and phrases that summed up his being. He continued to walk towards the labs and once he reached the area where they usually waited for the test he sat down, the area was deserted.

"I need to keep my cool. It's all well and good coming to terms with the feelings of the past but if I let these new feelings out… then it will all be for nothing."

He looked over at the can machine, then at the sweet dispenser, finding nothing to take his mind off whom was about to arrive he figured he should try and sort things out. He picked out a pad and pen and began scribbling.

"So… I love Asuka, obvious, I love Asuka, Rei and Misato, they all make up who I am. I can't change my insecurity, but I can understand that I am a product of experiences. But after over a year of her constant bickering, her hatred, I just can't stand her anymore and at the same time I can't stand my own love for her. So I either have to leave… or get her to accept my love and let me in."

Shinji circled something on the paper furiously and then put the pad away, he clicked the pen in and then looked around the room.

"Sigh, so where is the exit?"

Shinji chuckled to himself, he knew he couldn't just leave, not because of his obligation to pilot, or for a sense of worth, but because he said he would. Nowadays it seemed that his word meant more to him than anything else. He sat and thought about times when Asuka did let him in, it wasn't often, but maybe if he could just get inside, get in her defences then maybe they could be happy.

"I just have to work on keeping Dark inside, the more I let him out the worse things get. It is bad enough that he is so obvious in the first place but now Ritsuko has seen him. This is worrying."

"What is worrying?"

Shinji jumped out of his skin, he hadn't noticed that the girl with the permanently red eyes was stood behind him, she had entered just at the end of his little mutter. He turned quickly to face her, jumping to his feet as he did so, and almost fell over backwards.

"Ayanami!?"

"Pilot Ikari… watch out."

Shinji stumbled backwards and ended up landing on his rear, although this time he didn't fall over in Ayanami's presence and land on top of her. He managed to sit up, his face going bright red as he did so, he stood quickly and brushed himself off, trying to regain some level of dignity.

"Ayanami, so… what are you doing here so early?"

"I am always here 20 minutes before the tests, I like to purchase some carbonated soda drinks to keep my energy up."

"Really? I never knew about that."

"You never asked."

-

"So what was it you wanted to tell me? We have to be at the test in 40 minutes."

Ritsuko looked up from her paperwork towards the Major who didn't look like she was stopping for any great length of time. Ritsuko then slowly placed the papers down and Misato quickly understood that she was to sit down.

"Good, now then, Shinji."

"Yeah, what's wrong with him?"

"There is nothing _wrong_ with him, in a way he is in just as much turmoil as before, it's just a different sort of turmoil."

"Specifics."

"Look, there are no specifics in psychology, the best I can say is what I believe. And I believe that the Shinji we used to know managed to get by, by hiding his emotions and pain from others and himself. Not facing them in order to protect himself from pain."

"I understand that."

"Well now it seems that he has taken your advice, he has stopped hiding and faced some of his problems. In doing so his emotions have become far more unstable. Now the usual Shinji, when he isn't forced to face certain problems, will act like a normal teenager, as we have seen. He has managed to realise that he has value without the Eva, so he is more confident, but as soon as you press him on certain points his emotions take over."

"Is that why he broke the window?"

"It is possible that he also suffered from mild post traumatic stress, the music on the S-DAT may have triggered a reaction that caused violence. Now I think Shinji is actually managing to cure his own schizophrenia, by changing how he reacts to things, he now has something he can focus on, once he can control his emotions fully, he should be a well rounded individual."

"How long will it take? And is he a danger to anyone?"

"It could take years and until then he is likely to have many outbursts but I don't believe he will be particularly dangerous. Now something else I found that I can't explain is that Shinji's body has found a way to give us an early warning?"

"Early warning?"

"His eyes. When I pushed the issue of Asuka on him he exploded angrily, now he didn't hurt me or himself but I did notice that his eyes were bright red, almost like Rei's."

"His eyes changed colour?"

"I think so, when he started crying they went a deep pink and then blue when he began to calm down. His body has been through an Eva and back, so it is possible that it is a side effect."

"Are you sure you have been getting enough sleep?"

"Just watch Misato, you'll see it eventually. Now hurry along, we don't want to be late for the tests."

"Hey wait for me!"

Both women left the office, they found Maya carrying a stack of handouts and the three moved towards the sync-area.

-

"I never realised that you disliked your room so much."

"Yes, I have never liked it, it reminded me of death, but I have been unable to relocate."

"You haven't been able to? So you have tried?"

"Yes, every time my attempts have been thwarted by the Commander."

"He doesn't like his chess pieces moving for themselves."

"What was that?"

"I believe my father likes to think of us all as pieces on a chess board, so he gets angry when one of us tries to move for ourselves."

"That is… an interesting analogy."

Shinji could almost sense Asuka's entrance, when she entered it was like an aura of darkness followed her, it filled every facet of the room, then his hair. He hadn't noticed but his hair seemed to change colour actively.

"Hmmm. That is interesting… pilot Ikari, how did you make your hair change colour?"

"What? I'm sorry Ayanami, what did you say?"

"How was it that you made your hair change from light brown to black?"

"I didn't..."

"Maybe it was Ms. Soryu then."

Shinji twitched at the remark, in a way he knew she was right, his hair had been getting darker and darker over the last week, the more and more he thought of Asuka. It seemed that while he talked to Rei and thought only of her, he became his normal self, it was Asuka that brought out the dark in him. The orange haired girl sat on a bench at the other end of the hall, facing away from the two other pilots, waiting for their superiors to show up. Shinji looked between Rei and Asuka, he could almost feel his hair changing, but after a moment of looking at Rei's quizzical features he stood up.

"Excuse me please, Ayanami, can we finish this conversation later?"

"Of course, I will wait here for Major Katsuragi and Dr. Akagi."

"Speak to you later."

Rei gave a small nod and Shinji moved towards Asuka, as he turned from Rei his face went from a soft smile to a hardened glare. He focused on the task at hand, and especially on keeping Dark back. He reached Asuka and stood in front of her.

"Is that seat taken?"

"No, but there are plenty of other seats."

"I understand that… but I wish to… damn it Asuka, is it so hard to talk to me?"

"Humph."

"You know that stuck up attitude doesn't suit you."

"Grrr…"

Asuka's head turned to the side, in the hope of escaping the disgusting creature before her, but she could seem to escape him, while she was looking away, Shinji sat in the space beside her. She moved her head back to the front.

"You are a persistent little child aren't you?"

"I wish you would stop calling me a child, I'm only a few months younger than you."

"Well if you acted that way, maybe you won't be treated like one."

"There is only one child here."

"What was that!"

Asuka turned to find Shinji staring at her, once more his darkened glare managed to tame the wild beast that was about to go medieval on his ass. Asuka stared into the eyes and realised that Shinji was not playing games, he was not being a child and he certainly was not trying to simply piss her off.

"We have to live together Asuka, we have both tried to get out of it and we can't, so just face it, you are stuck with me."

"You're damn right I'm stuck with _you_."

"I just don't understand what I ever did to you."

"You exist, isn't that enough?"

Shinji could feel Dark ready to emerge, ready to turn his eyes red and give Asuka a piece of his mind so he was relieved when Dr. Akagi appeared and called them all into the changing rooms. The change was silent, Shinji did so without worry or embarrassment, in fact after Asuka had complained about being forced to change in front of Shinji, it seemed irrelevant when Shinji walked past the fully clothed Asuka in his plug suit. Shinji was, for the first time, the first of the pilots into the test plug. Asuka and Rei shortly followed and the training began.

"Now I realise it has been a while for all of you, so just try your best and don't worry about the results."

"Today's test will involve a two hour synchronisation test, followed by a two hour battle simulation tomorrow."

"What will the simulation be on?"

"You will be told tomorrow, just focus on the current task and begin."

Shinji allowed his head to flop forward slightly, he then began to imagine the Eva around him. He felt his fingers slide into the Evas like a massive glove, his feet into the Eva's feet, his heartbeat in tune with the pulsing of the Eva's core. For a moment he felt like he was sleeping.

"What was that?"

"What?"

"Shinji's sync just shot up to 90 for a moment, it's moved back down to 80 but still…"

"80!? Shinji has never been able to maintain such a high level before, lower him in five marks."

"Roger."

Shinji felt himself lower slightly, almost like the LCL got a little heavier on his lungs, he knew that they were performing some test on him to see just how well he would do.

'Maybe I am really bad, maybe I can get out of here.'

Unfortunately Shinji's thoughts were far from reality.

"We are still showing over 70 synchronisation, at this level most pilots would be suffering from mental contamination but Shinji is holding strong."

"Okay Maya, keep Shinji's level varying randomly within the safety limits and then after an hour call me back."

"Roger."

"What about Asuka and Rei?"

"Well Asuka is doing much better than her last test, it seems that she has recovered from her 'lull'."

"That's good we couldn't have another child being called. And Rei?"

"Rei seems to be doing better also, it seems that they are all doing well today."

"I think Shinji's confidence is making the other two improve."

"Well it would make sense, Asuka wants to be the best and Shinji has come along and actually put up a fight. Rei typically doesn't care but seeing Shinji focusing so hard, must make her want to try harder too."

"When did you become a psychologist Misato?"

"While you were in prison."

-

"Okay, bring Shinji out and then the other two in half an hour."

"Ma'am."

Shinji felt the LCL get lighter and lighter, for several moments he thought they were pulling him out early to tell him to go home for good. But when the LCL drained away completely he was left sitting there for several minutes.

"What do you mean there is still synchronisation!?"

"I can't explain it! There is no LCL in the tube but we are detecting a connection between the pilot and the Evangelion!"

"At what level?"

"Holding at nearly 40!"

"That's higher than in his first battle! Get me a read out of recent Evangelion activity!"

"Ma'am!"

Misato moved to an empty console while the other two women yelled at one another and she picked up the receiver.

"Sorry Shinji, you'll just have to sit there for another couple of minutes, okay?"

"Sure Misato."

Maya printed off a huge list of figures and graphs to show Ritsuko, the three women the sifted through it to find something of value. After a few moments Ritsuko and Maya leaned back.

"Nothing, no abnormal readings."

"No, nothing."

They spotted Misato's rear still bobbing in the air as she went through the reams of sheets on the floor. For a moment they seemed mesmerised by it before they looked to one another and blushed.

"Err. Ritsuko, what is this a read out for?"

The Doctor looked over the sheet and then looked back at Misato.

"It is a read out for the pressure sensors in the arm restraints."

"I thought so, because, if you look there is a peak here (pointing to one section) and another down here (pointing several pages down)."

"So?"

"Look at the time frame."

"Nine days ago, at about 10pm and today about three hours ago."

"The S-DAT and…"

"My office."

All three women's heads turned to face the monitors while Shinji sat in the test plug, he was aimlessly looking around the plug, like he was taking in a few sights before he left. They then looked at each other and then gulped.

-

Author Note : Thanks for my first couple of reviews, hope you enjoy where the story is going! The hair and eye thing will be explained in a little more detail but for now it is just my way of giving physical attributes to Shinji's varying mental state. I also chose black because I decided before writing the story that Shinji's main emotional outbursts would be darker emotions like hate and anger, hence Dark. Of course, no Dark character would be complete without black hair and red eyes. The eyes themselves I have taken from the saying that 'the eyes are windows to the soul' so each emotion brings out a different colour, if strong enough.


	3. The Developing Dark

Disclaimer : I do not own Evangelion, although like many others I wish I did. I own none of the characters. This is a normal Eva fic, not sure about Eva battles because I am trying to focus on Shinji's torment and hopeful revenge, hehe.

Oh update on this stories future – Thinking about making it a three series deal, each series containing 10 episodes. Each will be under a new heading and have three major arcs. This is the last in the 'Developing Dark – Arc'.

Read and Review, I need criticism and I need to know people are reading this garbage. Anyhoo, on with the show!

Right then

'Thought'

"Speech"

"(Actions in speech)"

-

"So what exactly do we do now?"

"Why are you asking me? You are operations director!"

"Well I need to know if it is safe to allow Shinji to pilot the Eva."

"Safe? He'll be in the safest place possible with almost 100 control, it's when he's outside I'm worried!"

Ritsuko and Misato were still kneeling on the floor, staring scarily at the sheets they had in front of them. Maya had stood several minutes earlier and removed Shinji from the tank, letting him leave and get changed. When she returned her two superiors were still trying to figure out what to do.

"We can't have unit 01, trampling around Tokyo 3 or anywhere else without Shinji inside! Can you imagine the devastation that he could create from sitting in his room?"

"Shinji would never destroy NERV!"

"Look Shinji is a different person now, and the old one threatened to do it enough times!"

"I think even in his current condition Shinji would never endanger this facility. Anyway there is no telling what his range is to the Eva, maybe he has to be inside the plug in order to have an effective link?"

"Maya?"

The young lieutenant looked at her instruments and then up at the two girls, checking on their condition she then turned to answer her superior's question. She sighed heavily and allowed her head to drop when she gave the answer.

"We are still showing over 35 synchronisation with the Eva, locators say that Shinji is in the changing rooms."

"That is over a kilometre from the Eva itself and at least 200 metres from the nearest connecting circuit."

"That is a pretty big range, he could probably get the Eva to move from home with that kind of range."

"That is what I have been saying!"

This was certainly a strange situation, Ritsuko could hardly blame her college friend for taking it so lightly but it did pose a problem for NERV. If a pilot could steal an evangelion without even having to get to the cages then it could only end in disaster. Ritsuko pondered on the finer points of the problem before she sat back.

"Maya, erase all data from the computers in regard to this particular occurrence."

"Ma'am?"

"Ritsuko?"

The woman walked over to one of the consoles and bean typing away frantically, Misato walked over and lightly tapped her shoulder.

"Misato, if we leave this on record it will only be a matter of time before someone finds out, then uses someone against Shinji and forces him to act. For the moment I am erasing all data and telling the Magi to ignore signals from the Eva while the plug isn't connected. They don't usually do so anyway, so it won't seem out of place."

"What about Shinji?"

"Well… I guess we just don't tell him, if we do he may experiment, we can tell him about his increased synchronisation but not this."

"I agree, it'll be better if he doesn't know."

"I don't know what?"

Shinji was stood in the door way, he was relieved that he wasn't forced to endure the full two hour torment of the test, so he appeared quite cheerful to the others. They stood straight, Ritsuko waiting until everything was deleted before turning around; it took a moment for her to spot the pile of papers on the floor.

"I am guessing you were talking about me?"

"Yes… well… we weren't going to tell you…"

"How well you did today."

Misato turned to Ritsuko without the knowledge of the conversation the Doctor and Pilot had shared earlier in the day. Shinji's features seemed to darken substantially, he wasn't particularly happy with that result.

"Unfortunately it seems that you have improved incredibly, you almost achieved perfect synchronisation today."

"Perfect?"

"Yes, you maintained 90 synchronisation almost effortlessly, we weren't going to tell you because you might feel obligated to stay… and also Asuka."

"I won't tell Asuka, and I would appreciate it if you didn't either, I will deal with Asuka, and maybe I'll help you in the mean time."

"Help us?"

"Dr. Akagi, I believe the two hours are up."

"Good guess, Rei, you two can exit the tubes, but can you come over here as usual when you are changed."

"Yes Ma'am."

"I suppose."

-

Asuka leant against the wall of the office, Rei stood silently in the centre while Shinji leant opposite Asuka, he looked like he was deep in thought. In truth he was.

'So I'm the best pilot, still. I can't really get out of this, I know that the angels are dead; I know that we are still the main defence for Japan, that is why I have to stick with it. I promised myself, I would stick with the Evas until I was either dead or not needed, then I will focus on living my life.'

Shinji looked up from his internal struggle, remembering the battles fought, a small smile appearing on his face when he remembered the incident in the volcano, the sound of Asuka's voice when Unit 01 grabbed the coolant cords.

'Idiot.'

'I didn't mind being called that then. In fact it was almost pleasant, maybe almost caring.'

Shinji looked up and found Asuka staring at him, his eyes focused on her for less than a second before her head suddenly shifted and she stared towards the front of the room. As the last of the printouts was coming out Ritsuko paced backwards and forwards, knowing full well that Shinji's readings were fakes. She knew she had to make the briefing last the shortest time possible, that way Shinji could get away from the Evangelion and she could stop feeling paranoid that he was going to steal it. So she stepped out before the three pilots and wiped the sweat from her forehead with a handkerchief.

"You all did very well today."

"Was there any doubt?"

"Well Asuka your most recent record left a lot to doubt but you now seem to be going strong again. Even a drop to zero synchronisation to recover is quite impressive, well done."

Asuka wanted to accept her praise in her typical, obnoxious fashion, but it still hurt her to think about the failing. She wasn't sure when she stopped crying, when she got over the problems that held her back but for the time being it didn't matter, Asuka the Greatest Pilot on Earth, was back.

"Rei did well, you even improved several points, if you keep it up you might be able to beat Asuka."

"Humph!"

Ritsuko looked up at Shinji, it was bad enough that he was shaking his head to her; he only knew half of the truth. If Ritsuko said now that Shinji was the best by a long shot and was probably still linked to the Eva at this moment, Shinji would have an aneurysm and Asuka would snap his neck.

"Shinji has improved slightly but is still lower than Asuka, but only by a little."

The smile on Asuka's face was indescribable, Shinji wasn't sure if he found it pleasant or sickening, for her to be so smug, it didn't sit well.

"It looks like us girls will be doing all the protecting from now on, not the invisible Shinji."

Twitch.

'If only she knew the truth, she's be eating those words.'

Shinji hadn't noticed that his hair was going darker and darker with each thought to that effect; he looked over to Rei who was whispering to him.

"What is the matter?"

"Huh?"

Rei pointed to her head, and Shinji noticed a black bang of hair float above his eyes, knowing full well that his hair was brown when he walked into the room he felt annoyed at himself for being so obvious.

'It's going to be impossible to keep any feelings hidden if my body keeps putting on shows for everyone to see. It is bad enough that my eyes change but my hair seems to change at the smallest upset. Wish I just knew why, then maybe I could do something about it.'

"It's nothing really, just a little under the weather."

"Right…"

Rei faced towards the front once more, attempting to dwell on the words that Shinji had spoken, and while her face remained emotionless and still, inside she had her hand to her lip and was looking up for an answer.

'Under the weather, what does that imply?'

Ritsuko had finished going over the specifics of Asuka's greatness, pushing down her own urge to strangle the child. She composed herself and then pointed towards the door.

"Now can you all go down the hall to room 376B, Major Katsuragi should be waiting for you, she will be briefing you on tomorrow's simulation. Well done everyone, see you tomorrow."

"Bye."

The three children left in almost silence, Shinji walking beside Rei, while Asuka moved out in front, not wanting to be associated with the other two pilots. Rei noticed Shinji's hair go darker as they walked, he was getting annoyed at Asuka's holier-than-thou attitude. Rei also made a decision then and there to stop asking Shinji questions based solely on the fact that his hair changed colour, if it changed it was normally quite easy to figure out why. They reached the room after a few seconds and walked inside, Misato was stood with a man in military uniform. Misato didn't seem to like the man, it wasn't hard to see that, Shinji mused that if Misato was like him, she would have jet black hair and red eyes by now. The three pilots took seats at the table, Asuka and Rei either side and Shinji in the middle to try and bridge the gap. The man in question was incredibly tall, well built from what they assumed was years of military training, he stood with every level of medal on his uniform and several large stripes on his lapels. He looked quite stern, he had a stick tucked under his arm that Shinji recognised from old boot camp based films, the fact that he had it worried Shinji a little.

"Okay pilots, this is Colonel Naita, he is here to brief you on the latest weapons that the United Federation of East Asian, has in their arsenal."

"Yes, thank you, Major Katsuragi…"

"Erm. Misato I thought we were allies with the United Federation of East Asia?"

"NO INTERUPTIONS!"

Twitch. Misato watched as even Asuka was sent back by the balling voice of the Colonel; Rei seemed to be put off while Shinji's head just moved down a notch. She left the room while the Colonel gave the report, checking to make sure the preparations were complete on Ritsuko's end.

"As I was saying, you will be briefed on the pros and cons of facing the advanced mobile weaponry that the UFEA have been creating over the last couple of years. You will be trained to face…"

"What are we doing here? We are supposed to fight angels…"

"SILENCE, THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING!"

Twitch, twitch.

"You are being drafted into the military as special officers, so you little kids listen hard and listen good! You are going to be in charge of defending the capital from invading forces from all sides. You will be put through a gruelling military training exercise and…"

"I didn't sign up for this, where is Misato?"

"I SAID SHUT UP!!"

Shinji watched the man's right arm reach across for the stick, Shinji could have predicted the future but applied psychology was so much easier. It was easy to see that this man was a drill sergeant at heart and he had no problem with getting is point across physically. Normally Shinji wouldn't have had a problem with this, but not against a girl, and certainly not against one of his girls. Shinji's eyes were focused on the man's hand before he had even grabbed the stick, the boy could see Asuka's eyes close and her body move backwards. Rei had also spotted the incident but was unsure of how to act, she knew she wanted to launch herself at the man but at the same time, she had to follow orders. Right now was not the time for pointless arguments, but it was far too late for Rei to act, even with her exceptional physical ability she could not get to the man in time to stop him. The man brought his arm up and down swiftly, he had every intention of putting a long red bruise or even cut across the disobedient girl's face.

'I won't allow it.'

SNAP. There was the sound of the stick hitting flesh but not the flesh it had intended, Rei had closed her eyes as Asuka had, neither wanting to see what happened, but the Colonel had his eyes open. He watched clearly as the depressed boy in the middle's hand shot out and grabbed the stick from midair and held it in place so tightly that the Colonel himself snapped the stick trying to force it downwards. He held half of his whipping stick in his hand, looking at the frayed edges, then at the other end that was still held tightly by the boy in question. Asuka opened her eyes to find a hand floating above her head, with the stick visible out of both ends, the flesh was red and the veins were popping out at the wrist. When she followed the arm along to Shinji she wasn't sure what to think.

'What is he doing? Is he scared of what will happen to him? Is that why his head is down? What is going on with his hair?'

Rei had also noticed that Shinji's hair had now gone such a deep shade of black that it almost seemed to be sucking the light into it from all around the room. When the Colonel stepped back he was physically shaking.

"You! What do you think you are doing!? You are supposed to sit there like the depressed child in the report!?"

Shinji's head twitched again and Asuka heard the straining sound of wood, looking down she saw Shinji crush the stick in half again then releasing the now quarters of the original stick on the floor. She couldn't see the boys face and part of her didn't want to. Shinji continued to move towards the Colonel until he was less than a metre away. The man went to bring his arm towards his holster but Shinji had already seen it.

"Don't even think about it Mr. Naita, firing a gun at an Eva pilot in the middle of NERV would be a very bad idea."

"Stay back!"

"Okay, just as soon as you apologise to Ms. Soryu."

"Apologise!?"

"Yes, you were very rude and I hate to think what sort of state a man of your heightened military rank would come out as if you hit a 15 year old girl."

"I would never apologise to such an ill-mannered brat, she deserves to be beaten from here to Sunday for her behaviour."

"You're right, she should."

Asuka got incredibly cross at Shinji at that moment, backbone or not he was supposed to be defending her.

'Stupid Shinji, you are supposed to be defending me… defending me…'

Shinji was now right in the man's face, he was so close he could feel the man's shallowed breathing on his hair. The Colonel was about ready to bring his gun out and shoot the boy in the chest, then call it self-defence, but Shinji's head began to roll upwards. Up until now it was scarier that Shinji hadn't even looked him in the face yet, he hated enemies who hid behind masks. But he was far more scared when he saw Shinji's face, the red eyes. He had seen the report, he was ready for the girl with red eyes and the boy with blue, but these blood red eyes, they were so still and calm there was no hesitation in them. This was not Shinji Ikari, he had long since left the room, this was someone entirely different, and in fact when the Colonel refused to apologise a hand lifted him in the air by his collar. Asuka and Rei stood in shock as Shinji lifted this 16 something stone ( about 110kilos / 220 lbs) up into the air by his collar, using only his left hand. No one had even noticed that Shinji had removed his cast, he was supposed to keep it on for two weeks. But he had already removed it, Ritsuko had noticed this and wondered if this was why he was crying this morning, he had smacked his right hand on the table so hard it caused pain. But Shinji was smart enough not to use his hand on this guy, he left it by his side although it was still held in a tight fist. The Colonel was practically pissing his pants, he was holding himself on Shinji's arm, wondering how a 15-year-old boy could be holding him up like this.

"Shinji… Ikari… put me down or… I will have… you up on charges…"

"I'm sorry Shinji Ikari is not receiving any calls right now, but you can talk to Dark if you want."

"Dark…ack!"

"Now maybe you will apologise to the nice Ms. Soryu before you find out what my other limbs can do?"

"Sorry…"

"She can't hear you."

I'm sorry, Ms. Soryu…"

"Very good, monkey can sit down."

Dark threw the Colonel so hard against the wall they heard the board hanging from it snap, Asuka and Rei weren't about to hang around in the room alone, so they followed Dark out. They watch him walk down the hall, but they didn't follow him further, it was one thing to be left alone with the psycho-Colonel, but it was worse to be stuck with the psycho-Shinji. They watched him get all the way down the hall, unwavering, his shoulders broad and his strides incredibly defined. But he reached the end of the hall when he turned and punched the solid metal as hard as he could with the other hand. When he was done they could just see that his eyes were blue again, his hair went to a lighter black, edging towards dark brown when he disappeared around the corner.

-

"Misato, why couldn't you just pick me up from the physical exam? You were in NERV for the sync-test, I got half way back before you came for me!"

Asuka walked into the apartment looking quite tired, week or not, she was still fresh from the hospital, so she wasn't in complete working order yet, although she wouldn't admit to that being the problem. She walked in and immediately got the vibe that something was different, but it took a few moments for her to realise what it was.

"Misato, has Shinji finally taken that stupid sign off his door?"

"No it's still on his door."

Asuka looked at her quizzically, then she began to step towards the door, looking closely she couldn't see it and when she went to check the other side she slid the door open. The other side was empty, no bed sheets, no clothes, bedside lamp, books or cello. Shinji was gone.

"Has he finally run away?"

"No, he wished to be moved to another block, with his recent erratic behaviour he was worried about hurting people."

"Yeah he was pretty scary today, I never thought he would scare me like that."

"What was that Asuka? Were you scared…?"

"NO! He just caught me off guard, is all."

Misato continued to taunt Asuka while Shinji unpacked his things, there seemed to be a strip of land that was marginally untouched by the attacks, it was about a five minute walk from Ayanami's and about fifteen to Misato's. He looked around and it was certainly an Ayanami class building, a thought which he chuckled to.

'Ayanami class building, decrepit, dank and falling apart.'

He placed his cello on a stand in the corner, he cleared away the floor and put up some bright curtains to make the room seem nicer. He cleaned the floor and found underneath the grey that the carpet was red, he scrubbed almost all through the night cleaning the room and when he was finished he wasn't half surprised by himself. He had turned Ayanami's room (minus the beaker of water and bandages) into a place nicer than Misato's. He walked over to the bed and lay down, he felt the sheets crumple in towards him as the weak springs in the bed began to lower him half way to the ground. He felt he blanket collapse in on him and he just looked at the ceiling, he didn't even think 'unfamiliar ceiling' he just thought…

'Typical.'

He had set his alarm and he knew he would only get about three hours sleep, he had just caught the time as he slid into the bed. He was very quickly in a deep sleep, he didn't dream about anything in particular, he usual nightmares had been absent of late, another plus of having an outlet. As he slept the clock ticked ever so closer to 8am, that fateful moment when the room would be filled with the sound of a ringing bell. As the sun rose over the hills and filled the curtains with light, the arm of the clock reached the number 8.

DDDDRRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!! 

Shinji immediately tried to break free of his prison, still too disorientated to realise where he was he pushed so hard that the springs broke completely. Shinji was left lying underneath the bed frame, he looked up and saw the four legs and the frame, then looking either side he saw the mattress and the old springs lying beside it. His hair turned from brown to a dark brown as he got up and banged his head, he was still far too tired to start smashing things, so he made his way to the bathroom, he brushed his teeth and was about to comb his hair when he stared at it.

"If I comb you, do you promise to stick?"

Almost as if answering him a piece of hair dropped into his face, he sighed and began combing it off his face. Once he had each lock tucked firmly behind his ears, he wandered into his apartment and got out a set of clothes that reflected his new lease on life, a t-shirt and some jeans, not the usual school uniform. He walked out of the door ready for the day's simulation, one he was not looking forward to, he opened his door and walked outside. He got down the stairs and out of the building, he got past the shelter of the wall before a large gust of wind hit him. At first he wasn't bothered, until he felt the familiar brushing sensation on his forehead. He checked the first window he saw, and true enough the wind had blown his hair into its now usual state of disarray.

"Everything has a mind of its own now!"

"Well I don't think the window has a mind of its own."

"Rei!?"

Shinji jumped out of his skin once more, his chair quickly jumping into light brown mode, it seemed that this girl calmed the feelings of turmoil in Shinji's heart. She turned and saw that the girl was also wearing different attire from usual, she was wearing a sort of skirt and a coat on top, it was certainly different for the girl. Shinji was mesmerised for a moment before he snapped out of his trance before another side of Dark had a chance to come out.

"Ayanami, I was just on my way to meet you!"

"How convenient, I was informed of you change in domicile and was going to make sure you reached today's test."

"Thanks, I thought I would surprise you."

"Well I am marginally surprised, but let us go, we do not wish to be late, I don't think Major Katsuragi will react so well to being lifted by the collar."

"Right."

Shinji blushed when Rei mentioned Dark's escapades, so far no one had really talked about it, Misato congratulated Shinji on showing the Colonel where to shove it, right before he moved, but otherwise people were silent. After a few minutes walking Rei turned to Shinji and forced him to stop walking.

"What is it Ayanami?"

"Pilot Ikari… Shinji… who is Dark?"

Shinji went silent, he felt the wind blow through his hair, he looked across at Ayanami and after her initial humour, she seemed truly scared by the prospect of this shady character lurking in Shinji's subconscious.

"I guess… he is an outlet."

"An outlet?"

"For all my emotions, I have hidden my problems and feelings for so long that I couldn't really figure out how to use them again. Once I came to terms with them some became a little too strong, Dark is the product."

"Is he someone else?"

"No, he's still me, it is still my personality, I am still in control but I have other emotions guiding me."

"What about your hair and eyes?"

"I'm not sure, apparently my hair has been getting darker since the issue with Kawouru, I think it has become a sort of gauge for my emotions, the darker it is the more negative I feel. I'm still not sure how it happened, whether my DNA got messed up inside the Eva or what but I think I may be a sort of end product."

"End product?"

"Of instrumentality. To better understand the feelings of others, to have your emotions on your sleeve as it were, you can easily understand how I feel because it has been made visible. As for the eyes, I think they are the same thing but the eyes are the windows to the soul, so that is why they reflect specific emotions more."

"I think I understand…"

"Good because I confused myself half way through that!"

At this point Rei looked at his smiling face and felt the undesirable urge to laugh, and she did so, Shinji watched as her lips curled up at the ends and her mouth opened letting out the daintiest laugh he had ever heard. It was not like Asuka's cackle, it was like a snow princess laughing over tea and biscuits, for an instant that was the image he got of her. After a few moments of Shinji staring at her, mouth ajar, Rei shut her mouth and went red in the face.

"I'm sorry, that was inappropriate of me."

"No Rei, that was perfect."

The two teenagers blushed heavily and then silently continued on their journey, they reached the great gates of NERV together, slashing their cards, they entered the complex. Several guards were amazed when they saw the two, they appeared almost like boyfriend and girlfriend, Shinji especially as he spent the entire journey trying to overcome the fear of holding Rei's hand. At one point in the journey his eyes had actually turned light pink, he was so afraid, he had felt his eyes change, as he did with each emotion. He checked a window to see the pink, and sighed heavily trying to think of something else. When they finally made it to the sync-test area they could only sit around for about ten minutes before they knew Asuka would arrive, so Rei sat down to remove her coat. Shinji walked over to the can dispenser.

'Okay, I'll buy her a can, that doesn't seem too hard.'

Shinji put in enough money for two cans, then got Rei's orange juice and his own lemonade, he handed the girl her drink as she rummaged through her coat looking for her purse. She looked up and Shinji and smiled in the same way she had before, the way that made Shinji melt. Shinji felt his eyes change as he stared at her, to what colour, he was unsure. Rei stared at his eyes for a moment before leaning back.

"Pilot Ikari… Shinji, were your eyes always so blue?"

Shinji looked at his reflection, and while they weren't as close to sky blue as Asuka's they were pretty close. He wasn't sure what this meant but he had already associated red with rage and pink with fear, he mused for a moment.

'So what is blue… is it love?'

-

Author note : How about that for a reason! I read Elijah's review (thanks, I'm quite honoured) I actually got quite worried about how to explain Shinji's physical attributes changing, but then the idea of instrumentality came in. So now Shinji is the vessel of instrumentality, he is he embodiment of emotions, he physically changes to show others how he feels. Although I said that this excludes episodes 25 and 26, I will be referring to them now on. How they fit in will all be part of the story…


	4. Old Friends

Disclaimer : I do not own Evangelion, although like many others I wish I did. I own none of the characters. This is a normal Eva fic, not sure about Eva battles because I am trying to focus on Shinji's torment and hopeful revenge, hehe. Read and Review, I need criticism and I need to know people are reading this garbage. Anyhoo, on with the show!

Right then

'Thought'

"Speech"

"(Actions in speech)"

-

"Eva launch!"

Shinji felt the simulated G-forces that they created in the test-plug, he felt his body moved towards the seat and his skin seemed to stretch a little, but let it be known, he was starting to enjoy it. He watched the numbers increase as he flew past each level of the elevator, then there was the end of numbers and Shinji knew what came next. The head case snapped back into position, with the force that would usually cause the person fatal whiplash, the suddenly halt had become the best part of the ascent for Shinji. He felt the Eva release from the restraints, he leant forward and began moving, he saw both Rei and Asuka appear on the other side of some buildings and he called up a RADAR readout. It showed approximately 30 objects heading towards them at high speeds, Shinji walked past the same building he had walked past four times in the last hour, grabbing the rifle from inside he building he turned to face a new direction.

"Sigh, every time the same number of units, doing the same formation, it is almost pathetic."

"Stop your complaining Shinji, these craft are learning from each experience, they won't be that hard to beat soon."

"I know I know."

Shinji stepped forward, the headpiece covering his eyes and the connections quickly began rerouting through the camera on the rifle, and Shinji could see the same variable wing planes that they had faced four times before. Shinji focused on the centre of the group, then holding the trigger he fired two shots, the planes scrambled before they were hit and Shinji even smirked a little. Asuka and Rei appeared behind him, Asuka with a particle rifle resting on the roof of a building and Rei with a couple of submachine gun like weapons. As had been the briefing and the training so far, they watched the planes get closer and they knew that the planes would dodge most attacks up to a point. Rei and Asuka were breathing heavily, the down side of this sort of fighting was that it required the highest synchronisation they could achieve, this was hard to keep up for weapons that needed high accuracy. Shinji stood thinking for a moment, before he turned to Rei, from the outside the others saw Unit 01 turn and hold out the rifle to Unit 00. As Rei watched the Eva curiously, a video image of Shinji appeared directly over the Eva's face.

"Rei, can I have a try with the submachine guns, please?"

"S… Sure."

Shinji handed Rei the rifle, immediately the visor came down over her eyes and she targeted the centre of the formation. Shinji on the other hand, cocked the two guns, then held them out in front of him like a sort of gangster. Shinji focused hard and the computers produced a rough crosshair as to where Shinji would fire.

"Misato, this isn't in the simulation."

"I know, but I want to see what Shinji is capable of. How long until the fighters are within range?"

"About ten seconds ma'am."

"Here we go, Eva pilots, move out!"

Shinji pulled the trigger before the planes were even in range, the bullets flew and only two or three survived the barrage, everyone was amazed how Shinji took out 7/10s of a formation group in one volley. Although now was significantly harder, the formation was broken and they had about 22 fighters flying in all directions around their heads firing missiles at their AT fields. Education it seems, had occurred. The Evas, although undamaged by the missiles were now blind as smoke surrounded them, Asuka fired the particle rifle wildly knowing that it would take some of the smoke in its path, and she did manage to take out two or three fighters. Misato watched as the planes began to make a run on the main armoury on the surface, it seemed like this would be the first fail. The missiles flew through the air towards the armoury, they were mere metres away when they exploded. A line of bullets cut every missile into pieces then moved up and the enemy fighters could do nothing to change their course and fly straight into the line of bullets. The cameras moved back to the cloud of smoke and unit 01 walked out, arms held out like he was crucified but instead he was firing at the sky. It seemed systematic, his fighting, like he was a computer, they watched as each arm moved independently of the other, he was a machine. When Shinji got to the armoury he found that his gun was empty and threw it at an approaching fighter, it in turn fell into its ally and a formation of four became two lone fighters flying away for their lives. Shinji then got out a progressive knife, he flipped it and threw it at the retreating planes, the cameras zoomed in as the knife seemed to pass straight through the planes and into the distance. Asuka stepped out of the smoke, she had taken out around seven fighters, Rei had got about six. Shinji wasn't about to brag.

"Well done Shinji, fifteen fighters, that is the best score yet."

"Er… Misato… seventeen."

"Huh?"

Misato pressed a button that followed the two retreating planes, zooming in she saw a light haze of blood along the glass dome of the cockpit. A few seconds later the planes changed vector, the plane with the blood split clean in two, exploding and taking its companion with it. A message appeared on the screen saying All enemies destroyed Misato moved back over to the microphone.

"Sorry, well done Shinji, seventeen, the best score yet!"

"I should be best, I have the highest synch-ratio, I just get stuck with this piece of crap that takes forever to reload."

"Yeah I do get the easy to reload, rapid fire weapons, it takes less synchronisation, so I pilot of my calibre could never fire the particle rifle."

"Darn tootin!"

"Well I think that will be enough today, guys. Go get showered and go home, Shinji do you want to come over for dinner tonight?"

"I'm sorry Misato, I'm going to Tokyo-2 for the night, it is a nice offer… me cooking you dinner… but I'm busy."

"Tokyo-2?"

"I'm going to go and visit Kensuke and Touji, if I leave now I might be able to get to the station before rush hour."

"Okay… Asuka we're ordering out again tonight."

"Roger, that."

-

"Pilot… Shinji?"

"Yes Rei?"

"Why do you pretend you are a worse pilot than Ms. Soryu?"

"Huh?"

Shinji walked swiftly along the corridor, the external monorail had just been completed, if he could get on it he could use it to get to the station. He had gotten changed faster than ever before and was actually quite surprised that Rei had managed to keep up with him. He also realised he was completely sussed.

'Shit.'

"What do you mean?"

"Well you are a far superior pilot to the Second, yet you allow her to believe otherwise."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do, I can tell when you lie, your hair flickers darker for a second, the Eva's respond fluidly with high synchronisation, that is the only way you could perform as you did today."

'Shit… she sussed me.'

'Hehe, I sussed him.'

The couple reached the monorail station, Shinji looked at the timer and it would be several minutes until the next tram, he knew there was no escape. He turned to find Rei with a silly little smirk on her face that Shinji almost found scary, his hair flushed into brown and his head just dropped.

"Asuka gets pretty angry when she isn't the best… if I have any chance of being friends with her I have to get her into a good mood, when we are friends… then I'll tell her."

"If you wish to be her friend… should you not tell her the truth now?"

"Well unfortunately while I respect honesty, and wouldn't mind it of anyone… Asuka is pretty much like 'Red' all the time… so if I said to her that I was better she might start slipping again. If she starts slipping into the depression again… she might not survive it."

"I see…then I will not mention this point further."

"Thank you, Rei."

The monorail approached, it drew to a quick stop and the boy stepped onboard, he turned around and looked out before the door shut, Rei was stood looking at him, her hands tucked tightly behind her back. Shinji smiled to her.

"I'll come round and visit tomorrow, okay?"

"Yes… that would be… pleasant."

The doors slid shut and Shinji raised his hand to the window, Rei gave him another funny little smile and waved him off. She walked with the moving train for a few seconds before letting the train go off without her, she sighed and turned to leave. She stopped near the exit and watched the monorail disappear into the distance of the Geofront.

"Now you only have to learn how to understand the feelings of others."

-

"I never realised how beautiful this landscape is… but I guess from 200ft up, a tree just looks like a brown stick with some green on it. I must have passed this place a few times… oh wait… there is an Eva footprint, and another. Thought this place looked familiar."

Shinji sat on a fairly secluded area of the train, so he found that when staring out the window, a few random mutterings, shrouded by his hand, was a form of relief on the journey. It had been a while since he got out of Tokyo-3, he actually sat and tried to remember the last time he was outside of the area, Eva or not.

'It's been one month since Kawouru, and two since Rei… changed, so three since I got spat out of the Eva… and four since I was absorbed… Shit… the last time I was anywhere outside of Tokyo-3, was when I had to fight Unit 04… I guess I'm going to the right place.'

Shinji's hair had seemed to find a sort of balance at dark brown, most of the time it remained there, almost like the centre of a balance, from there it would get lighter or darker, it would all depend on Shinji's thoughts. His hair was now going darker, as his thoughts began to dwell on his friends, one in particular, one who in Shinji's opinion could never again be complete, no matter how advanced technology had become. The memories of the battle returned to Shinji's mind, losing radio contact with Asuka, then Rei, before spotting the creature. Then it all seemed to blur into the entry plug going red… then he killed the Eva… it was something that was worse than being Dark. At least with Dark it was his wants and needs fuelled by emotion… in the entry plug he felt everything, he felt the impulse to attack Unit-04, he felt the impulse to crush the entry plug, he felt it all, he wanted to do it all and yet he didn't want to do any of it.

'Father… you bastard.'

When the train pulled into the station at Tokyo-2, Shinji's hair was pitch black, his eyes had not yet changed colour, but that was only because Shinji was focusing on other things. As Shinji looked around the station he spotted his prey, two young boys, one standing much taller than the other, it had been so long that Shinji wasn't sure if it was them. But as the mechanical arm came up to block the sun from the taller's eye, Shinji felt a tear come to his own. He stopped about five metres from the two boys, his head was still lowered so that his eyes were shrouded by his hair, the taller boy continued to look before the shorter jabbed him in the gut with his elbow. The taller boy was about ready to hit the shorter, but then he followed his line of vision to the longhaired boy standing before them. Shinji's head raised and his normal blue eyes stared back, a smile crept over his face and he even seemed to cry a little.

"Shinji?"

Shinji's hair shot back to brown as Shinji's face brightened, both boys were visibly thrown by the change and Shinji ran ahead to hug them. Kensuke and Touji were so shocked it took them several seconds to throw Shinji off of them, Shinji stepped backwards and smiled again.

"Wotcha' do that for!?"

"Yeah Shinji, did you go gay once we left?"

Shinji's face went bright red and his head dropped a little, both boys feared the worst when they saw this.

'Oh no… he's slipped back into that depression of his.'

'He still blames himself… for this…'

Touji was holding his mechanical arm, Shinji looked up at Touji, for a few seconds Shinji was worried until he saw the look of worry on Touji's face. Shinji smiled again, this time he just lifted his head and brushed the hair from his face.

"I'm sorry… I didn't shoot you while I had the chance."

"Huh?"

They stared at Shinji, who was smiling, pointing to Touji's arm and leg, after a moment Touji chuckled a little.

"I'm glad you didn't, with your poor aim you'd probably have managed to shoot the Entry Plug dead on."

"Oh really! Is that what you think of piloting skills?"

"Of course, you're useless, if you didn't have Asuka there to back you up you'd never win!"

"Asuka… beat an angel…"

All three boys looked at one another for a moment, they were all looking upward trying to remember just how many angels Asuka had killed.

"There was that one in the volcano…"

"I thought you had to catch her before she sank into the depths of the Earth?"

"That's true."

They all looked at each other again, then burst out laughing.

"Asuka couldn't kill an angel on her own to save her life!"

"By my count, with out you or Ayanami… she hasn't killed an angel to save her own life!"

They continued to laugh a little before a large grumbling noise came from Shinji's direction, they all went silent and stared at him. Shinji's face went bright red.

"Whoops, that was me! I forgot to pick up some food while I was talking with Rei…"

Kensuke dived forward but was pushed down by Touji, yet both still managed to get close to Shinji.

"I was about to say we can talk over food but…"

"I wanna know what you were saying to Ayanami!"

"Yeah… me too!"

Shinji went red faced again, and his head dropped a little, trying to think about Ayanami.

"We were just talking, mainly about me being better than Asuka, actually."

There was another grumble, this time from Touji, followed by one from Kensuke, and a consensus was decided that the three would go for some food. They walked through the empty streets quickly, there was a chill in the air that evening and the selected restaurant was in sight. Touji and Kensuke had already scouted out said restaurant, and in their letter to Shinji had quoted it as (In Touji's handwriting) 'cheap, fast service and lotsa nice chicks' while it then changed to Kensuke's writing for 'nice food, quiet atmosphere and really cool view of the airfield!' Thinking about the letter Shinji's head dropped and they reached the entrance of a place called 'Caesar's Palace'. Shinji walked in and was astounded by the place, instead of being the dark and dreary restaurants that Misato had taken them to, this place was large, open and bright. There were fairy lights up the columns, the walls and floors were marble and the waitresses were all cheery and happy. They walked over to the small podium with a man stood noting in a book, they stopped before him.

"Ah, table for three?"

"Yes, non-smoking please."

"Very good, this way please."

The man led the three boys through the restaurant to a stairwell and then upstairs to a table by the window and even though they were only on the first floor, they could see a military airbase in the distance. Shinji and Touji sighed as Kensuke pushed his face up against the window to try and get a better view. They each picked a drink and some food, Shinji noticed that a beef-burger was only the equivalent of £3 (or $5ish), which was very good for what he was compared to in Tokyo-3. After the waiter was gone, they sat in silence for a moment, it was only then that the two boys burst out.

"So you and Ayanami an item?"

"NO! We're just friends!"

"Sure you are, we know you Shinji, you've had the hots for Ayanami since the day you moved here! I mean there… I mean… you know what I mean!"

Shinji nodded slightly, while at the same time trying to push out all thoughts and images of Ayanami, especially ones that involved key cards and showers. After a few moments of verbal barrages and images of Ayanami, he got this one image of Rei sat in the entry plug of unit 00, his hands twitching from heat and the only light was moonlight, just pushing past him onto her face. And that serene smile that she had, that one smile that was so much better than any other smile she had ever given him since. For a moment everything else was drowned out and Shinji could only hear a faint mutter, 'Shinji…' first it was Rei's voice but it became more and more masculine as it was repeated until…

"Shinji wake up!"

Shinji opened his eyes in a flash, the two boys were staring at him worryingly, and a strand of brown hair dropped below his sapphire blue eyes. Both boys were staring at his eyes and he picked up a knife to see his reflection, the blue that stared back was not his usual shade.

"I… er… can explain…"

"Shinji, you eyes… they are like Asuka's…"

Shinji's head dropped, he thought as hard as he could about other things and when he brought his head back up the two other boys saw the Sapphire blue return to its usual obsidian. They were sat in awe, the food was placed before them without a word, and as they began eating Touji finally spoke.

"What was with that Ikari?"

"Huh?"

"You know what I am talking about, that eye trick, not to mention that thing you keep doing with your hair!"

"I… I don't really know how to explain it. It just changes, when I think about things, things that make me angry turn my hair black and things I like turns it back. The eyes are more specific, they tend to associate with certain emotions."

"How did this happen?"

"I don't know, it has been happening a lot recently, I think… I had a dream… a dream that I was guided, helped by those around me. Until I could realise my own self worth, when I woke up… I woke up and the first thing I thought about was Asuka, I felt a jolt of pain and my hair went black, when I looked in the lake, my reflection showed red eyes. I can't really explain how it happened, I guess it must have had something to do with my being absorbed into the Eva."

"YOUR WHAT?"

"Sigh."

Shinji spent most of the rest of the meal, explaining what had happened in the past three or four months, since they had left. Meanwhile Misato and Asuka were staring at their take out meal, it didn't look like the usual Shinji feast. They sighed and began to eat, it was only as the phone rang that they found a reason to stop eating, neither allowing the other to believe that they couldn't finish the 'delicious meal' they had before them. Asuka was the first to the phone and Misato found herself putting another fork-full in her mouth.

"Hello? Oh, you want her do you? Fine. Hey Misato it's for you."

Misato launched herself out of the chair, grabbing the phone from Asuka and watching carefully as the girl retook her seat and began eating once more. With a smirk on her face she then answered the phone.

"Hello, Misato speaking."

"Misato, it's me."

"Ritsuko?"

"Yes, I was just going to tell you about our problem."

"Are you talking about, that remote control car we bought Shinji for his birthday?"

"Right, yes, it seems that it stopped receiving the signal about an hour ago, it isn't moving anymore, I don't know what to do."

"Well you can talk about it over here, Shinji is over in Tokyo-2."

"Tokyo-2?"

"Seeing Suzuhara and Aida."

"I see. Well I will talk to you later if it starts working again."

"Right, bye."

Misato sat down at the table and began eating again, Asuka just looked at her. Then after a moment she stood up.

"I didn't get a car for my birthday."

"What?"

"Why does that idiot get a remote controlled car for his birthday?"

"He just does, I'll get you something too Asuka."

"Good, it better be nice!"

Misato sighed as she returned to the food, then she stared out of the window, wondering what Shinji was doing. At that moment he was in fact back inside Touji's empty house, looking around Shinji noticed all the lights off, and there was some faint noises coming from upstairs.

"What's that…"

Touji then shushed Shinji, and the three silently headed up the stairs of the two-floor apartment, then down the hall to a room with the door open a crack and the television emitting an eerie blue light. As the three got to the door, Kensuke seemed to know what was coming, but Shinji was totally oblivious. Touji nudged the door open and spotted his pray, next he pushed the door all the way open and jumped into the room.

"BOO!"

Shinji's ear drums burst with the sound of girls' screams, when the boy looked round the door he saw Touji doubled over laughing, while Hikari and who he assumed was Touji's sister were hiding behind a blanket. He watched as the blanket lowered and Hikari stood up, he knew at this point that Hikari, had she been in his position, would have pitch black hair and bright red eyes. For the uppercut she dealt Touji with was almost as powerful as the one Asuka would have dealt upon him.

"You jerk! I take care of your sister while you and your stooge friend go out! And this is how you repay me!"

"Hikari… guests…"

"I don't care if the other stooge is here, he practically lives here anyway!"

"No… not Kensuke…"

Hikari looked at the door and the dark haired boy appeared from behind the doorframe, his normal blue eyes were somewhat of a give away.

"Shinji!"

"Erk!"

Hikari hugged Shinji as tightly as she could, Shinji practically burst but Kensuke used this time to help up his fallen friend. Hikari let go of Shinji, then stood normally again, looking quite embarrassed, Shinji then looked across and saw Touji's little sister, she was busy beating on her brother. As she punched away it was easy to see a bandage wrapped around her torso, probably protecting the scar Shinji himself had dealt. Shinji's hair went almost black, but thanks to the darkened room, no one who didn't already know about his hair, noticed it. The girl stepped forward and turned back to Touji for a moment.

"So Oniisan, who is this guy, he's cute."

Touji's jaw dropped at this point and he dragged his sister away by the waist, picking her up and taking her back over to her bed. This task would seem hard considering that she was still about twelve or thirteen, but when your limbs are robotic, things like that were probably easier than usual, or at least, that was what Shinji thought.

"There is no way I will let my little sister date my best friend."

"I don't wanna date Kensuke! Eww!"

Kensuke face vaulted, Shinji sweat dropped and Touji's head just twitched.

"I will not let you get your little hands on Shinji."

"Shinji? Shinji Ikari? The pilot of Unit 01!?"

"Oh no."

Touji's little sister managed to get her foot onto Touji's head, then stepping on it she launched herself at Shinji grabbing him by the neck and swinging around it, full circle. Touji was the only one to notice the strength that should require, to stand completely still.

"Ah now Shinji finds out why Touji's little sister tore him a new one when she found out Touji hit him."

"What? Kensuke? What are you talking about? Hey! Don't touch me there!"

Touji had gotten up and now forcibly pulled the girl off of Shinji, and placed her in the bed.

"Look, Shinji… my sister… has a thing for the pilot of Unit 01, she was never told who it was, or their later exploits."

Touji gripped his arm tightly, and Shinji noticed, he nodded in silent understanding.

"I'm sorry… I have a girlfriend, and being an Eva Pilot, it isn't safe. I wouldn't want you to worry about me all day."

"You… girlfriend…"

Touji's little sister pushed past Shinji, then out of the door crying her eyes out, Hikari went after her and Touji just stood there. In the silent moment, that Kensuke was really uncomfortable in, Shinji looked at Touji.

"So… you didn't tell her why you lost your limbs."

"Of course not, I was sworn to secrecy by NERV, not to mention the fact that I don't blame you for it… you didn't want to hurt the pilot, your father didn't care. You are my friend Shinji, I am glad it was you… If it had been anyone else, I probably would have been dead."

"Touji… I…"

"Don't worry about it… my sister is better thanks to NERV's treatment, for that I am grateful."

"Touji…"

Misato and Asuka had both gone off to bed, Misato in her drunken haste was still wearing all of her clothes. Asuka was curled up in bed, her dreams were not pleasant. She was dreaming about the years of her life she wished she had forgotten, the years that she had to face. By far the worst dream, the one that recurred over and over, was one when she was six, when from her pilot training she was taken to see the 'Commander' a man she never saw the face of. He was to personally examine the pilot. She watched as one man stood at the side, his face in the light, but that was only because he could not stand to watch the events that were about to unfold. The next few events seemed to blur in her mind, but still… she did not like the feeling that the blur brought over her, she felt sick to her stomach. She seemed to slip into darkness but there was a light coming towards her it approached her, a light that wasn't the same as the light that had attacked her in the Eva… but instead, this light was just white. From it came an angel garbed in white with two huge wings sticking out of its back and it caught her as she fell, when she looked up to the light she saw grey hair and red eyes. It was a face that she didn't recognise, and a voice she did not recognise.

'Asuka… I will protect you… I will always protect you…'

'Shinji?'

Suddenly there was a flash, the face was no longer unfamiliar, it was very familiar, the hair was brown and the eyes were obsidian blue. Shinji was holding her in his arms and he held her to him as tightly as he could before she woke up in bed. But what affected her the most were the final words she heard before the dream ended.

'I will always lo…'

The sentence was cut short by her waking up, she was covered in a cold sweat and breathing incredibly heavily. She rubbed her head, and then discretely wiped the tears from her eyes as if no one, not even herself, had even seen them. Then in almost autopilot she walked from her room down the hall and to Shinji's doorway, sliding the door open she saw an empty room. There was only a blanket on the bed, one Misato had placed there in case Shinji had ever wanted to stay.

"Shinji… baka…"

But even though she said it, she still didn't really believe it, she continued to walk and sat on the bed. His bed. Her hand traced the area his head would normally lie, then she looked at the door, she had closed it behind herself.

'But why would I…'

Then out of her mind's eye she saw Shinji lying on the bed, he was sleeping silently, she didn't even want to disturb him. So she just lay, it was disconcerting falling through his chest, but it seemed then that he was all around her and as she lay, she found sleeping was pleasant and almost enjoyable. Shinji was laying on the floor in Touji's house, and for the first time he was thinking pleasant thoughts of Asuka, he too could see her in his mind's eye. She was lying, crying in the rain and he walked over to her, holding her tightly, keeping her warm and dry, protecting her from the world. For a moment he opened his eyes, he looked across the room to the mirror Touji had left on the floor. As he stared at it he found something very different to what he saw when he usually thought about Asuka.

"They're blue…"

-

Author Note – I didn't like this chapter in the beginning, I thought I would put too much in at the start and end up empty on Touji and Kensuke. But I like this now. Anyone notice that I never used Touji's sister's name? Anyone notice… WE'RE NEVER TOLD!? Anyway, things seem to be developing nicely, I hope… Sorry about the wait, I have just finished my last week of University before Christmas, so I was busy drinking, etc. I don't think you would have appreciated me putting this chapter in when I was hung over… right… I will try not to take too long for the next one!


	5. Alone in the Dark

Disclaimer : I do not own Evangelion, although like many others I wish I did. I own none of the characters. This is a normal Eva fic, not sure about Eva battles because I am trying to focus on Shinji's torment and hopeful revenge, hehe. Read and Review, I need criticism and I need to know people are reading this garbage. Anyhoo, on with the show!

Right then

'Thought'

"Speech"

"(Actions in speech)"

-

"I see you've done some decorating since the last time I was here."

"Well I have had more free time since the last angel… since we were put on stand-by."

"It's okay Rei, you can talk about Kawouru if you want… one thing he taught me is that you always keep a fraction of those you meet inside of you. So I will always have my friends by me."

"That… doesn't make sense…"

"It is a weird theory I know, but it keeps me happy."

"Then I too like this… theory."

Shinji sat in Rei's room, it was now decorated with a pale yellow wallpaper, with yellow carpet, her bed spread was a simple one, white with a cream pattern on it. There was a table now beside the bed with a few drawers in it and a chair. There were curtains and even a few glasses with water laying about, Shinji was truly impressed by what the girl had done, seemingly all by herself. Shinji was about to ask if she had done all of it herself, then he spotted several books on the bookcase in the corner.

'"A beginner's guide to DIY", "How to lay a carpet", "The right wallpaper to suit you", holy cow!'

"So did you do this all yourself?"

"Yes… I did actually…"

"its very good Rei! I'm amazed, it looks like it was done by a professional."

"Thank… thank you."

Shinji turned around and Rei was blushing, it only took that for him to start blushing and Rei watched as his eyes turned sapphire blue. They both stood in the room, completely unsure of one another, but this insecurity would soon be cut short. Shinji didn't know it as he engraved the visage of the girl before him in the back of his mind, where he could remember her forever but this moment, would seem like a fleeting memory in only a few seconds. Rei was similarly preoccupied, staring into the boy's blue eyes.

'Come on… I know you love me… can you understand how I feel about you…'

BEEP 

"Huh?"

BEEP 

The two children turned their attention to the mobile phones that were ringing in unison, then they stared at one another again. Rei's face was flushed as she tried to express the sorrow she felt but Shinji's deep pink eyes that stared at her allowed her to know that he felt the same way. Shinji took her hand, then staring into her eyes.

"We… have to go…"

Without a word Rei nodded her head, still holding the girl's hand they ran towards the nearest entrance to NERV. While it was hard to focus on anything other than the fact that the mobile phone was saying Emergency Alert! Eva pilots to NERV HQ but Shinji was certainly distracted from the whole hectic situation by the warm feeling in his right hand. With Rei's hand locked in his he actually felt at home, at peace, even though the alert could mean either of them coming back in pieces. That thought struck a nerve, for a brief moment all images of casualties and wounds from Eva battles flooded into his mind and his head dropped. Rei could see his head drop but nothing else and as they reached the final hundred metres to the entrance of NERV, Shinji's head came up, his hair brown but his eyes obscured from Rei's vision. Shinji knew his eyes were different and he glanced into the windows either side of him.

"I will protect them, both of them… heh… yellow…"

It was almost like Shinji got a burst of energy at that point, Rei felt herself unable to keep up with the boy as he ran towards the entrance, their hands slipped and Shinji watch the shutters begin to close as the lock down began.

"Protect."

"Shinji!"

Shinji released Rei's hand in the final few metres, he jumped clear over the barrier and as he turned he landed and slid beneath the shutters. Rei watched as his yellow eyes disappeared behind the sheets of metal, she swiped her card to get through the turnstiles but the shutters refused to open, a small voice saying NERV lockdown in effect Please move to your nearest shelter . Rei swiped as much as she could but the shutters refused to open when she looked down at the card she saw writing on it.

"Card expiration… the third of March, 2016…"

Suddenly her phone began to ring once more, but the caller ID didn't say NERV.

"Shinji…"

"I'm sorry Rei… I was supposed to give you, your new card… but I don't want you to fight. I don't want you or Asuka to fight… please go to the shelters… we'll be fine… I'll protect you… I protect all of you."

"SHINJI!"

"Good bye, Rei."

The phone line went dead and Rei looked at the blood on her hands, then at the blood marks where she beat at the steel door. She then looked at the phone.

"Never say… Good bye… before you go out on a mission…"

The blood trickling down the screen of the phone was washed away with a river of tears descending from the girl's eyes. Shinji was stood on the other side of the door, he felt every punch through the metal, his eyes were deep pink, but he couldn't let it keep him and they quickly returned to yellow as he ran through the corridors, as he approached the cages he saw Asuka and quickly caught her up. She was having trouble keeping up with him, through the heavy breathing he heard her mutter.

"What… took you!?"

"I was seeing Rei… she couldn't make it."

"Good! I don't… need her… or you!"

"I'm sorry Asuka…"

"Sorry?"

Shinji's pace then doubled and Asuka watched him increase the distance between them exponentially until a blast door slammed shut in front of him. Shinji watched as the door got a lot closer, he skidded and rolled into the door, Asuka could hear the slam from where she was and she slowly reached the door. She watched as one behind her also shut, the lights flickered and then died, only the emergency lights remained.

"Shinji!"

Shinji painfully opened his eyes and looked up at the girl, for a moment he thought he might have still been unconscious. Asuka was directly between him and the emergency light, so from his point of view it appeared as though she had a halo around her head. Not only that but she had called him 'Shinji' not 'BAKA!' or 'Invincible Shinji'.

"What did you call me?"

"What? I mean… I… Oh my god you're bleeding!"

Shinji did feel a large throbbing sensation from both his head and his shoulder, it appeared that hitting a large steel door at the speeds he was running was not wise. Asuka was wearing her school uniform, even though Shinji was wearing his normal casual clothes, so Shinji couldn't really imagine her in any other way than the bitch she normally was at school. He opened his eyes again and heard her rummaging through her bag, she suddenly appeared again with a handkerchief that she dabbed at Shinji's head with, wiping up the blood. Shinji chuckled a little.

"What?"

"I just thought… you're being nice… and I'm sure my arm is worse than my head…"

"Well your arm can't be that bad, you might have a concussion! As for the nice comment, you'll pay for that when you're healed!"

"Heh heh, are you sure about the arm?"

"Yes already…"

Asuka looked at Shinji's right arm, the one that had hit the door, and subsequently the one that was far out of its socket at the shoulder. She stopped her sentence and dropped her head a little.

"This is going to hurt a little."

"Okay…"

Asuka rammed Shinji's arm as hard as she could into his body, there was a colossal click and Shinji's face was red. Asuka sat back for a second, knowing that Shinji would probably lash out at the pain and she was even ready to cover her ears from the yelling but there was neither. When she faced Shinji he was sat with his head down, there was no yelling, no screaming and he was sat perfectly still, his hair was almost pitch black but she hadn't realised this until now. The only time she had noticed Shinji's hair off colour was when he held the Colonel up against the wall, he seemed angry then, so maybe he was angry now. But when she focused on Shinji she saw a small trickle of blood from his head once more and she decided to try and overcome her fear of him.

"Are you…"

"I'm… fine… thank you, Asuka, I feel much better now."

Shinji's head lifted with a smile, he looked at her and his eyes were their normal colour, this made Asuka feel better and she dared to approach him. She began dabbing his head again before looking for something long enough to tie around his head. After a few minutes looking through her bag she sighed. Then looked at the boy.

"Don't get any wrong ideas."

"Huh?"

Asuka then proceeded to undo her skirt, or at least, the parts of the uniform that were attached to the skirt but went over her shoulders like suspenders. The waist still held the skirt in place but Asuka then untucked the blouse she had on and ripped off a long strip on the bottom. Shinji watched in awe at the spectacle.

"I was about to ask what kind of punishment were you going to give me for the nice remark… if this is it, I'll say you're nice more often."

"Hentai! Baka! I'm not giving you a show here!"

'Hey… if I had done this before… he would have gone little boy on me…'

Asuka remembered the time she tried to explain about expansion in heat, while using her breasts as examples, he just said he didn't think about stuff like that, not to mention when she kissed him.

'He was a really bad kisser.'

The girl hadn't even noticed that she had stopped ripping her blouse and was just kneeling before the bleeding teenager. When she did realise she continued with her task in the same way she had before, just with a lot more blushing than she had before. She then finished ripping her blouse and wrapped the fabric around the boy's head, causing quite a bit of pain for the poor boy. Then she crouched down so she was staring at him square in the eyes.

"That was punishment for the nice remark."

The girl then stood up and inspected the room that the two were now locked in, it was at least three metres across, and about five long. It had a single control panel on the wall giving a slight glow but it was otherwise inactive, there were supposed to be about three lights on the ceiling with the emergency one but only the emergency one was active now. She looked up and saw the vents but remembered that in lockdowns some vents are rigged with booby traps, not to mention the fact that she had no way up there.

'I can't climb or jump up, and Shinji is in no position to help me. Come on Asuka, you have to get yourself and the idiot out of this one!'

-

Meanwhile in the Command Centre, Misato stood staring at the locked door, the three techs were leaning about on their chairs while Ritsuko stared at the interface to the MAGI. After a few minutes of staring aimlessly Misato walked over to Ritsuko.

"So, what's the bad news?"

Ritsuko answered her friend without even looking away from the computers.

"Well, the MAGI's sensors say that there is no sign of an invasion force, and that the hacking has been stopped. Unfortunately a special lockdown has been called, all sections are locked down for at least four more hours, power has been cut off and the command centre is the only place with any mobile phone signal."

"So we are stuck here for four hours?"

"Yes, you could try the Eva pilots again but more than likely they are stuck in some corridor somewhere."

"Great…"

Misato then smiled to herself and went to whisper into Ritsuko's ear but the woman had already turned around and was giving her a pretty stern glare. She then whispered quietly enough for the others to miss completely.

"And we are not finding a way for Shinji to activate Unit 01 and get some defence outside."

"Boo."

-

During this time Rei had attempted several more times to enter NERV but had been unable to do so. After the few attempts she finally gave up, wrapping her hand in a handkerchief that she had she then proceeded to the shelter. This was a first for the girl, never before had she seen what it was like to be in a battle from the shelter with the normal people. As she ran though, there was only one thought going through her head, the thought of Shinji going into battle was the only thing that passed through her mind. The thought of the dummy plug, the thought of berserker, the thought of absorption. These thoughts were suppressed as she reached the shelter, the door was wide open and the lights were on the dimmest setting, she carefully descended into the room and found it to be empty.

"True Tokyo-3 is largely deserted now… but there should be someone here."

Rei continued to inspect the area, calling out for people before she reached the information screen, although she had never been to such a shelter before, she knew from hearing the class talk about it, that there should be the words A state of emergency has been declared for the Tokai Region… but instead there was no sound. She touched the screen and it came up saying the shelter was currently unoccupied and that there is no state of emergency.

"That cannot be correct."

Then Rei ran at top speed to the entrance of the shelter, each step was a hazard as she sprinted and she tripped several times, using the rails to stop her from hurting herself. When she finally reached the top of the stairs she looked outside, Tokyo-3 was deserted, as she knew, the first evacuated wave wasn't due back for several days but still, in a real emergency the sirens would be wailing.

"The alarms are silent… then this is not an attack…"

Part of her was relieved at this point, but at the same time there had been no contact with her since Shinji locked her out, so why didn't they need her. She looked at her phone, after a few seconds of inner turmoil she made a decision.

"My first call should be to Major Katsuragi but…"

The screen came up and it scrolled through to the entry 'Shinji Mobile' then she pressed the green call button. She then held the phone to her ear in the hope of getting a reply.

We are sorry, the phone you are dialling is outside of our range or switched off, please ring back later. 

Rei brought the phone back down and began to scroll through until she found the entry 'M. Katsuragi Mobile' once again she pressed the green button.

-

BEEP BEEP BEEP 

"Huh?"

Misato jumped from her sleeping position, while the other techs just murmured something, searching through her jacket she pulled out the mobile and saw the caller identification.

"Rei?"

She pressed the green button and held the phone up to her ear.

"Major Katsuragi?"

"Yes Rei, I'm here."

"What is the current situation?"

"We are in lockdown and the power's gone, we won't be able to unlock NERV for about three hours. Where are you?"

"I'm outside, walking towards NERV."

"Outside? Are you with Shinji? He was visiting you wasn't he?"

"Err. Shinji is inside somewhere, he went in without me."

"Without you?"

"He said something about protecting…"

"So Shinji is locked in NERV somewhere?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Great."

-

"You know I don't see what you are smirking about."

"Just you."

Shinji was sat against the blast door he had collided with, his left arm holding his right shoulder, as if doing so was lessening the pain. His left hand was also cushioning his shoulder from the solid surface of the wall he was also leaning against so he sat square on in the corner of the room. He had the material wrapped around his head still while Asuka was still pacing around the 'cell' they were stuck in trying to find a way out. She was getting quite angry but Shinji was in no position to start finding a way out.

"Hey, maybe when you're finished pacing a hole in the floor you could try your mobile phone again, like you have the last nine times."

"Why did I even help you!? You inconsiderate brat!"

Shinji began to chuckle a little again.

"You know, you are actually quite cute when you are angry, your cheeks get all puffy and your nose curls up at the sides."

"Maybe you really did bang your head, you're talking crazy."

"Just keeping myself busy, anyway, it's helping me ignore the fact that the lockdown stopped the heating system and as this corridor runs right next to the chryostasis area, a large amount of the heat in this corridor is escaping through that wall. You might have noticed the fact that our breaths have started condensing…"

Asuka was just noticing that her breath was starting to form clouds in front of her mouth, it seemed that it was only as Shinji said this that she had noticed. She looked over at the wall Shinji had indicated and there was a lot of condensation on the wall. She paced around a little more before she felt a chill, she then moved towards Shinji and sat down beside him.

"Cold…"

Asuka had forgotten that her blouse was ripped at the back, and although she had redone the suspender-like section of her skirt back up there was still an area of her back exposed and this rested against the cold steel wall. She huddled up a little and then felt a warm sensation around her shoulders.

"What do you think you are doing, you little pervert."

"What does it look like, and I'm taller than you."

Asuka was about to punch Shinji in the ribs but he then brought her into his chest as tight as he could and the feeling of warmth throughout her body pushed away any sensation of anger she felt towards the boy.

"You should let people inside sometimes, they only want to help you."

"I… don't need anyone…"

"Yes you do…"

Shinji sat with Asuka in his arms and it wasn't long before she had her arms wrapped around his waist, Shinji was unsure of what to do but he knew he was enjoying the sensation, his hair was dangling before his face in a light brown shade. After about twenty minutes of just sitting there Shinji decided to try and get Asuka to open up to him.

"Why do you push me away?"

"Because… I don't need anybody…"

"But that isn't true… is it?"

"No… I need to be with people…"

Shinji knew that he might have a chance of seeing Asuka's true self if he could just get her to open up.

"What ever you tell me… I will never repeat it."

"I know… you were always so nice to me…"

"Then why did you push me…"

"I have never had anyone who cared about me… my mother… she went insane and abandoned me and when she killed herself she killed a doll she thought was me… she wanted to kill me…"

"I… my mother… disappeared inside the Eva when I was little… so I understand a certain loss…"

"You can't understand how I feel… your mother… she didn't hate you…"

"She didn't but you have to understand that not everyone hates you…"

"But your mother… she is supposed to love you unconditionally…"

"I agree but you have to understand that a mother isn't necessarily the one who gave you birth, a mother can be the one who loves you now and who is willing to fight for you now. And you have friends Asuka, friends who want to stay with you and protect you…"

"I don't need protecting…"

"You do… Asuka. You are strong, but at the same time you are weak, like we all are. I have no doubt that you can defend yourself but now… now, you need people who will defend you, who will love you."

"No one loves me…"

"I do…"

Shinji bit his tongue at this point, that was not the line he wanted to say but following the trail of the conversation it was the only logical thing to say. He wasn't even sure if he did love her it was only when he found her staring at him that he opened his mouth again.

"I love you, Asuka. And I will always protect you…"

"Your eyes… are so blue… I think I… love…"

Shinji was shocked when Asuka's lips pressed against his, although at the same time is wasn't necessarily an unpleasant experience. She backed off for a minute, checking what she was doing and still unsure whether it was the right thing to do. But as she stared into the blue eyes she just felt a warm feeling reach up to her face and the palm of Shinji's right hand stroked the side of her face, she realised the pain this must have been causing him but his face remained unchanged. He simply stared at her then used his hand to guide her head up to his and then they kissed again, this time they parted only momentarily as Shinji's head came down to hers and they began kissing heavily. Asuka was amazed that the little boy she had constantly been insulting and teasing was now kissing her in such a way that made her heart swell and her mind rest. The last kiss they had shared was appalling, but this one was different, this time instead of feeling the urge to wash her mouth out she never wanted to let anything touch her lips again. As they kissed Shinji began to nibble on her lip and she felt like she was going to explode, then she felt the chill of the air on her lips and she opened her eyes. Shinji's blue eyes stared back, his hand was still resting on her face and her own right hand had come out from behind his back and was twisting the long hair on the back of his head through her fingers.

"I will always protect you…"

"And I will always protect you."

Asuka then came back up to Shinji and they continued to kiss, Shinji's hand wandering around her back and up the gap in her blouse. He felt her skin up to her bra, then he began to stroke her back trying to heat it up with his own warmth, as Shinji felt up her back he stroked the bumps in her skin caused by her vertebrae and she seemed to push into the kiss even further than before. It was only now that Asuka got truly surprised when Shinji's tongue began to trace around her teeth and she sent her own out to meet his. They sat like that for quite a while until Asuka pulled away and stared at Shinji. Shinji's hand then left Asuka's face, his right hand then met is left underneath Asuka's blouse, and they began to undo the latch on her bra. Asuka was about to question the boy when his mouth left hers and he began to kiss down the side of her neck. After a couple of moments of fiddling with the latch it finally undid and Shinji was ready to go for his goal. The heating systems were reactivating and the room was returning to normal temperature, they were no longer feeling the effects of the cold. Shinji brought his left hand up to support Asuka's head while the right supported her back as he lowered her onto the cold ground. She gave a small whimper as her bare back touched the ground but Shinji's kisses made it all go away. Shinji then removed his hand from behind her back and undid her blouse, Asuka hadn't even noticed that Shinji had removed the upper section of her skirt and she felt quite exposed when the only thing that stood between Shinji and her breasts was a bra that was already undone. Shinji brought his head down and began kissing her neck once more, then at the same time he began to move down, nibbling her collarbone, then down further until he was kissing her upper breast. He then used his chin to move the bra away and he began to kiss her nipples, she was not unaffected by this but Shinji hadn't seen her discomfort.

"What if the lockdown ends and someone sees us."

"We'll have a few second warning."

"It is quite… exciting…"

"I love you…"

Asuka watched as Shinji's head returned to her chest, kissing her torso from her collarbone all the way down to her belly button. Asuka just lay there and stared up at the ceiling, allowing the sensations to arouse her but also pain her at the same time. It was only then that Shinji began to move towards her skirt and he undid the side button, as he was about to move underneath, Asuka panicked.

"I… You… I'm on!"

"On… oh…"

Shinji's black haired head moved away from that area and he moved back up to her face once more.

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't be… it's my problem…"

Shinji then began kissing her, while his hands began to move around her breasts, repeating the action that Asuka had shown him at the pool that fateful day. They remained like that for some time.

-

"So is it time?"

The blonde haired doctor turned to her colleague, she too was getting impatient and looked back at the timer on the screen before her.

"Lockdown will end in five minutes, power should be coming back on in a few seconds."

"Good."

-

Flicker.

"Shinji… was that…"

Shinji's head was picked up, Asuka had opened her eyes when the darkness beneath her eyelids became a flash of light brown, but the sight she saw was likened to a dog or wolf who had heard the sound of a gun shot. Shinji looked back down at her and nodded, the two quickly gathered Asuka's clothes, allowing her to redress herself, Shinji just tried to stare away as Asuka slid the long sleeved blouse over her bandaged arms.

"Asuka… those bandages…"

"Are nothing… they're nothing…"

"Okay…"

The lights suddenly returned to the corridor and they were left sat in the corner, while leaning on the other, they didn't seem to be in any friendly or affectionate pose. Shinji used the light to stare at Asuka's face and the blue of her eyes was enough to make him feel warm and he smiled as he leant his head back. Dink. Asuka heard a mutter, she looked up to find tears gathering in the corner of his eyes and his bandaged head touching the steel metal door. She smiled a little and then looked up as the security camera became active and began scanning the small room, from an unseen speaker a voice could be heard.

Asuka! Shinji! Are you okay? 

"Misato?"

Yes, are you okay? 

Asuka looked down at the now resting Shinji, she had stood up when she heard the voice, looking back with some noticeable concern she returned to the camera.

"Shinji has a cut head, possibly a concussion and I had to relocate his shoulder."

Asuka what did you do to him!? 

"NOTHING! He ran into the stupid blast door! Don't blame me!"

Shinji was sat smirking and he lifted his head to the camera.

"She's telling the truth, Misato… these blast doors… are really hard."

Well the lockdown will be ending any… 

Shinji jumped as the wall he was resting on began moving upwards slowly, and he rolled forwards onto his knees.

…time now. I'll send a medical team! 

"No, I'll walk to the medical bay, it's okay."

Are you sure? 

"Yeah, Asuka can walk me."

Okay… see you there. 

"Bye."

The conversation was closed and to anyone walking through the, now open, corridor it would have seemed quite strange, a boy talking to thin air. But Shinji and Asuka quickly went to walk towards the medical bay and Shinji's hand easily found Asuka's. As they walked Shinji began to chuckle.

"I wonder what happened to this so-called 'attack', then?"

Asuka wanted to laugh, she wanted to get angry for the fact that it was a false alarm but she was too busy having other things on her mind. Shinji looked down at her and was surprised by how unhappy she looked.

"Are you… okay?"

"Yes… it's just…"

"What?"

"I… don't think I am ready for a physical relationship…"

"I understand… we don't have to do _that_ until you are ready…"

"Thank you…"

"I love you, Asuka…"

Asuka hugged the boy tightly and he put his left arm around her as they walked, walking through the corridor in some post-modern picture of love.

-

Rei just passed through the turnstiles, or more like, jumped over the turnstiles, she was walking through the open corridors towards the Evangelion cages, hoping that would be where she would find Shinji.

'I must tell him, before I lose him forever…'

-

"I am going with Major Katsuragi, Maya, will you ensure everything is fine with the MAGI?"

"Yes Ma'am!"

Ritsuko and Misato then descended the lift, heading towards the floor with the medical bay on, they were half way there when Misato spoke.

"So… who were they…"

"I don't think I need to tell you…"

"It was them…"

"Yes… they are testing us… it probably won't be long now…"

"I wish we had more time to prepare…"

-

Author Note : Yes admittedly, this story certainly started heading towards the realms of lemons, I have set this as a PG-13 (which means lots to an English guy) so I am guessing a certain amount of sex is allowed. I won't be doing that often but it was necessary for the story. For all you ShinjixRei fans, erm, sorry? This chapter was not a major turning point for the kind of content don't worry, the whole get together was required for the story line. If any of you think the speed it happened is unrealistic… I beg to differ.


	6. Separation

Disclaimer : I do not own Evangelion, although like many others I wish I did. I own none of the characters. This is a normal Eva fic, not sure about Eva battles because I am trying to focus on Shinji's torment and hopeful revenge, hehe. Okay brief warning half way through… this story now involves a relationship between Shinji and Asuka, that is based (in speed and content) on an actual relationship (hence large insight). This means that if any part of the relationship that seems unreal is completely real. Any similarities between this story and real events are intended and aren't just coincidences. I also don't own the N64 (I own a N64) nor do I own the rights to Goldeneye (but I do have Goldeneye). Read and Review, I need criticism and I need to know people are reading this garbage. Anyhoo, on with the show!

Right then

'Thought'

"Speech"

"(Actions in speech)"

-

"That… isn't fair…"

"I know… but I have to go back, it is only for a couple of weeks… I'll see you then…"

-

Shinji opened his eyes, he looked at the ceiling, then over at his desk. On the desk sat a couple of pictures that he had managed to get developed, it had been only two days into his relationship with Asuka when it hit its first bump. The photos that he stared at showed a very happy couple, both smiling, both laughing and holding hands, but it had been several days since he had held Asuka's hand. It was a memory still fresh in his mind.

-

Shinji, Touji and Kensuke sat in the middle of Shinji's apartment, it had appeared that Tokyo-3 was not going to be the Capital anymore, but instead that would be Tokyo-2 and all Shinji's hopes of his friends returning permanently were crushed. But still he could enjoy such nights as this, when his friends could come and stay, it was such a surprise to him and he still didn't really know how to tell his friends about recent events. His head was still bandaged and the dig Touji gave him in the shoulder brought a tear to his eye. Shinji had been out with Asuka earlier in the day, but they had since gone their separate ways, although he was happy that the two were together, he still felt like they were apart. He had also failed to tell Misato, Ritsuko or anyone else about his relationship with Asuka, in fact, he was quite bothered about not telling Rei. He had walked Asuka to the door of Misato's apartment and although it was like a second home to him, or even his actual home still, he just stood at the door and the two shared the briefest kiss before the door shut. He was certainly not ready to tell Touji about his relationship, he would go mental.

'If I tell Touji then he will not only ridicule me… but he will also beat me around the head and tell everyone he knows, regardless of whether or not they know who either of us are, that we are together!'

So he sat and waited, he had recently managed to get a hold of an old computer games console and a television, so the three were playing on the computer. Touji was going around shooting both of the remaining boys with little to no mercy, laughing and cackling as he went.

"Take that Bond! Hahaha! No one kills Coltrane! Not even you Oddjob! Hahahaha!"

So engrossed in the game as he was, Touji had failed to notice that Shinji was playing away with his mind obviously somewhere else. Kensuke had spent so much time going through the blood dribbling death sequence that he had enough time to notice Shinji's mood, even between his own thoughts.

'How can a camera-carrying, computer game-playing, self-confessed NERD be losing a computer game to this JOCK!?'

Touji continued to decimate the other two players and when the alarm bells started to sound he just started spinning and shooting, his own private victory dance. Shinji was still in a world of his own and Kensuke still managed to take a shot to the head attempting to get in that one last kill. As the game ended Touji stood up triumphantly, then looked at the other two and stretched.

"Ahh… the sweet feeling of victory… you two should try a different level and some other weapons, I'm going to use Shinji's facilities."

As soon as Touji was clear of the room, Shinji moved from his frozen position hunched over the controlled and he stretched out on the floor. He looked over to Kensuke a few times then back at the ceiling trying to figure out whether or not to tell him. Kensuke had not missed this and eventually he just sighed, looking at his watch he knew that Touji would be in the bathroom for a while, especially after the dinner they had just eaten.

"Sigh! What is it? I won't tell tall, dark and stupid."

"Thanks… I thought you should know… before it spreads that me and…"

"Rei!?"

"No… me and Asuka… we are a couple… sorta…"

"Asuka? You're joking."

"Nope, it might seem strange but I'm quite happy."

"Why? How? When? Who?"

"Because I love her. We were locked in a corridor together for 4 hours. Yesterday. Just the two of us."

"Wow. Good going Shinji, as mental as she is, she is still one hot babe!"

"Thanks… I think… please don't tell Touji…"

"I won't your secret is safe with me!"

Shinji nodded to his friend, smiling and showing that he was quite happy, he then sat back down at the computer. He scanned the screen then thought about the next game.

'Eva equipment… knives… rifles… pistols… power weapons will do… level… large and open… Temple… heh heh… let's see Touji now.'

Shinji smirked to Kensuke who quickly understood Shinji's evil grin, he returned the sentiment, and then they waited for Touji to come out. He left Shinji's bathroom with the flushing sound in the background, he held out his mobile phone in his mechanical arm. He then sat down at the computer ready to start.

"Oh guys, apparently Hikari is here visiting Asuka, she texted me so I told them to come over… Asuka knows how to get here doesn't she Shinji?"

"Yeah, she does."

"Good, they'll be here in about an hour, they still had 'girlie-time' or something to do, now then, let's get going."

"Hai!"

The view rotated around the masked character Shinji had chosen, one wearing a purple uniform with ski goggles on. Kensuke was worried that Shinji's plan would backfire once Asuka was in the equation but he saw that it had a totally different effect on him. This was obvious when three seconds into the game, Kensuke's character fell onto the floor dead and it was only ten more before Touji's died too. Kensuke looked to his left as Touji began his uproar.

"NOOOO! YOU CAN'T KILL COLTRANE! HE IS GOD! NO ONE KILLS COLTRANE!"

Touji and Kensuke both stared at Shinji but instead of the heavy headed boy they played with before, whose forehead glistened with sweat and was constantly blinking. They were now faced with 'Autopilot Shinji', Shinji's eyes were almost grey and his vision was not on the screen, but beyond it, even Touji could see that he was day dreaming, more than playing on the computer. It continued on in the same fashion for a while, Shinji didn't die once and by the end of ten minutes he had actually totalled up about fifty kills, which was quite impressive as the death sequence is five seconds long and the level was massive. Touji immediately went on the defensive trying to attribute his failure to things but Shinji didn't care, that was, until the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!"

Shinji was up quicker than Touji on the end of Asuka's boot, he practically raced to the door, which Touji found irregular but not completely suspicious, while Kensuke thanked the universe that Touji was so dense. Shinji raced to the door, unsure of how to act or what to say, knowing that he had to keep his feelings in check. That was of course until he opened the door.

"Hell…"

"Good Evening Shinji."

"Rei… hello!"

The girl stood at the door, her breath condensed before her face and Shinji didn't even notice the layers of coats she wore to keep warm. Shinji just seemed to stand there, completely motionless, he wasn't sure how to act and his mind was running a mile a minute.

'Argh! Rei! I haven't told her about Asuka! Asuka can't find her here! What do I do!?'

"May I come in?"

"Yes of course…"

'NO, YOU IDIOT!'

Rei walked into the apartment, taking off her coat, she hung it on the pegs that had been mounted behind the door. Shinji closed the door behind her and let out a large sigh, he then led Rei into the room where Touji and Kensuke were sitting. Seeing Rei there was a large shock to both of them, Kensuke seemed to be having the same reaction that Shinji was having. It took a few seconds for Touji to speak.

"Shinji, you dog!"

"It's not like that!"

"Shinji and I have are not an item, Mr. Suzuhara."

"Oh… well… I…"

Touji didn't really expect Rei to say anything, she had never said anything, ever. He had only ever had one conversation with her, and that was when he was still whole, so having her there and speaking, was strange. Shinji led the girl to his bed and sat her down, taking his own seat on the floor facing her.

"So Rei, were you… alright after the drill yesterday?"

"I was fine… I heard you hurt yourself but Ms. Soryu helped you to the infirmary."

"Yeah, little knock on the head and a sore shoulder, nothing another couple of days won't heal… heh heh."

"To be honest I was surprised you didn't call yesterday, to check on me."

"I heard off Misato that you were fine, and I was a little distracted… I'm sorry."

"No… it is fine."

Kensuke and Touji were feeling left out and they continued to play on the computer while the two talked, although Shinji thought he saw Kensuke going through the motions of digging a hole while no one was looking a couple of times. Shinji knew what that meant and he also knew that the boy was right. Knock knock. This motion was not as quick as the first, Shinji just stood and walked over to the door, opening it slowly he saw the two girls and sighed. He quickly smiled and greeted them, hugging Hikari and sharing a glance with Asuka, but it seemed that Asuka hadn't even told her best friend the news. As he led them into the main room he was sure Asuka was going to kill him.

"Hello Ms. Soryu, Ms. Horaki."

"Rei! You're here too?"

'That's it, I'm dead.'

Asuka sounded surprised and enthusiastic, at first he was waiting for the evil glance back to tell him he was dead but it never came. Asuka sat on the bed next to Rei, then the two actually began to start talking like civilised human beings. Shinji retook his place on the floor and sat playing the computer game, occasionally looking back up at the two girls.

'Why is Asuka being so nice? Maybe she is just happy. Although… maybe she doesn't see Rei as a rival anymore, she knows she can obtain a higher synch-ratio and she knows she has me. Maybe all Asuka's hostility towards the girl has subsided.'

They sat for a little longer before Hikari got mad at Touji and forced all three boys off the computer and made them face the three girls.

"Now we are going to have a civilised conversation!"

"Yes Class-Rep."

This was intended, Hikari didn't find it funny, Asuka did and even Rei's lips managed to curl a little. The leader figure decided to let it go and they began to talk, the subject was wide and changing. After a while Shinji felt a vibration in his pants and when he looked at his mobile phone there was a message left on it.

Sender : Asuka Mobile

Message : I cant stop thinkin bout last nite. X 

Shinji looked up to the girl and she was busy averting her gaze from him, knowing if they stared at each other it would last forever and everyone would catch on. So Shinji got to work on his phone and sent a message back, Asuka looked at her phone and opened the message.

Sender : Shinji

Message : I cant either, I want to hold u more than ever. 

The conversation between the two carried on in the same way for about five more texts off each one, Kensuke had noticed and was slapping his forehead, Hikari had noticed be didn't understand while Touji and Rei were oblivious. The conversations were drawing to a close as the time went on and it was only then that Hikari nudged Asuka in the side.

"Come on."

"Okay… I… I've been called back to Germany for a couple of weeks."

At this point there was a painful glare to Shinji who was just staring blankly at the bed, she watched his hair go black in an instant and she then turned back to the others.

"They want me back there for some tests, routine stuff, then I'll come back. Hikari thinks it is important that I tell everyone."

"It is important!"

"Well anyway, you all know, I am getting picked up tomorrow morning at 11 am, to be taken by plane to Germany."

"That sounds like fun, going home, seeing your family!"

Kensuke tried to lighten the mood a little but he was failing miserably, Shinji just kept staring forward. The girls got up to go and Hikari offered to walk down to the gate with Rei, they all got up to leave and Shinji walked them to the door in silence. Touji and Kensuke were back playing computer games straight away, all part of Kensuke's plan to keep Touji away, while the girls gathered at the door.

"I'll see you soon, Shinji. You'll come and visit, right?"

"Yeah of course."

Shinji hugged the girl then looked at Rei, they hugged and Rei then stood back.

"I shall see you tomorrow?"

"Probably, I'll come round… maybe…"

"Understood."

Asuka walked past him, not really wanting to say anything in such a bad situation, but as she walked she felt a warm grip on her hand.

"Asuka, can I talk to you for a second?"

Asuka looked at the other two girls, then she stepped back, looked at Shinji and back at Hikari.

"I'll meet you down stairs."

"Okay."

As the two figures disappeared, Shinji slid his door shut but not enough to lock shut, his hair was black and his eyes raised with the same blue tint Asuka had seen before.

"Germany?"

"Yes… I found out today… after our shopping trip… I'm sorry…"

"But we are still…"

"We are great…"

"Can I stay with you until you leave?"

"Misato is taking me to the airport at 11."

"I will walk to yours in the morning then, about 9ish."

"I would like that."

Shinji went forward and kissed the girl on the cheek, she breathed in almost on reflex and she relished the thought and feeling.

"I will see you tomorrow."

"Yes tomorrow."

-

The next morning, Shinji walked Touji and Kensuke to the station for their early train home, they exchanged the normal male good byes of hugs with pats on the back. Shinji watched their train disappear into the distance and quickly turned to run all the way to Misato's. This is something he did as well, he did not stop once from the station to the apartment block, he reached the door and pulled out the key he had been given. He snuck into the apartment, then straight through into Asuka's room, it was all packed and she was asleep with her clothes on.

'Now that is an angel.'

Shinji walked over, taking in all he could see, her cute little face resting on the wool of her jumper and the duvet on the bed. Her legs bent up onto the bed in a pair of moderately tight jeans, and her arms brought up to her face. He then tiptoed over to her, crouching down he planted the smallest of kisses onto her lips, then backed away as she began to stir.

"hmmm… Shinji…"

Still asleep her head turned to face upwards and Shinji planted another kiss onto her lips, this time remaining there waiting for her eyes to open a little. Then as they began to open he raised his head and stared at her.

"Morning, sleepy-head."

"Morning… what time is it?"

"Almost nine o'clock."

"Hmmm… sit down… now…"

Shinji felt her arms grab him and pull him onto the bed, where she drew him into the longest of kisses, he felt every feeling he had felt in the last two days come out in this kiss and when he pulled away his eyes were a blue that rivalled Asuka's. They remained kissing for some time before the had to get ready to leave, but Shinji just rolled over and held Asuka close to his body. They stared at the roof together for almost an eternity.

"Asuka… I don't want to let you go…"

"I'm not going to leave you… I will never leave you…"

"Can we survive being apart? I have only just got you."

"You have me now and forever… until you get tired of me."

"I will never get tired of you."

"Are we going to tell anyone?"

"No… not until you are ready to tell them…"

"Thank you… you are too good for me…"

"That's a joke, right? Asuka you are beautiful, caring and kind, when you get past your defences, as far as I am concerned, I am the luckiest guy on Earth."

"Thank you."

-

"It's strange Shinji, I didn't hear you come in this morning, and I didn't think you and Asuka got on well enough for you to see her off."

Shinji sat in the front seat of Misato's car, Asuka sat in the back, surrounded by her bags, trying to ignore the appalling driving of her guardian. Shinji knew the route to the airport and he also knew once there, he may not see Asuka for a long time, his hand acted on autopilot and reached into the back of the car. Misato was too busy driving to notice that Shinji and Asuka were holding hands, and they quickly let go of one another when they approached the airport. They parked and Misato grumbled about needing a parking ticket.

"You two wait here, while I get a ticket."

"Right."

They both followed Misato down to the ticket booth, where she started fiddling around with the few meagre pennies she had, she only needed to turn her head to see through the back window and into the car. But that made it all the more exciting.

"Asuka…"

Asuka looked up to find Shinji leaning over the back of the chair, his hand outstretched to guide her face towards his, and it was not something she moved against.

"But Misato might see…"

"It makes it all the more exciting…"

Their lips met and they shared in a brief kiss that seemed to last an eternity, when they broke the kiss Shinji glanced over Asuka's shoulder to see Misato just about to turn away from the machine. He quickly sat down again but allowed his hand to move back and hold Asuka's.

"I will never let you go."

"I know."

Misato returned and they gathered Asuka's luggage, checking it in and then exploring the airport, they were walking around when Misato left the two.

"I'm just using the little girl's room."

"Okay."

As soon as the woman was out of sight the two looked at one another.

"Should we tell her?"

"I think it would be wise."

"But she thinks we hate each other… it won't be believable."

"Shinji… would you say that this part of the airport is international territory?"

Shinji quizzically looked at his girlfriend, she had an almost devious look on her face that Shinji couldn't quite figure out.

"Yeah… I guess, that is why things are duty free."

"So this place doesn't hold the normal Japanese values as much?"

"I would guess not…erk!"

Misato almost died when she left the ladies' toilets, she quickly scanned the room for her charges but could only see a large number of adults and two people kissing. It took her a few seconds to look at the two kissing, she almost found it disgusting, kissing in public but that had been what she was brought up to believe, in Japanese society anyway. She was in half a mind to slam them around the heads but that was when she paid attention to their heads. One had long brown hair, or at least, long for a guy, and the girl, she had long orange hair, from that alone she still couldn't take the logical steps. Until she saw Asuka's electrodes floating around on top of the orange head and the hair on the guy turning lighter and lighter, that was when she made the connection.

"OH MY GOD! What are you doing!?"

Shinji's hand guided Asuka's face back and the two looked over at Misato, who was half way to a hospital bed, clenching her heart. They both smiled at one another and shared another brief kiss before Misato came over and tried to pick up Shinji by his collar.

"What the hell is going on!?"

With the simplest of smiles, Shinji just looked back at her, she hadn't actually managed to get him off the ground at all.

"We are in love."

"Love!? You two are too young to be in love!"

"No we're not Misato, we are old enough to save the world, so we are old enough to make this decision."

"Come on Shinji, listen to yourself you…"

"He's telling the truth, Misato!"

"Asuka?"

"We do love each other."

-

That was not Shinji's happiest day, watching her leave, the journey home wasn't much better and the time since has been even worse. He had already missed out on a large amount of time, since Asuka left he had spent almost every night on his phone talking to her. It wasn't an unpleasant experience but with school starting again, the tests and eating, he had no time to see Touji or Kensuke in Tokyo-2, nor could he go and see Rei.

"It is good that I can speak to Asuka but… I miss my friends…"

Shinji then remembered a conversation he had with Asuka a few days before that had resulted in a quick trip to the bathroom, just thinking about it made his pants stretch a little, but even though they had the conversation, he still felt like something was wrong.

"I enjoyed that conversation… the excitement… thinking about her gorgeous body… thinking about what she was doing at that moment… my own thoughts… dragging her panties down with my teeth… but… I… don't know…"

He was just lying there, he had never been so unsure in his life, Asuka loved him and he knew it but he still couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. He also knew that her life was like a sad story, she was always in pain, so he knew he had to try and make her feel happy, to feel good, anyway he could. But it was still Tuesday, Asuka didn't return until Friday night, so what was he supposed to do for the remainder of the night, then three full days. He just lay there, unsure of what to do to pass time, waiting for Asuka to call, then he jumped.

BEEP BEEP 

Shinji grabbed the phone that lay on the desk beside him and without even looking at the screen he pressed the answer button and held it to his face.

"Asuka!?"

"Err. No… it is Rei… I'm sorry Shinji… if you are waiting for I call I can go…"

"No! Rei… you don't have to do that… I'm not even sure if Asuka will call… it's nice to hear from you."

"I was just… cough… wondering if you could come over and check something for me…"

"Sure, you want me to come now?"

"Yes please."

-

Shinji pushed the door open as usual, although he did now see several bolts and locks on the other side, Rei had left the door open for him. He knew full well that Rei would never be so forward as to invite him over and try to repeat the events of the key-card incident. But still it was strange, he felt the urge to bolt the door, but he didn't want anything to happen, he looked around and could think only of Asuka. In the end he was forced to call out to find the girl.

"Rei?"

"Over… here…"

Shinji followed the voice into the main living area, towards the bed and he found Rei lying, curled up under several layers of bedding, at first he didn't really know what was going on. She turned over and he could see that her cheeks were red and she seemed to have a sort of glow on her skin.

"Rei."

"I think… I might have come down with something…"

"Let me check…"

Shinji checked her forehead, and it wasn't hot, but she seemed to be quite cold, he did some routine examinations of her throat and then found a thermometer to stick under her tongue. After a few minutes he could find nothing wrong with the girl but still she seemed incredibly weak, and quite cold. He was sat beside her on the edge of the bed and after checking her temperature he just looked at her.

"I don't think there is anything wrong with you, but we should see Dr. Akagi in the morning. Are you going to be okay on your own?"

"Yes…"

This was said in a voice so weak that it was impossible for Shinji to not see that Rei didn't want to burden Shinji, even though she needed him to stay. Shinji just sighed and looked down at the girl, then he smiled.

"Do you need anything? A drink?"

"No… I'm just cold."

Shinji's jacket was on the back of the chair across the room, he slipped off the slippers Rei had left by the door for him, then he lay against the wall. Rei knew what she wanted, she lifted her many blankets over Shinji and they both lay beneath them. Shinji was at a balance between comfort and discomfort, being so close to Rei was nice but he wondered what Asuka would say if she saw them. He looked at Rei and realised that she was still fully clothed, which made things easier, although he was already feeling the heat of being full clothed and under so many layers of blankets. Rei continued to lie but she still felt cold and it wasn't long before she wrapped herself around Shinji to share in his warmth. Shinji hugged her back but he could not allow anything to happen because of Asuka, and it was a thought that constantly went through his head.

'Remember Asuka… I am so going to hell for this…'

After about an hour of lying there, Rei pulled herself up a little and kissed Shinji on the lips, although it was not a kiss of passion but of thanks, Shinji was still a little uncomfortable. When Rei moved away she rested against his chest.

"Shinji… you have a kind soul… I am glad that you are happy with Asuka… but I am also glad that you can still be with me…"

Shinji thought about what the girl said, he was sure it didn't mean that he could cheat on Asuka but that he and Rei could still be friends. He had been there almost an hour and Rei, probably in a sort of half-asleep delirium, kissed him another couple of times, and Shinji's own fatigue was setting in. He looked at the time and it said '0212', on Rei's clock, he didn't want to fall asleep in Rei's bed, because it would be sleeping together, whether or not they did what that usually implied. But he was tired and a couple of times he seemed to act without opening his eyes, half-asleep and imagining he was with Asuka. His hand was wrap around Rei's waist and he would kiss her like she kissed him, not like the kisses he shared with Asuka. A couple of times he found himself kissing Rei's stomach for reasons unknown to even him and eventually they were laying in a horizontal hug, the side of his face resting against the cushion of blue hair. Rei had begun to feel better and Shinji looked at the clock.

'4am, I really need to go home… I will make sure she is okay tomorrow.'

"Rei? Are you okay, if I decide to go?"

"Yes…"

This time there was conviction in her voice, he looked into her eyes and she smiled at him, and he walked out of the apartment. He made it all the way back to his apartment without thinking too much but as he closed the door behind him he looked at his phone. Three missed calls. Shinji locked his door and slid to the floor, his head dropping and he sat with his arms resting on his knees and his head resting on the bridge his arms made between his legs. It was only then that he really thought about what had happened and he looked in the mirror, his eyes were pink.

'Pink signifies sorrow… I'm sorry Asuka… I know I didn't cheat on you but… I can't let you find out about this…'

-

Author note : Let me say, it is really annoying when things like that happen. Now I have noticed a lot of anti-ShinjixAsuka people out there reviewing me. Thanks for the reviews and I know these chapters seem sappy and stuff but this is Eva! Do things last? Oh and Drake… I think you meant Shinji when you put 'Harry' in your review. Ummm… what else… Oh yeah! Coltrane is not a character from James Bond but in fact the actor, Robbie Coltrane who plays the Russian Mobster, Valentin Dmitrovich Zukovsky (who I also don't own). This sequence was based off a stint in my High School when we played on an N64 in our free periods and several of my friends acted a lot like Touji did… that was until I turned into a little version of Shinji and massacred them… hehe.

P.S. It is Christmas Eve-Eve, so I don't know if I'll be able to write another chapter in a day and a half, so if I don't… Merry Christmas everyone!


	7. Bait

Disclaimer : I do not own Evangelion, although like many others I wish I did. I own none of the characters. This is a normal Eva fic, not sure about Eva battles because I am trying to focus on Shinji's torment and hopeful revenge, hehe. Read and Review, I need criticism and I need to know people are reading this garbage. Right, from now on all currencies are in english, (i.e. GBP or £) if you want some idea what that is to local currency go to and go to the currency converter. Anyhoo, on with the show!

Right then

'Thought'

"Speech"

"(Actions in speech)"

"She'll be here soon… Misato's out of town… Rei is at a training weekend… it is just me and her."

Shinji lay on his bed, looking around his room that he had decorated as best he could, glancing past the décor and straight at the clock.

"The NERV personnel car will be here to take me to the airport soon."

Shinji took this time to scan his room and check that he had acquired everything necessary to make this weekend go off without incident. First there was the simple romance idea, his room was spotless, there was no junk visible in his room, on the table lay the presents that he intended to give Asuka and a few other items she had said to pick up. He then looked around the rest of the room, thinking back to a phone conversation he had shared with Hikari when he first came up with the plan. He replayed Hikari's part of the conversation while at the same time answering them out loud in the same sort of thing he said to Hikari over the phone, although now he was far more agitated.

'Get some nice drapes up, some reds and oranges, then some candles…'

"But I can't have candles because of the super sensitive NERV fire alarm they installed!"

'Oh… then some nice fairy lights, either white or the reds, maybe some romantic music. Oh and flowers! Asuka told me that she has never received flowers off anyone before in her life!'

"Well I have the flowers."

Shinji glanced over at his desk, among the assorted presents there was a single red rose in a vase on the edge of the table, he had only bought it a few hours earlier and it had been sitting in water ever since. He looked around and traced the path of the red, orange and yellow fairy lights he found, then along to the CD player he had purchased with some CDs he had made on the NERV computers with some romantic music from the West. He also made sure he picked some songs he had heard Asuka listen to or seen in her CD collection, before she left anyway. He was so nervous, he had showered, shaved, combed and gelled his hair. He had even had his haircut, so although it was still floating around the various colours between brown and black, it was no longer dangling in front of his eyes. He had put on some expensive aftershave he had bought and it was now in the final minutes before he would be taken to the airport to meet her.

"What happens if she has decided the long distance relationship won't work… what if she's found someone in Germany… what if…"

Shinji had found himself quickly returning to his old self as the day had gone on, he had Kensuke and Touji helping him with shopping in Tokyo-2, earlier in the day. They weren't very happy that they were shopping and that Shinji was buying flowers, chocolates and the like. They were then more than shocked when Shinji stopped outside of a 'girlie' shop. Shinji knew it was a girlie shop, as had been defined to him as one where the overall colour of the shop was pink, the name was in some silly font and the vast majority of people inside were of the female persuasion. Then in the same way that he had managed to take himself into a flower shop he grabbed the two other boys and dragged them into the pink realm of fluffiness. The only thing keeping him from turning into some form of produce, which is what believed happened to a boy who went into such shops of his own accord, was the memory of why he was in there.

Shinji lay on his bed, he had been speaking to Asuka for a solid couple of hours and the fact that NERV paid all their phone bills was becoming somewhat of a blessing. They were in one of their silent moments, between topics of conversation and they were both running low on the ability to make a decent conversation out of telling each other how much they loved one another. As Shinji began messing with his recently cut hair he heard the smallest sound emanating from Asuka's end of the phone.

"Shinji…"

"Yes Asuka?"

"When you go out to buy the shampoo and things… you could… maybe… pick something else up for you…"

"Asuka, I have already told you, I am not buying £30 aftershave!"

"No, not that…"

"What then?"

"You could pick me up some underwear… I'm size 8 to 10."

"Underwear…"

"And I might wear it for you… and we could… maybe… act out that conversation we had…"

Just thinking about it made Shinji's nose pulse a little, but now was not the time to get excited, especially with all the girls around, he helped Touji and Kensuke dodge each rack of clothes and he reached his target. A small rack with assorted thongs, Touji and Kensuke stared between Shinji and the rack with some sort of amazement.

"Shinji… you lucky dog!"

"Nothing like that has happened yet!"

"But it might… with something like this."

Shinji ignored his friends and he grabbed a small black thong with the number eight printed on it, he was as unsure of what the measurements converted to as the author is, but he just listened to Asuka's directions. He grabbed the item and went to the counter, looking incredibly embarrassed, so much so that Kensuke and Touji were sure they saw his eyes go light pink. He stood at the counter as the woman slowly priced the item and placed it in a clear bag, every so often glancing up at the boy who was just looking around waiting for someone he recognised. When they finally left the store Shinji almost ran out, they got outside and looked at each other.

"This stays between us."

"Agreed."

Shinji was now ready and waiting, the presents ready to give, flower, shampoo and stuff, chocolate and the… thing. The music was already playing on a continuous loop in the background and he did a quick test, which he had to admit to himself was quite impressive.

"I must admit, this is quite impressive."

He left everything on as he heard the beeping horn from outside, he wasn't shocked, and he knew the time for anxiety was yet to come, waiting for Asuka at the airport. He closed and locked his door, then descended the stairs towards the car, waiting to take him to the airport.

The journey was unpleasant, Misato had said that she was unable to take Shinji to the airport, so he had to be escorted by agents, although he was happy that he would have Asuka all to himself. He spent the entire journey playing the weekend through in his head, a night in, then tomorrow, they would go shopping and then out for a romantic dinner, then Sunday, they would go back to Misato's and have a dinner with her. Then once the dinner was over, he would kiss her good bye and return to his apartment until school the next day.

"I… guess this is a bit much for two weeks apart… and she will still be with me... afterwards…"

They approached the airport, as Shinji watched the rain fall outside he could almost swear that the rain was falling slower than usual, like time itself was slow. As the main entrance got closer and closer he felt more and more anxiety and worry, by the time the car had stopped Shinji's hair had begun absorbing light. Shinji was literally sapping the light from the room, his eyes were blank and vacant, it was like he had ceased feeling any emotion. He dragged his feet through the airport, he stopped as he reached the board warning of flights, he couldn't see any that were due to arrive for Germany.

"None… from Germany… What?"

He scanned the boards again and he stopped when his eyes fixated on a single column, it had no origin, no destination, no delay time or time of take off, just a message and a gate.

"Gate 13… Government use only… Asuka…"

Shinji was quickly away, it was almost like that alone brought him from the brink of despair, his hair shot to a dark brown and he sprinted along towards the gate signposted as 13. He pushed past unknown numbers of attendants, passengers, flight crew and waving loved ones as he hurtled down the corridor. He felt his feet throb with every agonising step he took towards depot, he twisted and turned, every wall he came to had a sign saying the direction of the elusive terminal 13. At one point he pushed himself off the floor so hard he felt it give way slightly and he turned in mid-flight to see tiny cracks in the floor. He had to see her, just to reaffirm her face in his mind, that would have been enough. He finally entered the final long hall, in the far distance he could see a sign pointing to the left with a large 13 printed on it. Then much like Eva Unit 01 performed in the orbital falling angel, Shinji watched as his surroundings moved faster and faster behind him until he was moving so fast that the metal hand-rails around him had begun to vibrate and resonate as he passed. His feet had begun tearing holes in the shined metal floor and when his turn finally came, he slammed his feet down, his head turned without any concern for his direction of movement.

"Asuka?"

But as Shinji looked, he saw only delegates of a conference stretching and looking at their bags, in the background Shinji could make out a pair of soldiers, that was until he began paying attention to where his feet were. He had chosen to stop on a large mat, placed on the floor before the terminal to, what Shinji assumed, make the delegates feel welcome. Although he found the mat slid fairly well along the shined metal floor, when enough force was applied to it.

"ARGH!"

Shinji slid about ten metres further down the hall until he came to a stop, although he didn't really care anymore. He just lay, the mat folded so that some was under his back and the rest over his legs with his feet where the fold was. He stared at the ceiling, his hair going darker with each second, when he finally managed to drag himself off the floor he just brushed himself off. His steps were slow and laboured towards the terminal, he glanced left and noticed that his eyes were pink, the glass windows of the old terminals 14 through 20 that had long since closed, or been destroyed, reflected his emotions perfectly. As he turned back to the front he noticed the two German soldiers had taken position at the door, they were pointing their guns at the boy, obviously taking his abrupt entrance and exit to be a threat. In his current mood, he knew he could probably dodge the weapons, it wouldn't be hard, see where the gun is pointing and move before he pulls the trigger, but Shinji's energy levels were far to low for him to care. He simply lifted his arms in the air and stopped walking.

"Halt! Anschlag oder wir schießen!"

'I had already stopped you German…'

The two soldiers moved towards him, he continued to stand straight and decided to try and make some amends to the situation. He bowed his head and hid his sadness and displeasure.

"I apologise, I thought I was meeting a friend…"

"RUHE!"

One of the soldiers hit Shinji with the butt of his rifle, which, much to the soldier's surprise, only managed to send the boy's head to one side. Shinji did not like being hit, he did not like being threatened, and he certainly did not like soldiers. When the soldier got angry Shinji knew what was coming next, another butt to the face, another attempt to get the boy to submit and hit the floor.

'I'm not in the mood for this… _dumkopf_…'

Shinji's hair rapidly turned black, it even began to stick up slightly, almost like how an animal sticks up its hair to make itself look bigger, then his eyes went bright red. The soldier didn't get a chance to see the red until he wondered why his gun had ceased moving. He followed the boy's dark hair along his shoulder and arm, then up to the hand that had clasped his rifle by the butt, the soldier tried to over power the boy, but he was unsuccessful. He stared into Shinji's red eyes and became paralysed with fear, his friend, who had not yet made a move on the boy pointed his gun at the back of the boy's head.

"Das würde nicht klug sein."

The soldier turned his head towards the terminal and a tall figure stood watching the spectacle, almost taking pleasure from it. While the soldiers knew the voice had only an authoritarian feel to it, even in German, Shinji knew who it was. And that didn't please him. They stood frozen in position for several more seconds before the figure stepped forwards, once more asserting his authority.

"Weg gesetzt hinunter die Waffen und den Schritt, bevor er Sie verletzt."

The soldiers looked at one another, their weapons, then the boy. They weren't just going to drop their guns and move away, and they certainly couldn't see how the boy would hurt them first. So they remained on guard, the man stopped several feet away, pushed his glasses back up his nose and sighed.

"Pilot Ikari, remove your hand from that rifle now, that is an order!"

The soldiers knew limited Japanese, but they knew rifle, when the rifle was released the two jumped back quite quickly. Their guns were still trained on the boy but Shinji's attention was elsewhere.

"You are dismissed."

The two soldiers then stepped back from the boy and lowered their weapons, Shinji then took several steps forward, he walked over towards the Commander, his head held high, he wasn't going to give his father any satisfaction from the encounter. As Shinji approached the megalomaniac, he was certain he was yet to see his father under such circumstances since his great change in personality. So he was going to make it as memorable as he could, he stepped up to his father, who had always towered above him, then brushed past, their shoulders' separated by only an inch or so in height. Also in doing so, Shinji flashed the reddest eyes he could muster at the old man, even seeing this Gendo didn't flinch. In fact as Shinji got a step behind him he spoke once more.

"Oh and you can drop the knife as well."

"Yes, Commander."

Suddenly a large clatter could be heard as a large army-issue knife hit the floor with an almighty 'thud'. Shinji then moved away from his father, quite content in how the encounter had unfolded, he also listened for the muttering in German from the soldiers while they inspected their uniforms. Sure enough, the soldier that had had his gun pointed at Shinji was missing a knife from his belt, although he had no idea how it was removed. Once Shinji had left the immediate vicinity, Gendo smiled, he turned back to the German delegates who each looked stern.

'It would seem that things are proceeding along the scenario just as I had predicted.'

"Very good, Shinji."

He then stepped into the terminal with the German delegates, his smile quickly changed to his stern, commanding features. He stomped into the room and the two soldiers who were meant to be protecting the delegates remained behind, totally afraid of the situation they had just witnessed.

"What is the meaning of this recall order?"

"We, the people of Germany, feel that with the angels gone, Evangelion Unit 02 would be best serving its defensive purposes at home rather than abroad."

"You don't have the facilities to deal with an actual operational Eva!"

"Yes we do."

Shinji's pace was distinctly slower as he reverse navigated the halls, he noticed several footprints on the walls and floors from where he pushed off in his haste. He chuckled a little at his weakness, all this for a girl who wasn't even there. Part of him was still unsure as to how to act in such a situation, Asuka was gone, she hadn't come back, he hadn't even heard from her in days. He knew it was coming, he just didn't know when, when the pain in his heart would arrive and he would more than likely fall to the floor. His head remained down as he walked, trying to think of things to cheer himself up, mainly how he had triumphantly stood up to his father, without running away. He continued to walk when he came across a familiar pair of shoes.

"Shinji?"

Shinji looked up, following the shoes, to the pants, to the jacket and eventually the head of white hair.

"Professor Fuyutsuki. Good evening."

Shinji knew that the Professor was his father's top lackey, but still he showed no ill will to the man, and although at times he had been strict on the pilots' showcasing, he was a good man and something told him that his mother trusted him.

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I thought Asuka was coming back, the terminal down there was the only one that could have even been from Germany so…"

"Ah I see, you haven't been told."

"Told?"

"The delegates down there are here to take Unit 02 back to Germany, it would appear as if the Second Child will not be returned to us."

"Not coming back?"

"No… I'm sorry Shinji, I read the memo that Major Katsuragi wrote, it is a pity it ended so swiftly."

Shinji was feeling the feeling that he had worried about, that pain in your heart like someone's stabbed a large, double tipped, helix-like, red spear through it. The feeling that Asuka wasn't coming back, his mind raced as all his different emotions put their own opinions forward, Shinji wasn't even sure which emotion said what.

'Then… we'll be alone?'

'Why hasn't she contacted us? Doesn't she care about us?'

'She must have found someone else! And when I get my hands on them!'

'I'll never get to see her again…'

'There was a memo?'

"Hey yeah!"

Shinji was now sure he was going to shift all his self pit and anxiety over to anger at Misato, that seemed like a good idea. He turned his attentions back to the aging professor, smiled and gave a slight nod.

"Thank you, Fuyutsuki-san."

"Anytime, Shinji."

Within seconds of Shinji leaving, Gendo strode up, his pace much quicker than Shinji's and he stopped once he reached his second in command. They looked at one another for a second then checked the surrounding area.

"So did they take the bait?"

"Yes, they took Unit 02, they also believe that doing so has greatly disturbed my scenario, the fools, they have only managed to re-enforce it."

"You saw him, didn't you."

"Who? Shinji? Yes, his progression is ahead of schedule, I am impressed at how quickly he is adapting. It won't be long before the time is right."

"Gendo, is it fair to place all of your hopes into Shinji?"

"He is strong Professor, he will succeed where I failed."

Shinji wearily opened his front door, each bolt seemed to weigh a tonne, he clicked and turned, finally the door jarred slightly and he pulled it open. It slid open quite effortlessly, he walked into his apartment alone, it was all romantic and there was everything that he had done waiting for him. He sighed, breathing out the heavy air that filled his lungs as he slid off his shoes and placed his jacket on the rack. He was about to take another step but he decided out of simple habit and nostalgia.

"Tadaima!"

"Okaerinasai."

Shinji jumped out of his skin, why was someone in his house? He quickly jumped into the kitchen to find that, even at the late hour it was, Rei was stood at the stove cooking some food. Shinji didn't know what to say, or what to do.

"Rei, why are you here?"

"I am here to keep you company. The Commander told me that Miss Soryu would not be returning and I thought that you would need a friend to be here."

"You thought?"

"Yes, was I wrong to do so?"

Shinji answered the girl by drawing her into a long tight hug. At first Rei was unsure how to act, it was not a situation she was accustomed to, but Shinji began holding her tighter and he rested his head against her's. From the sorrow-filled sigh that Shinji let out, Rei knew she was doing the right thing. After a few minutes, Shinji released her and looked at her, she saw her own face reflected in his pink eyes, so she smiled softly and brought her hands up to his face. Shinji just remained still, inside his emotions, logic and common sense were all having a free-for-all, his eyes just wobbled slightly from side to side as Rei closed her eyes. She then used her hands to guide Shinji's face to her own, meeting him half way, it was the moment of contact when the free-for-all finished, Shinji pulled back looking at Rei. His eyes were like two kinds of water mixing together in a sink, pink turning into blue turning back into pink.

"Rei… I…"

"Shhhhh."

She brought her finger up to his lips, Shinji was pretty speechless, he craved company now more than ever, he craved the caring, the touch and the love. Rei turned the stove off, inside Shinji saw that there was only simple noodles, nothing she would have spent more than five minutes making, he was about to question her but she grabbed his hand a pulled him towards his bed. Walking into the highly romanticized room, Shinji couldn't help but feel that he could have Rei, that there would be no problems, he could have her and be with her forever. But she took him to his bed, she removed his shirt and her own, but from there she slid him into bed without either of them disrobing further.

"Rei?"

"When I needed someone, you did the same. I feel that you need more intimate contact, also I… want to be like this."

"Understood."

Rei then cuddled up to Shinji and began to drift off to sleep, Shinji just held her and stared at the ceiling, he looked over to his CD-player, it was still playing from when he left. He listened for the track to change, once it started he simply closed his eyes and quietly started singing.

"No one knows what it's like to be the bad man… To be the sad man… behind blue eyes… And no one knows what its like to be hated… to be fated to tell all the lies…"

Author Note – Okay for those who don't know, that last bit is from "Behind Blue Eyes" by Limp Bizkit. Now I got a pretty angry review for the first version of this chapter, and to be quite honest, I didn't like it all that much either. Although it was the chapter that took months to write, it just isn't the same as doing it all at once. So I changed it for this one, which has a better twist in it actually. Hehe, anyone who liked the old version… well… I can send u a copy but I will be changing the storyline from that ending. So it is a bit crap.


	8. Lead to Distraction

Disclaimer : I do not own Evangelion, although like many others I wish I did. I own none of the characters. This is a normal Eva fic, not sure about Eva battles because I am trying to focus on Shinji's torment and hopeful revenge, hehe. Read and Review, I need criticism and I need to know people are reading this garbage. Anyhoo, on with the show!

Right then

'Thought'

"Speech"

"(Actions in speech)"

QUICK NOTE : MAKE SURE YOU HAVE READ RESUBMITTED CHAPTER 7 FIRST! OTHERWISE THIS WON'T MAKE ALL THAT MUCH SENSE!

The light burnt his eyes, it passed effortlessly through the silken veils that Shinji had draped over his windows and straight onto his eyes, he felt the tinted orange light on his eyes and he wearily opened them. The first sight he managed to capture was the glistening effect of the various veils he had draped over the windows the night before in order to make his room romantic for Asuka. He brought up his left hand with ease to block the light as he tried to piece together the fragmented memories of the night before. He looked around and remembered the assortment of gifts, presents and general items he had purchased for Asuka, he then went to bring up his right arm but it was pinned beneath something. After taking in the sights of the room and remembering their purpose, his first thought was that Asuka would be lying beside him. But as he brought his head across other memories began to surface and before long he was faced with another beauty, the slumbering visage of Rei Ayanami, complete with multi-tinted light on her face. To any other male on the planet, such a wake up would have stirred a pleasure greater than any other imaginable, but to Shinji it was something else. True, he loved her, true he wanted her, but he could never have her. Rei was the one thing he held constant in his ever changing life, she had been edging closer and closer into his life over the past weeks and he knew that soon, he wouldn't be able to live without her. Yet he did enjoy her presence, it soothed him and he also knew that his presence had a similar effect on her. Although they both lay half naked in each other's arms, there was nothing sexual involved, he felt none of the feelings he did with Asuka. Just the sensation of touch on their skin was enough, enough to allow them to feel comfortable, for a time. In a way Shinji likened it to maternal relationship, Rei would soothe him like a mother would soothe a child while what he was to Rei he was unsure. Perhaps it was best described as a brotherly relationship. That was certainly how Shinji was willing to leave it, he never wanted to lose Rei, never.

"Morning, Blue."

Shinji looked into Rei's, now opened, eyes and saw a slight smile on her lips, at first he didn't know what she meant but after a moment he thought that his eyes must have been normal colour at that point. Shinji was about to answer in kind, but he quickly remembered that Rei disliked red and that the fact she had to look at the colour every day in the mirror must have been painful on her.

"Morning, Rei-chan."

"Do you feel stable this morning?"

"I am still trying to simply ignore _it_, but I will face it later on… thank you Rei. But I will have to face that moment alone, but you staying with me last night… that meant a lot to me."

"It wasn't any inconvenience, I wished to help."

"I know and that's what makes it so important."

Shinji hugged Rei again, he wasn't sure when she had decided that her bra also needed to be taken off but still, he didn't really think of it like that. He didn't think about her pert nipples sticking into his chest, he only thought of the warmth from all her skin resting against his. As he lay there he could feel the bursting in his head, like the thoughts surrounding Asuka had formed a single battering-ram ready to beat down the block he had put them in. As he hugged Rei the thumping got louder and louder, each bump he tensed more, squeezing tighter and tighter, eventually he was brought out of it.

"Shinji, perhaps we should have some breakfast."

"Yes, I think we should, do you have anywhere in mind?"

"Well… many eating establishments have not yet begun regular opening times since the city was given the all clear… Although statistically there should be at least one th… What?"

Rei had sat up straight, talking to the invisible audience in the top corner of the room while she went over the various points on her hands, this not only looked entertaining, but the fact that she was doing so half-naked left Shinji laughing. In fact by the time she had stopped, Shinji had propped himself up on his right arm, while laying on his right side, simply staring at her with a large goofy smile. When she finally turned to him he smiled more and tickled her ribs causing her to begin a series of small giggles.

"How about I make breakfast?"

"You… em… embarrass me."

Rei managed to state between pants as she attempted to regain her breath, Shinji knelt up and shuffled past the girl, sending both hands up each side of her body causing her to arch backwards. She giggled hysterically and tried to use her arms to block him but he over-powered her and she ended up half off the bed by the time he stopped. She lay back, blushing heavily and breathing just as heavily, Shinji simply smirked and walked towards the kitchen.

"Kawaii, Rei-chan."

Rei's blush got a little deeper but she was unable to respond, in truth she had never been handled in such a way before.

"You are going to confront the thoughts of Miss Soryu now, am I correct?"

Shinji looked up, Rei was just stepping over the threshold of her apartment when she spoke, Shinji just stared at the ground.

"Yes, I have a place I go to in such situations."

"Understood… be careful… I don't want you to hurt yourself…"

"Don't worry Rei, I'm not depressed."

"I'm not worried about such wounds…"

"Oh."

Rei finished her step into her apartment, she then turned to Shinji whose vision was diverted away from where she was. Her face was perhaps the most emotion-filled Shinji had ever seen, it was unfortunate that those emotions were anxiety, jealousy, worry, fear and sympathy. Shinji just looked into her eyes and brought his hand up to her face, be bent down to kiss the girl on the lips but made sure it was nothing more than a peck. It was enough for Rei to feel calmed, enough for her to let go of his other hand. Once freed Shinji's hand returned to its place at his side, he bowed to the girl and turned, although he didn't take a step for a moment.

"Once this is over… I'll come back to you…"

"I understand."

Without another word, Shinji walked on, leaving Rei's corridor, the floor until he was out of the apartment block, Rei moved over to the edge of the balcony like corridor and watched Shinji until he had left and was gone from her sight.

"Be safe."

"You ready for this Professor?"

"What are you up to Ikari? What is significant about that area that we need to keep careful surveillance on it?"

"Watch."

"Wait, isn't that…"

"Hmmm, not a word. Not a text or call, not a page or letter or email. Heh. I knew I would never get inside that girl's heart. HELL! I doubt she even has one."

Shinji was pacing around his usual spot, he stepped through the area that had once housed his life diagram, passed the rock that had been cracked down the centre because of his fist.

"She's gone, Eva Unit 02 is gone, there is no reason for her to come back and she would never come back for me! Why am I so unimportant? WHY ASUKA? WHY?"

This latest outburst was followed back a swing as his right fist impacted the same unfortunate stone that he was perched on last time, although this time instead of blood and a delayed cracking, there was a thunderous roar and dust filled the area as the rock crumbled. It was like the area was hit by a missile, there was a shockwave in all directions as the stone turned to dust before Shinji's eyes, yet somehow he was unsurprised. He simply pulled his hand away, checking it for any broken bones but simply found that the skin was barely even broken.

"All that effort for you! All those talks! All the times I said I love you! Do you even love me? Or did you love me simply because I was there? If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with? I can't even hate you Asuka! I can't even bring myself to associate you with hate, I just want to understand… WHY?"

This time it was both hands clenched together into a single mound of flesh, that he threw into the ground having moved on to more solid terrain the ground crumbled beneath him, much like the shadow angel that swallowed unit 01. After that it was only a couple of seconds before Shinji rolled from the crouched position onto his back, he then lay, staring at the sky. It was a nice day, it was sunny, there were few clouds in the sky and the birds were singing, even as far out as he was. He could see right up into space from where he was, straight through the air to the blue that lay between him and the great beyond. That was until the clouds shifted, dissipating like some great force pushed them aside, that was when Shinji saw the light. Coming from roughly the direction of the sun a large object was falling from orbit towards Tokyo-3, he knew it couldn't be an angel, he would have been alerted. Although he realised, his phone was at home and he was perhaps too far from the city to hear sirens. He panicked but then watched the object explode from a single barrage of battery fire. No angel was ever destroyed by the city's built-in defences.

"Wait, if that wasn't an angel… what was it?"

"We've confirmed it, it was an N2 mine, more than likely launched from a Eurasian launch facility near Germany."

"Have we confirmed it?"

"No Ma'am, the Magi are still working on it."

Misato spun around to look up to the Commander's desk but found that Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki was already bent over, talking into the Commander's ear obviously questioning the same things the young Major was also questioning. Although whether or not that was true its debatable.

"Do you think it was the Germans?"

"Of course it was, once Unit 02 was in their grasp they tried to make sure that we would cease being a threat."

"How does this affect the scenario?"

"At present, I am unsure but I believe we shall know very soon."

"Commander?"

"Call in both Evangelion pilots, prep both units for launch! If we see any more objects I want them to ensure they are destroyed before they reach the city!"

"Yes Sir! Hyuuga, get a hold of Shinji!"

"Ma'am, we have no idea where Shinji is! He isn't answering his phone and intelligence is reporting him missing."

"Just great, at the very least get Rei in here now!"

The technicians flew around like they were all stuck in fast-forward, gliding from station to station on their chairs, typing frantically checking the directions of the in-coming missiles. Misato just watched, there was little more she could do in such situations, the automated defences would do a good enough job stopping the missiles. Although the missiles weren't her major concern wasn't the missiles, but Shinji's location, every government official in the UN knew that Tokyo-3 could defend a missile barrage, it must be a distraction. Years of tactical training told Misato that, use the big guns to distract while a team slips in and dispatches an undefended target. But what else could she do, it was outside of her jurisdiction to yet at the intelligence department to find Shinji, she was only in control of Eva combat. She watched the techs fly around some more, she then turned attention to the telemetry on the screen, but still she was unable to hold in her suspicions.

"Commander…"

"What is it Major Katsuragi?"

Gendo glared down at the Major, his usual calm distorted into an angry tone that scared the pants/skirt off of the young woman.

"…I believe that the Third Child may be in some form of danger. I believe the missile attack is a distraction."

"That is obvious, Major!"

Gendo continued to glare down like Misato was some sort of lesser life form that couldn't quite grasp what was going on around her. She stood there for several seconds, she shook a little and just simply tried to compute what this meant.

'He knows Shinji is in danger… why isn't he acting? I know he doesn't care all that much for him, but Shinji's our best pilot.'

"Sir…"

"That is enough Major! Let's see what Shinji can do…"

The last segment of Gendo's speech was too quiet for all but Fuyutsuki to hear, the taller man simply smirked and let his attention drift back to the missile telemetry. Gendo wasn't even looking at the main monitor, he was looking at the small screen before him, the one that was linked to the external surveillance equipment set up all around Shinji's little 'shrine'.

'Whoa, rock!'

Shinji brought his legs up as tightly as he could to his body as he flew over the hidden obstacle in the demolished section of town. He then allowed a single leg to dangle as he landed, pushing off almost immediately to pass down the debris-filled street, jumping from rock to rock and occasionally sprinting down the few flat surfaces he could find. Shinji looked as the fire rain came down from the sky, dozens of missiles falling from the heavens only to be stopped by the city's automated defences. It would have actually been quite impressive, if a single one of the missiles couldn't wipe out most of Tokyo-3 in a single go. Shinji's speed increased with each step and he was beginning to feel how he did in the airport only the night before. That was when a single object appeared on the horizon in the distance, an object that rivalled the size of the buildings. He slowed to a stop as the giant blue monolith appeared and began shooting the N2 missiles at far greater distances with its particle rifles.

"Rei…"

Then as he stood perfectly still, he felt a tingle in the back of his neck, like all of the hairs there were standing on end, he wasn't alone.

'I'm being watched, we're being attacked… snipers…'

Shinji dived into an abandoned building as he heard the sound of a ricocheting bullet rang out from the ground behind him. He quickly pushed himself, hard into the corner of the building making sure that he was as hidden as possible. As he brought his arms and legs in to become as small as possible he began to smile slightly, his hair began to go darker and his eyes went quite grey.

"This is obviously just one of those days…"

Shinji pressed as hard as he could against the wall when he heard the sound of quiet footsteps in the road outside of the building. He knew that soldiers were on the move, normally a person wouldn't have been able to hear the silent footprints, but Shinji wasn't a normal person. He could hear every step and make out the brushing sound of the clothes as they shuffled, even through the loud explosions above. But the part that made Shinji a little confused was the feeling he got, like he could feel the soldiers moving on the other side of the wall, like they were invading his personal space. He felt the air move around them as they walked, as they moved further around the walls he realised that the building was quite secure, the sniper must have lost his shot and they had been sent in to flush him out. There was no way Shinji was going to give them the satisfaction of an easy kill, so he scanned the empty building for anything he could use as a weapon. He found three large poles, probably used for construction that were just the right length for hand held weapons, although he had one more than was necessary.

'What should I do with this one? Hmmmm…'

Shinji grew a massive smirk on his face. Outside the group of five soldiers moved around the outside of the building, their black armour having no identifiable markings on of any kind. They each held a large assault rifle and it was apparent that they each had a small arsenal planted all over their bodies. The leader looked up to a tower a few hundred metres away, then back to the door of the building, he knew that his target was inside, he knew that he just had to kill the poor child and his mission would be complete. It wasn't the type of mission a hardened soldier could ever prepare for, it was barely humane and it certainly didn't follow any sort of chivalry. He would be forced to terminate an unarmed, defenceless child and he would feel bad about it for the rest of his life. Fortunately, the rest of his life, wasn't all that long.

"Commander!"

The soldier's behind were unable to do anything to save their commanding officer as the large metal pike shot out of the wall. It came out through the brick and plaster, moving so fast it passed straight through the Commander's head and out the other side, leaving the more deceased soldier hanging in mid-air, a careful equilibrium between his weight and the wall that held the pike still. The soldiers immediately turned and began firing at the building, hoping that at least one of their bullets passed through and struck their target. After they had emptied their magazines they just stood still, waiting for a sound to be heard, their hearts in their throats as they waited for a similar fate to their Commander. Yet still, nothing happened, there was a complete absence of sound for a moment, then the wall crumbled a little, and while the soldiers studied the wall, one of them suddenly became racked with fear. Because he knew what was coming, he saw that the section of wall before him had be shot in a sort of circle, completely weakening it and allowing any person to jump through, almost unaided. It was not long for his premonition to come true, within a second the wall fell down as Shinji jumped through, smashing the soldier in the face with a metal pole. He was hit with such force that he spun, Shinji grabbed him with one arm and used the now dented metal pole as a spinning pike that knocked one of the other soldiers. With the tingling sensation returning Shinji turned and allowed the sniper bullets to imbed themselves in his human shield before he grabbed the gun from its holster and shot the sniper with the small pistol, a fete that Shinji was pretty sure he never could have accomplished normally. As he turned back to the two remaining soldiers he kept his human shield and shot at the two with the pistol, emptying the magazine into their bodies. After that all the soldiers simply fell to the floor and Shinji was the only one left standing, he looked down at his body and it was covered in a mixture of dust, mud and blood. His eyes had turned the deepest red and his hair was practically pitch-black, he just looked down at his opponents and smirked.

"Don't underestimate me."

This moment of pride was a mistake as a single cowardly soldier appeared from behind some rubble and pointed his gun at Shinji. There was a momentary silence as Shinji saw the soldier and closed his eyes, his hands were empty and the soldier was too far away to hit. It would appear that his own pride had gotten him killed, although that didn't bother him, at least he died fighting on his own, without the Eva. At least he managed to take some of them with him before he died, at least his life had been worth living. As the gun fired he felt time slow, the bullet left the barrel so slowly, Shinji could feel it piercing the air.

'Well, it was a good run, and I did my best.'

Suddenly Shinji felt an overwhelming fear, it was true he did his best, but he wasn't finished, now wasn't his time to die. He had defended his friends and family from angels, big and small, he had saved the world ten times over but he wasn't finished. If he were to die now, what would happen to NERV, would they be able to defend from this new human threat, would Rei be able to survive it. How could Rei defend all of NERV on her own? Maybe they would draft Touji and Kensuke to the defence, maybe they would bring forward conscription, maybe they would do whatever it takes to defend the city from the enemy. Maybe they would lose, maybe soldiers would descend upon NERV and take them all prisoner, taking Misato and Maya, Ritsuko and Rei, all the women and do horrible things to them.

'No, I'm not finished, I haven't fulfilled my promise, I haven't finished protecting them yet, I need to survive, I need to live. I need to fight!'

Shinji's eyes shot open and his face became distorted for an instant by an effect resembling heat haze as he watched the bullet fly towards him and then simply stop. The bullet hovered in mid-air, shaking violently as all its energy was changed into vibration, Shinji focussed on that single bullet as the soldier screamed and began shooting frantically. Each and every bullet warped around Shinji's body as an invisible wall surrounded him, the soldier continued to scream even after his magazine was empty. Shinji then focussed on the soldier, the invisible wall began to glow as a series of octagonal bars appeared slowly moving towards a central point where the bullet was floating. Eventually about six sets of bars had moved to this central point and their combined glow was practically blinding the poor soldier, and there was nothing he could do when Shinji brought his hand up and fired the bullet back with enough speed to pierce the soldier's head and several walls behind him. Shinji then remained still for a moment, contemplating his own existence for a moment, his body and his newfound ability to create this light, the light of his soul.

"Ikari… was that?"

"Yes Professor, it was an Absolute Terror field, Shinji has managed to achieve a level previously unattained by man."

"Is that what you were waiting for?"

"That is what my scenario required."

"Ikari… Shinji?"

Rei looked up in the entry plug of her unit 00, for a single moment the cross hairs of her particle rifle began to jump around randomly. Rei's head lifted and she began to scan the horizon for something, she knew what she had felt but she was unsure what she was searching for, Unit 01 or Shinji. She saw bars of light shooting from the ground to the sky, she saw the bars impact tiny objects and immediately become engulfed in a giant ball of light. Then for a second she felt another hair on her neck stand on end, then almost a pull towards one of the artificial lakes of Tokyo-3. She quickly scanned the surrounding buildings and roads.

Rei? Is everything all right? 

"Wait a moment, Major."

As her eyes scanned the landscape she passed over a small area, the buildings were mostly reduced to rubble, but at the centre there was a single darkened figure, stood like a statue in the centre. Around this single statue were several pools of blood, with broken and deformed bodies, lying at their centre. Rei could make out the red without too much focusing, when she accessed her Eva's ability to zoom she almost jumped out of her skin. As it focused she was sure that the figure in the centre had long grey hair, as it stopped zooming and rested on the face of the figure, the figure's head turned and looked right at her. The face was familiar but different, while the features were in the right place the red eyes and the long grey hair were all wrong.

"Nagisa…"

'Unit 00, eliminate optical data feed to Command centre.'

She stared at the figure for a few moments, watching as the grey hair slowly changed back to the usual brown, and the blue eyes quickly returning to view. Even though several miles of air and several feet of Eva stood between the two, they peered directly into each other's eyes. But while Rei looked she felt a deep pain in her heart, because directly above Shinji there was a glow, but not the type she had hoped, perhaps the sun piercing the clouds, no it was the light of a descending N2 mine.

Rei, stop that missile! 

"Ikari!"

Rei's rifle immediately began firing at the missile, but each shot passed the metal cylinder and it reached the Earth unhindered, hitting Shinji almost directly.

"What the hell is going on? What is Rei doing?"

"Where is unit 00's visual telemetry?"

The two most senior female members' of NERV yelled out in chorus, both focussing their words on the unfortunate technicians before them, who could do nothing but frantically type away on their keyboards and half mutter an answer. The command centre was in chaos, as Unit 00 ceased firing its particle rifles at the targets, although there was little worry about stray missiles, it was more of a question of the pilot's condition. Misato glared in Hyuuga's position, but the young man could do little more than sit there.

"What is she looking at?"

Ritsuko pushed through the chaos of screaming and beeping, directing her voice towards her direct subordinate, the unfortunate Maya Ibuki.

"Extrapolating, judging from Unit 00's position, the MAGI believe it is somewhere in the D-4 sector of the city."

"I thought that was a deserted area?"

"It is, although our sensors in that area were damaged in a previous attack, so…"

"Theoretically an angel could be sat there and we wouldn't know?"

"Affirmative, if it's AT-field was kept on short range, we wouldn't be able to tell it was there."

Maya sat as all the technicians and senior officers stared at her, she began to twitch a little and her face went bright red, so she quickly rotated her chair to put her back to all of them and she typed a few more commands.

"It's due to lack of funding… and… I'm sure there are no angels in area D-4…"

"Calm down, Maya, try whatever you can and find out what is there."

She nodded quietly and began to frantically type, but this was cut short by Hyuuga pushing back from his console slightly.

"There won't be much of anything there… an N-2 mine just passed through the defence net and is set to hit D-4."

"What?"

"Rei, stop that missile!"

Misato jumped further than all the other staff members as she turned up to the throne above the rest of the command centre, to the throne where Gendo stood, both hands on the desk and a tone of genuine concern in his voice. Gendo was quickly answered by the data screen showing a series of blasts directed towards the offending missile, and his breath seemed to catch in his throat as each and every one of them missed. He could do nothing but watch as the missile impacted near his surveillance equipment and the entire area disappeared. Gendo quickly began typing on his small computer, flicking through each of the surveillance cameras that had been planted, but they all showed static. The entire area was gone.

"Ikari…"

Gendo slowly slid onto his seat, his head was held downwards, Fuyutsuki held his hand on his former student's shoulder. It was a strange experience for him, never before had he seen Gendo react so visibly, not since Yui was taken away. Misato looked up at the commander with genuine question, then back up to the main screen, after a few seconds the cogs in her head began to turn.

'The Commander is upset… Rei has fast reflexes, but not that fast, she was already looking at area D-4… What could possibly be there that Rei and the Commander would be concerned about? What would Rei…'

"Doctor Akagi, detecting erratic readings from within Unit 01!"

"Unit 01?"

'Shinji… Shinji… SHINJI!'

Author note : I'm sure giving Gendo some sort of soul is going to get me burned, but hey, he's only human.


	9. Confusion and Despair

Disclaimer : I do not own Evangelion, although like many others I wish I did. I own none of the characters. This is a normal Eva fic, not sure about Eva battles because I am trying to focus on Shinji's torment and hopeful revenge, hehe. Read and Review, I need criticism and I need to know people are reading this garbage. Anyhoo, on with the show!

Right then

'Thought'

"Speech"

"(Actions in speech)"

-

"Ikari!"

The mushroom cloud quickly appeared, spreading upwards slightly skewed by the wind and the force of the various N2 explosions in the sky, although, that being said, the missile barrage was beginning to thin out and less missiles decended from the sky. But then, it was too late, one missile had made it through all the defences, Rei shouldn't have been too bothered, she was safe, the Commander was safe. Unfortunately, there was someone that meant much more to her than either herself or her Commander, that was her friend, her ally, Shinji Ikari. She had watched his head lift in the final seconds, the glow began to engulf him and his head simply rose, taking in the view of the object heading towards him. There wasn't any look of fear, no look of desperate thought, no vain attempts to find shelter, just a simple glance upwards towards his doom. As it quickly approached Shinji he couldn't help but think about the simple elegance of the device, long cylindrical, with large sections of the outer shell torn away by the speeds at which it travelled, not to mention the rip-roaring heat and wind caused by Rei's missed shots. Many times he had seen such objects fly through the air, almost innumerate times in fact, yet as the missile approached he could only remember once where the missile was as scary as it was at that moment. All but one other time the sight of the device failed to even make the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, although he knew that was because every other time he had hundreds of plates of armour and an AT-field between him and the offending weapon. Also, this was the first time the missile was pointing directly at him. Still the missile was now mere metres from his position, he couldn't help but remember the last time he stood in the street and a missile flew over head, he also noticed that he was standing in almost the exact same spot. He looked down at his feet, at the same sneakers and the same black trousers, then back up.

-

"I'll be there to pick you up, Misato… she works for my father?"

Shinji's eyes finally became level with the phone booth he had been stood at for the better part of half an hour, he had heard the sirens and seen the people scatter, but he didn't really know what he could do in such a situation. He certainly didn't want to inconvenience his father's well endowed subordinate by wandering off from his appointed pick-up spot. He looked around the street, up and down, noting the fact that he felt like he had stumbled into a sort of ghost-town, he glanced back at the picture then up at the sky. He stared for a couple of moments, as if staring up there would answer some of the questions that plagued his mind. Although, like many boys his age, he wished that his thoughts lay with the attractive woman coming to pick him up, they were instead of his father, the man who abandoned him. The man who never showed emotion. His mind was unfortunately dragged away from such thoughts by the eerie sound of thunder quickly approaching him. For a second or two he tried to scan the sky for the source of the sound, when he finally found it, it was already in the sky less than twenty metres above his head. It shot past him and along the street, he brought his hands down from his ears and scanned the road once more, this time however, he was not alone. He glanced down the street and saw a figure watching him, a strange solitary figure of a school girl, with short blue hair and pale skin. But he was once again forced to cower as the missile impacted a nearby object, when he finally opened his eyes again, the girl was gone and he heard more terrible thunder. So almost calmly he turned around to address the source of the rhythmic thunder that beat down on the ground less than a mile away. This was the sound of Sachiel, the third angel.

"What the…"

'This isn't my day.'

He then watched as another missile was fired at the behemoth before him, it flew towards it and bounced harmlessly off the creature's surface. The slight glow coming from it's skin before the explosion even erupted was barely noticed the first time, but this second time seeing the moment, Shinji saw the glow of the angel's soul, it's AT-field.

'An AT-field…'

-

"Ikari… Shinji…?"

Evangelion unit 00 had positioned itself at the edge of the crater that once called itself area D-4, looking down the monster got a full view of the city below, far far below. Looking up at the thick layer of ground between her position and the complex below, she noted the fact that exploding angels merely dented the armour, going only a few dozen metres down. Yet this single explosion, this single non-nuclear blast managed to cut straight through the armour, straight down into the Geofront itself, leaving the scarring fires to deal with the already dying vegetation. The ground gave way a little, forcing the giant creature to take a step back, but it still managed to watch the debris fall the hundreds of metres to the land below. It seemed to take forever to land, the rocks, they split and collided as they fell before they finally echoed a crash on the ground below, sending shockwaves as far as Central Dogma. From within the entry-plug the silent soldier, Rei Ayanami watched. Waited, waiting for a sign of life from her comrade, her friend Shinji Ikari. But that was not to be, she knew it was a fool's hope yet still she remained, her closed emotions beginning to seep through her barriers until she was on the brink of crying.

-

"Where… where is Shinji?"

The all-but distraught Commander of Operations asked her staff quietly, it was already obvious that only one man knew of Shinji's whereabouts, the one man you never asked a question without some fear or dread. But staring up at his throne, suddenly he didn't appear so invincible anymore, he wasn't all-knowing or all-powerful, he was alone. He was slouching in his chair, although she couldn't be sure, the distraught major was sure that he was shaking. This thought was compounded by the look on the sub-commander's face, he was terrified by the actions of the commander, whatever was happening, Commander Ikari was truly upset. Misato quickly turned around and looked at the techs.

"I want to know the location of the third child, NOW!"

"Ma'am!"

The techs quickly began their buzzing and flying around the control centre, contacting intelligence and anyone else who might be able to find the third child.

-

'So… warm…'

'Very warm…'

"HOT! HOT!"

Shinji opened his eyes and saw that around him was clouds and blue sky, that and several lines of smoke coming from his smouldering clothes. He quickly removed his jacket and threw it away, looking around and checking that he wasn't on fire from anywhere else. Once totally satisfied with the situation of his combustion, he turned his attention to his surroundings. Clouds. Sky. Dust. Smoke. Tokyo-3.

'Hmmm, never seen Tokyo 3 from this angle before.'

"ARGH!"

Shinji quickly flipped in mid-air, suddenly feeling the air around him pushing him upwards, or at least, it felt like it was pushing him upwards. It didn't take him long to realise that he was falling, falling quickly.

'Okay Ikari, what have you gotten yourself into _this_ time.'

Feeling a strange calm, Shinji flipped himself and began falling back first. He arranged himself into a seated position with his legs crossed. He figured at the height he was at, he would have at least a minute or so before things got interesting.

'So why am I this high?'

"I was blown up."

'What was I blown up by?'

"An N2 mine."

'How did I survive?'

"Better question, how did I not get shot?"

'Erm… I don't know… Luck?'

"I'm not that lucky, it must have been something else…"

'AT-field?'

"Nah… angel's have AT fields, not humans! I couldn't create an AT field even if I wanted to…"

'Debris!'

"What? AH!"

Shinji spotted a large piece of debris heading towards him, obviously launched higher than him but more streamlined so it was falling much faster. He tried to move but lost his balance, in the final seconds he held out his hand and waited. He waited for that moment when his body would shatter, waiting. Waiting. He was getting pretty bored of waiting when he opened his eyes, but was confused when the debris was floating before him several inches away, on the other side of an octagonal field.

"Hmmmm…"

-

Rei

"…"

Rei are you receiving? 

"…Ikari…"

Rei, answer me! 

"Shinji…"

REI! 

Rei jumped in her seat, all around her the city defences began to shut down, the N2 mines had stopped falling from the sky but she still couldn't feel at ease. Because she had seen it, she had seen Shinji go up in a spectacular glow of light and now, all that remained was the crater. She watched the tears float through the LCL, but not mixing with it, she continued to ignore the orders flying through the radio. She felt so many emotions that she couldn't understand how to react to them, but there was one. A single flame of passion in the back of her mind, the type that made her want to hit out and destroy those that had taken away her friend, her Shinji. Before she knew what was happening she saw a small cloud of red out of the corner of her right eye. When she turned she saw her own arm outstretched against the side of the plug and small streams of red were pouring through the tears in the glove section. It took her a moment to understand the relief this gave her and in her mind she remembered the times people had slammed tables, punched walls, destroyed rocks and attacked military commanders because of this emotion. With out warning her eyes went forward and a flurry of particle cannon blasts cut through the air over the unfamiliar sounds of Rei screaming in her entry plug. By the time she finished Unit 00 was on the floor, head against the ground and the particle cannon was an arm's length (20 or so metres) away. Several small buildings crumbled as Unit 00 beat against the ground.

-

"Get me readings on Unit 00's mental status…"

"Don't bother, it's just Rei…"

Ritsuko was stood, her order was only half uttered, as if just a precaution but Misato's sombre counter stopped Maya in her tracks. No one blamed the young girl, they were surprised by the outburst but they understood it, but really when the Commander was reduced to a huddled mess, was the First Child's sorrow really so surprising? Misato slowly moved over to Maya and Ritsuko slowly followed, while they grouped together there were several small whispers heard by the male techs.

"What is Unit 01's status?"

"It went crazy a few moments ago then very calm, we're detecting a steadily increasing synchronization. I can't confirm the source."

"Does that mean…?"

"It could do Major, but I don't understand how he could have survived."

-

"Okay 'Invincible Shinji', let's prove everyone right…"

'At the speed I'm going I'll be at the surface in 10 seconds, then another 10 until I hit the bottom of the Geofront.'

Shinji was now falling feet first, with his arms up using the remains of his shirt to slow him down as he descended. His brown hair bellowed in the air and his yellow eyes focused solely on the goal. He continued to descend and caught a single image out of the corner of his eye, he had already seen Rei convulsing on the ground and managed to avoid the barrage of particle blasts, this was something different. On the horizon three figures stood, shrouded in capes the Evangelion sized creatures were undoubtedly enemies. But he lost sight of them as he passed the armour layers.

-

"M…m…m…Major?"

"What is it Hyuuga?"

"Ma'am, detecting three angel sized objects moving into Tokyo-3 from the West, they're approach was masked by the N2 barrage."

"Angels?"

With a few very quick clicks from Maya, the cutest tech turned to the Major with fear.

"Magi give a 99.9 chance that the three are in fact Evas…"

"Evas?"

"Yes Ma'am, we aren't receiving serial telemetry but we are certainly reading human type blood."

"Tell Rei to…"

Before Misato could finish her order there was a loud bang, everyone turned to see the Commander's chair several feet behind, his hands slammed on the table and his face the most serious they had ever seen.

"REI! You are to destroy those three targets by any means necessary!"

Yes… Commander. 

The members of the Commander staff were not sure which was scarier, the Commander's over animated hatred of the targets, or Rei's cool, collected response to the order. While they were used to simple unquestioning loyalty, this Rei was more like a cold-blooded killer out for her next meal. The rest of the staff turned to the screen as Fuyutsuki placed his hand on Gendo's shoulder.

"Is that wise… the committee…"

The sub-commander was cut off entirely when Gendo's head tilted and a single red eye appeared from behind the tinted sunglasses.

"Ikari…?"

-

"OW! GODDAMMIT!"

Shinji lay on his back, a few bruises and cuts had accumulated on his body as he rolled down the side of the crater within the Geofront, his speed as he hit the ground, although greatly reduced due to his AT field, was still not enough to let him land perfectly. He quickly noted that he should be a lot more hurt after such a fall, but he chalked that up to his subconscious AT field kicking in. He couldn't lie there for long, he sensed the approaching enemy and he couldn't let Rei do it alone.

"I may not be a knight in shining armour… but I am a warrior… I protect."

With that he was gone, half limping up the crater towards the pyramid that was Central Dogma, his steps were like a series of long jumps as he launched himself towards his sword, his eva.

-

Unit 00 reacquired the particle rifle from the ground, it was fully charged. She pointed it at the centre of the three figures. With a merciless click the rifle fired a beam directly at the first Eva. Unfortunately with a single flash the blast deflected off three combined AT fields, and away into the distance. The cloak was blown off the first Eva, revealing the deep brown armour underneath. It steps forwards with no long range weapons but does seem to wield a large progressive sword. The other two Evas stand well back, they stand perfectly still, unflinching they too have no visible long range weapons. Normally the anxiety of the situation would have Rei breathing heavily and focussing on the enemy ahead with the correct proportions of bravery and fear, as to not damage the Eva. But in this case she was focused purely on the enemy ahead, her heart and breathing synchronised with the pulsating of LCL around the Eva. The enemy was ready to attack, Rei was ready to counter.

-

"Rei's just broken all of her synchronisation records."

"Holy…"

"Rei, destroy the enemy! Stop at nothing until they are totally destroyed!"

Yes… Sir… 

Unit 00 was off with a start, dropping the rifle and leaping into the air with an extra boost from its AT field, the evangelion cleared the crater and landed in a sprint. Shinji had glanced up to see the colossus jumping the hole, as he saw it he increased his pace towards terminal dogma. Rei continued running towards the enemy, tower blocks crumbled as she ran, her approach to the first eva provoked little response. She saw a single hand gesture to the remaining, still shrouded units, and they stopped in place. With the progressive sword held in position the first eva made its advance on Unit 00, the sword held down to resemble 5 o'clock from Rei's perspective. Assuming the Eva would bring the blade over it's left shoulder and perform a downward slice, Rei brought Unit 00's progressive knife out and held it out before her. As she got within range of the Eva the sword came down, Rei dived into a roll to the left, avoiding the blade that then buried itself into the floor. Coming out of the roll, Rei launched the knife at the enemy, taking off a large chunk of the Eva's left arm armour and some flesh. Rei watched as the panel reading 'Unit 06' hit the floor, her adversary removed its sword from the ground and took a similar stance to before, facing Unit 00. Rei brought up her second progressive knife holding it out before her she watched as the head of Unit 06 moved towards the other two Evas and in the command centre the command staff saw a small flashing.

"They're using laser communications!"

They're coming. 

-

Shinji's jumping had quickly given way to hobbling, before he could move around the walls of central dogma and get to an entrance he had collapsed. He lay on the floor, he sat for a several seconds with his back to the wall before he brought his fist up. With an almighty yell he brought his fist back into the wall, punching a small hole in it. He rolled over onto his knees, hands either side of the hole and he felt the pain surge from his right knee to his hip. But his red eyes quickly shifted back into yellow as he stared into the building. He knew he could sense Unit 01, he knew his mother was down there, waiting for him.

"Mother, mother I need you…"

-

"What's Rei's status?"

"She's doing well all things considering, but the three enemy evas have surrounded her! The one we recognise as Unit 06 is still engaging her while the other two watch, we have detected some movement in the second cloaked unit, but we are still unsure about its identity."

Maya looked back to Misato and Ritsuko, in turn they then looked up to the commander, he had both palms on the desk and seemed to be focussing on the screen with a fierce fervour. There was a large snapping sound, the crew saw several items leave the table and Fuyutsuki looking incredibly shocked. Gendo removed his red raw hands from the table and looked at the screen once more.

"Rei, engage all targets."

Sir… 

Misato and Ritsuko then turned to Maya, leaning over her shoulder they then watch the screen before her.

"Maya, any more readings from Unit 01?"

"Ma'am, just a steady increase until not too long ago, then a small spike. I believe Shinji is still alive but…"

"Can I ask you ladies what is so interesting at Lt. Ibuki's station?"

The women all jumped and looked up at the Commander, he was glaring down at them with the corner of his eye, his face and body still facing the central view screen. After a few shocked seconds Misato began to stutter…

"It's just telemetry of…"

"Well?"

Before any of the women could answer there was a large beeping sound, a shocked Maya turned and looked at the screen with a squeal. Before she could gain her senses she began to relay the otherwise secret information to the entire room.

"Unit 01's synchronisation has just spiked! It's still increasing, past borderline into activation mode! In fact, it's still going! And we're detecting movement from the Eva itself!"

"What?"

Misato, Ritsuko, Fuyutsuki and Gendo all yelled at once.

-

Evangelion Unit 01 broke free of all its restraints, its arms pushed the umbilical bridge back and it tore through the other restraints. It began to wade through the liquid before climbing out of the liquid it was stored in, it then burst through a wall to ascend from the depths of Central dogma. Its mouth hung open slightly as it, almost carefully, climbed through the various tunnels and corridors it created.

-

While the Geofront marvelled, Rei was on her own. The enemy Eva had gained the upper hand, fighting with increased skill and precision than before, she had already lost her second progressive knife and had sustained some minor armour damage. It became immediately obvious that Rei, even with her increased focus, was no match for this adversary. In a momentary last ditch effort she ran at her enemy, only to be picked up and flipped onto her back. She lay on the floor for a moment before the progressive sword pinned her shoulder to the floor. She squealed in pain and watched as the enemy towered over her, for a few brief moments she seemed to just float in the LCL of the entry plug. She just lay there, the blood slowly pouring from her shoulder, she wanted to move, to fight but she just seemed to lose all feeling in her body.

'I must be dying… which is fine… I cannot live without Ikari…'

She watched the monstrosity lurch over her but in a final moment she watched Unit 06 turn to one of its colleagues and a single radio transmission was heard.

Leave her, she's mine. 

-

Misato tried her hardest to focus, she had people shouting on all sides, not to mention Rei pinned and Unit 01 moving on its own. Unit 01 appeared to take a detour to the armoury and picked up an experimental Anti-AT Buster Sword, a sword much bigger than a typical progressive blade. It then made its way to the surface and tore through the outer edge of the pyramid. She pulled her eyes from the internal warnings to the battle above only to see something she wished she hadn't. Rei was down and Unit 06 moved away, the second Eva unit moved towards Rei, still shrouded and stood above her. It hovered for a few seconds above Unit 00, its movements indicating that it was taking in the eva's situation, enjoying the pain it felt. After a few moments, a bright red arm moved out and grabbed the hilt of the progressive sword, holding it up in the air, Unit 00 dangling from its wound. With a free arm the shroud was removed and the bright red monster known as Unit 02 stood facing the blue and white unit 00.

Now wondergirl, it's time for you to disappear… 

"Pilot Soryu… wait… why…?"

Asuka! 

Quiet Misato! I don't have time for you. 

Wait Asuka, why are you doing this? What… 

Rei was beginning to lose consciousness, the flesh in the Eva's shoulder was tearing each second she remained suspended. Things began going black and she knew she was going to die.

'Goodbye… Shinji…'

'Where are you going?'

"Shinji?"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Author note : I am so crap, it has taken me god knows how long to keep this going! It started so well with a chapter every few days, then weeks, then months! As it stands its about 18 months from when I started, I now know for certain where the story is going and even have plans for sequels. I just need to finish this! I'm pretty sure it'll be done within another 2 chapters and as I'm in university exam period (for Physics… groan…) I'll be searching for anything to distract me! So watch this space!

Waya


	10. Hate

Disclaimer : I do not own Evangelion, although like many others I wish I did. I own none of the characters. This is a normal Eva fic, not sure about Eva battles because I am trying to focus on Shinji's torment and hopeful revenge, hehe. Addition (18 months after starting) screw that last bit, this whole chapter is an eva battle! WHOO! Read and Review, I need criticism and I need to know people are reading this garbage. Anyhoo, on with the show!

Right then

'Thought'

"Speech"

"(Actions in speech)"

Radio 

Quick note : Some people have mentioned confusion between who is speaking when, I know myself it's not very clear… however, in most cases it is implied by what they say and how they say it. If it isn't clear, and especially if it's a generic line that any of the characters could say then I leave it up to your imagination. E.g. if we're in the command centre and someone yells "Oh my god!" or "Detecting high energy emissions" it could be any of the techs, it's up to you who says it, while "Give me a report!" will be more likely Misato although there may be something in the bulk text indicating its more likely Ritsuko, either way lines like that rarely have massive impact on the story anyway!

-

'It can't be working… can it?'

"HOLY CRAP!"

Shinji had already moved into the trees around terminal dogma when he began to feel the ground shake beneath him. He pondered how strange it was, he was in the outside world but at the same time he was inside the eva, looking through the Eva's eyes and feeling with the Eva's hand. His sudden profanities came as the purple colossus tore through the exterior wall of terminal dogma, launching itself into the air. Shinji couldn't help but admire how the eva looked from the outside when it was moving, although at the same time he couldn't believe the size of the sword he picked up. The massive piece of metal was attached to the back of the shoulder restraints on the Eva's right side, he recalled the image in his head as he climbed, a schematic view of Nerv beyond the walls he smashed through. Then suddenly a flashing light selected the sword just to his right and there it was, figuring 'why not?' he picked up the sword and continued the ascent. Shinji looked up at the eva, and somehow the Eva looked back down at him, it was very strange, then without a moments notice the eva dropped to one knee and held out its arm to Shinji.

"Why thank you."

Climbing onto the oversized appendage he sprinted up to the entry plug and leaped inside, he immediately closed and sealed the plug, allowing it to fill with LCL. He didn't have any time to lose, he needed to get to Rei, that was when he heard her voice.

'I'm… going to die…'

"Rei…"

Shinji then focused all of his energy downwards, everything he had, all the muscles in the Eva's legs and all the force in their combined AT fields. Then in spectacular leap Shinji beat every high-jump record set… ever… Unit 01 took to the sky with a perfect arc to make it through the hole in the geofront. As he got closer the radios blurred into existence but he could only hear Rei's voice in his head. She was in pain, he had to save her… as he began to pass through the armour layers he leaped against the rim to accelerate himself. Then just before he got into view he heard Rei's final message.

'Good bye, Shinji.'

'Where are you going?'

Shinji uttered as Unit 01 passed over the top of the armour layers, landing shallowly on the surface of the geofront and sliding several hundred metres on one knee. As Shinji stopped he raised the Eva's head, thinking he had made a heroic entrance, then he would simply do away with the enemy and everyone could just go home. Things were not as he had hoped.

Shinji! 

Unit 01 stopped moving, across from him was quite possibly his worst nightmare, the blue and white unit 00 was being held in the air by a sword in the red unit 02's hand. Shinji didn't have to be an eva expert to know that Asuka was the only one who could synchronise with unit 02, he just knew as soon as he saw the scene that Asuka was killing Rei. As he stared a little longer he realised that he had missed the radios as he jumped, he was so focussed on Rei that he missed Misato pleading with Asuka. Shinji seemed to stand, totally immobile, it didn't make sense to him, Asuka had left, why would she be piloting Eva and why would she be hurting Rei?

"A…Asuka…?"

Unit 00 began to lower, once its feet touched the floor the rest of the body just slid off the sword into a heap on the floor. Asuka brought the sword back down towards her side, but unit 02's head was turned away from unit 01. Something meant that she couldn't look Shinji in the eye, even if there was layers of circuitry in-between. The two accompanying Evas were off to one side, they didn't seem to be moving either, they had obviously both heard stories of the infamous third child. Bringing up the energy and courage to speak, Shinji tried to understand the situation he was in and what was truly going on.

"Asuka… why are you here? Why are you hurting Rei?"

… 

"Asuka… please answer me."

… 

"Please Asuka, tell me what is wrong… don't you love me anymore? I love you still…"

You never loved me. 

There was definite spite laced within Asuka's speech, Shinji was unsure how to react, even at the height of her hate Shinji campaigns she never managed to sound _that_ hate filled. All other radio channels had gone silent, Misato and the Command crew obviously happy that Shinji was alive but they had also realised he may have a better chance to get through to Asuka. At the same time they had missed the Commander sliding to the floor, Fuyutsuki helping him regain balance but at the same time noticing the tears that appeared from beneath his tinted glasses.

"Asuka… I did… I told you my heart… I've always loved you…"

YOU LIAR 

Everyone was taken back by the argument, emotions were raging on every level imaginable, people feeling sorry for Shinji putting his heart on the line but also wondering why Asuka was so upset… and after all that still anxious about the fact that Asuka had turned on them. Although the one feeling the most confused was Rei, the pain in her shoulder was subsiding as the circuits began to cut off within the eva but this was quickly replaced by another pain, one in her heart.

"Why would I lie?"

Where were you when I called you last week? 

'Bollocks'

Shinji went silent, he got the impression that Asuka's pain went far deeper than him being busy when she rang, added to the fact that she had no way of knowing he was at Rei's. Of course the pain of guilt he felt was unfounded, what happened with Rei was nothing sexual, it was simply helping a friend, whether or not Asuka would see it as such was the problem. After a few seconds of silence Shinji spoke.

"I… I was helping Rei, she was ill…"

At 3 in the morning? They were right about you! Right about all of you! 

"They…? Asuka who are they?"

Shinji had little time to think about what Asuka had said, as the sword she wielded spun and was left hanging over the crumpled form of Unit 00. He watched as Unit 02 gripped the sword with both hands and lifted the sword, ready to plunge it into the chest of Unit 00.

"Asuka! No don't Asuka!"

With a slight tilt of its head in Shinji's direction, Unit 02 brought the sword down with incredible speed, in the Command Centre, Maya closed her eyes as the other staff stared at the screen with dread. They watched as the sword came into contact with Unit 00 and pierced the outer armour, tearing it away like there was nothing there. Rei screamed, a sound that filled Asuka's heart with a sickening joy that she herself wished she didn't feel. Rei felt the tearing on the front of her chest, this time she knew she wouldn't survive, that was until the tearing stopped. Asuka felt the sword twist in her hands, something was forcing it to the side, not only that but the blade itself was bending. Within a second the blade had shattered, sending shards of metal flying through the shroud of the last Eva, revealing its green armour.

"What?"

Asuka's head turned to the right and she could just make out Unit 01 with her Eva's peripheral vision, once Unit 02's head had moved around she saw Unit 01 holding out its arm. The arm dropped to its side then it began moving towards the three Evas, each step crushed all the buildings around it.

I'll save you Asuka… From whatever is causing you so much pain… I'll protect Rei and I'll protect you… Just let me… 

The screen that appeared in the place of Unit 01's head showed the video link between Unit 01 and Unit 02, Shinji's head was down and as he walked closer to Asuka it raised showing grey hair and blood red eyes. Asuka stared at it for a moment before she grabbed her head and began screaming.

"NO! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER! NO! KEEP AWAY!"

Unit 02 then grabbed its own progressive lance, she opened it up and began to charge at Unit 01. As she did she watched the massive sword on Unit 01's shoulder swing down, the entire shoulder bracket spun so the blade was facing the ground. There was a hiss and a pop as the restraints released the blade and it felt smoothly into Unit 01's hand, holding out the massive device to the side, the purple goliath continued its steady approach. Asuka screamed as she ran into Unit 01, the lance gliding off the surface of the sword and Shinji simply tossed her aside, using her own momentum to trip her. With the sword held out beside it, Unit 01 began its approach on Rei, Unit 06 quickly approached Shinji while the still slightly shrouded Unit 07 ran towards Rei. Both Units pulled out progressive knives, as Unit 07 slid on its knees towards Rei, ready to end her unit 01 jumped. Unit one took a massive sprinting step, getting past unit 06 before the Eva had a chance to react, then Shinji used the sword to take a large slice at Unit 07. Rei looked up at the Eva overhead ready to tear her apart with its knife then watched as it simply disappeared in an instant as the sword collided with it.

Rei… are… you okay? 

"Yes Shinji… I'm fine…"

I'm going to get you out of this. 

Unit 01 slowly turned to face its enemies, the three Evas were scattered about the battlefield, scrambling to get their weapons they seemed to be petrified of the purple monster wielding the massively oversized sword. None of the enemies had been damaged yet, beyond the armour torn by Unit 00's progressive knife on Unit 06. Shinji could see that the three Evas were communicating through lasers, it would be impossible to intercept and translate so he waited, he didn't want to kill the pilots, more than that, he didn't even want to hurt them. He waited for them to begin their attack, he also knew he was far stronger than Asuka, so hopefully, stronger than the other two as well, as he waited he heard the radios crackle but it wasn't the voice he expected talking to him.

Shinji? 

"F… Father?"

Are you hurt Shinji? 

"N… No… I'm fine…"

Shinji, we have much to talk about… 

"Father don't take this the wrong way… but did you hurt your head?"

Heh heh, no son… I just know you are ready… 

"Ready for what?"

The truth, but for now… for now you must eliminate your enemies, they are following the orders of my superiors, they want us all dead, if they get past you… they will use Asuka to end all of mankind. 

Stop lying you sick bastard, we are going to stop you from harming others like you harmed me! 

"Asuka?"

In the Command Centre all heads focussed on Gendo, they had already turned that way at the heart felt conversation between father and son, but they were wondering what Asuka meant by 'harmed her'. Misato knew the tone that Asuka had used, it was the same tone she had in her voice when the angel had attacked her mind, if Gendo had harmed her it was more than just emotionally. Gendo looked at the screen for a moment, there was a tone of confusion on the other side of the tinted glasses, it was obvious to all present, that he honestly had no idea what Asuka was talking about. After a few seconds Fuyutsuki whispered something in his ear and he answered equally quietly, they both frowned, Gendo's head lowered then raised again.

So you remember then? 

Even through the radios everyone could tell that Gendo was back to his normal stoic self, the single drive individual that would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. Everyone outside the command centre began to feel a sharp stinging in their hearts, was Asuka telling the truth? How far had he gone? All waited for Asuka's response, in the entry plug of Unit 02, Asuka began to feel tears forming in her eyes.

"Remember? Remember how you inspected your precious Second Child! Inspected inside and out! You thought I wouldn't remember! You thought I would blank it out! But I remember you bastard! And I'm going to get you back by killing your precious First and Second Children!"

Asuka pushed past her two allies, heading towards Unit 01 and Unit 00, the two Evas stepped forwards to try and stop her but they were two slow.

Unit 02 stop! 

Shinji watched as Asuka approached, her lance held out ready to impale Unit 01 and then hack at Unit 00, he on the other hand was totally overloaded. He had managed to become totally calm and collected when he was faced with Asuka attempting to hurt Rei. That was an easy choice, remove Asuka from Unit 02, get her whatever help she needed and live as before. Now he didn't know what to think, his father showed him affection, but at the same time had his father sexually abused Asuka as a child? Would his father even stoop that low? The confusion was too much, the total control he had over his emotions slipped as his hair slid back into a deep brown, he didn't know what to think. Although he wasn't given much time to come to his own conclusions, the lance cut through Unit 01's shoulder, pushing him back. The pain snapped him out of his trance, he faced Asuka, pulling the lance into him so the vibrating section of the lance was out of his flesh. He knew Asuka needed the lance, so as long as he held on he would be able to hold her in place, he dropped the anti-AT sword to the ground and held the lance (somewhat painfully) with both hands. He looked down at the ground, seeing that there were three colossal energy cables heading into the distance he knew that there must be some support vehicles. He also knew that he could sever the cables, it would still leave him with three enemies with five minutes power the knowledge that they needed to use the five minutes to do as much damage as possible. Or worse yet, retreat to return another day. For the time being he had to convince them to stop, or stop them himself.

"Asuka, snap out of it! I'm sure my father wouldn't have gone that far!"

Shut up! You are as bad as he is! You would have done the same if I hadn't have stopped you! 

'No! Stop I'm on!'

"Asuka… did you think I would have…"

Of course you would, you men are all the same! Especially Ikaris! 

"Asuka I would never have done that to you! I loved you!"

I've never experienced love… I don't know what it's like to love or be loved! All because of you! 

Unit 02 began to force Unit 01 back, Unit 01's right leg went back to stabilise itself but the leg quickly began to bend at the knee, Shinji feeling his Eva leaning backwards was left not knowing what to do. He pushed back at Asuka noticing that behind him was Unit 00, not only was Asuka impaling him, she was trying to impale Rei at the same time. As Shinji's hair decreased in colour, quickly slipping into black an internal struggle began.

-

'Hmmm… see what happens when you love someone… it just causes more pain.'

The current Shinji turned to face what appeared to be himself from almost a year ago, stood wearing the school uniform, his hair short and brown, his muscles non-existent and his demeanour, passive.

'But without love, what is there to life?'

'No pain.'

'I would rather live in a world with pain and love, that one with nothing at all!'

'I hate to tell you this dude, but… you're not getting anywhere…'

Beside Shinji was now another version of himself, this one dressed similarly to Toji, hair short and stood quite broad. Shinji was unsure of what form this was, he was sure it was the Shinji he wanted to be, the one he wanted to be when he became friends with Toji, seeing how cool Toji was, never flinching, never scared.

'Pain is necessary growth, just because I'm feeling pain now, doesn't mean it will always be there.'

'Well take it from me, I'm pretty sure you know what's causing your pain now.'

'Of course, it's Asuka… not much I can do about that…'

'My suggestion… would be to eliminate her…'

This voice was chilling, from beyond the Toji-alike there was another Shinji, this one had bright red eyes and was draped totally in black. It slinked towards Shinji and draped itself over him, exposing its almost skeletal arms to Shinji, whispering in his ear.

'It would be so easy with… our strength…'

'I hate to agree with him… but maybe it is necessary…'

In front of Shinji was a blue haired, red eyed Shinji, obviously being the Shinji that loved Rei, the one that wanted to protect Rei.

'I want to protect Rei, I will protect Rei, but I will do it my way! Without destroying Asuka…'

'Why? Because you love her?'

Now Shinji was faced with what appeared to be a mirror image of himself.

'Who are you?'

'The you that wants to love Asuka… but you only want to… while the others are so clear cut… I'm variable… like you.'

'Variable'

'You love and hate her, or at least you think you do. You see Asuka has always needed someone, you know that… that's why you love her.'

'Just to be there for her?'

'Yes… admittedly she is hot… but you don't love her, you just hoped you could be there for her and eventually change her. That's why _he_ exists, because you knew you could change her but she would never let you.'

'Don't listen to him! He's trying to stop you doing what is necessary! Do you want to be baka hentai forever?'

'Wait… all those times… it was you making me angry…'

Shinji gripped the skeletal arm and threw the owner over towards the other Shinjis that stood in a line. The black Shinji with his red eyes, while the other Shinjis happily bunched together they actively avoided this one.

'You! You have been there from the start! Trying to make me hurt her! But I resisted you, I became friends with her and I got close to her, I haven't been so angry in so long because you lost your strength!'

'No! No! I am you! I'm what you want!'

'I want them… the others, I want my love for Rei, my feelings for Asuka, my past, my present, the me I want to be in the eyes of others, they are what and who I want to be. I have no room in my heart for hate.'

With that the remaining Shinjis began to fade, leaving the single darkened figure alone, from within its blackened shroud it pulled out a long black sword. Running towards Shinji he found the anti-AT sword in his hand, slicing the hate in half he suddenly felt a lifting feeling. The black shroud disappeared and in its place was him, black haired and red eyed, but him none the less. Shinji looked and held out his free hand.

'I have no place for hate, anger… anger is necessary but not hate…'

The other Shinji smirked before their hands met and they shared a hand shake. The second Shinji merging with the first, becoming a single, brown hair, blue eyed Shinji Ikari.

-

"You're right Asuka… I don't love you."

What? 

"I don't… but I care about you… I want to protect you and be there for you… but I won't let you hurt the one who loves me!'

DIE BAKA! 

Unit 01 began moving forwards, straightening up while still holding the lance in place, then with a turn he picked unit 02 off the ground. Once Asuka was in the air he quickly spun, sending the Eva flying through the air, he removed the lance from his shoulder and proceeded to snap it in two. The other Evas began to advance towards him, he picked up the anti-AT sword, facing them he held out his hand.

"I'm giving you this chance to surrender, deactivate your Evas and eject the entry plugs."

The enemy continued their advance, Shinji sighed and pulled the trigger on his right hand handset. Outside the massive anti-AT sword opened, inside there were two S2 like plates in the centre, they glowed slightly engulfing the sword in a red plasma. This did not phase the incoming Evas, they continued their approach and with a single glance to check on Asuka's location Shinji jumped into the air. He spun the sword around his head then sliced straight down, his aim was perfect, he sliced through Unit 06's progressive knife, through the Eva's shoulder and totally removed its arm. Although he was convinced the enemy pilot would be in pain, it would not be enough for him to die. He then blocked an attack from unit 07, the progressive blade it wielded coming into contact with the broadside of the massive sword. After several seconds of pushing the opposing blade shattered and the enemy Eva dived head first into Unit 01, Shinji's hand reached out and grabbed it by the head. He knew this would not be pleasant for the pilot.

"Eject the plug or I crush your head."

There was no reply, just some frantic flailing, it managed to cut through some of Unit 01's leg armour with the remains of the progressive sword, but without the vibrations it barely caused any damage. Shinji closed his hand slightly, causing the outer head case to crack, he could see and feel the flailing increasing and as the outer armour totally shattered the Eva went silent. He watched the back open and he saw the entry plug eject, he dropped the Eva to the ground and carefully removed the entry plug. Turning he removed the Entry plug from unit 06, noticing the destruction and spray of blood, he figured that unit 06 must have been rolling around in pain before finally giving up and ejecting the plug. He held both plugs in his free hand, he moved next to unit 00, Rei was stood atop the crumpled form of her eva, waving to him. He placed the two entry plugs down next to unit 00, making sure the hatches were both facing the ground, he didn't want them escaping or hurting Rei. All this time he had seemingly forgotten Asuka, that was until the scream came over the radios.

Shinji watch out! 

Shinji knew what was coming however, he quickly turned and held the sword facing the ground. The energy beam hit the sword and deflected into the sky, once it finished he moved towards Unit 02, stood on the other side of the crater it was holding Rei's rifle. It was not drawing external power anymore but at the very least it had a full battery left, he also noticed that Asuka would be especially frantic as she had disconnected her own external power. He ran towards the crater, slicing in such a way that blocked all of the energy blasts, he reached the crater and took into the sky. Asuka followed him all the way up, the blasts arcing into the distance and as the final shot warning appeared on the screen he altered her aim.

I'm dead anyway, I might as well cause you as much pain as possible. 

"Oh Asuka…"

-

Author note : Only one or two chapters now, I know some of you are probably happy I updated so quickly. I definitely want some comments about this chapter, although the bit with Asuka and Gendo was planned from the beginning, Shinji's inner battle was added 'on the fly'. Tell me whether or not you liked it, because I'm not too sure myself. Am open to CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Anyway, hope to have next chapter up soon.


	11. Revelation

Disclaimer : I do not own Evangelion, although like many others I wish I did. I own none of the characters. This is a normal Eva fic, not sure about Eva battles because I am trying to focus on Shinji's torment and hopeful revenge, hehe. Read and Review, I need criticism and I need to know people are reading this garbage. Anyhoo, on with the show!

Right then

'Thought'

"Speech"

"(Actions in speech)"

Radio 

-

(4:05pm)

"Sir, Shinji Ikari is here to see you."

"Yes send him in."

The agent moved away from the door as a still moist (with LCL) Shinji entered the doorway, his hair black as night and his focus on the man in the corner. He slowly walked across the great tree of life painted on the floor, Gendo looked up at his old teacher and with a nod the elder man began to make his way towards the door. As Fuyutsuki and Shinji passed there was an exchange of glances but Shinji was focused on his goal, there were no greetings or acknowledgements, only one man passing another. As Shinji approached the table, Gendo stood and moved towards the window, looking out over the Geofront. Shinji noticed this, and in a move he thought would be of great spite to his would-be father, he sat in his chair, spun it around and placed both feet on the desk. With a smirk he addressed his father.

"Yes Father, you wished to see me?"

After a few moments, Gendo's hands began to fidget behind his back, although he was still facing out of the window.

"You did well today Shinji… I'm glad you made it back…"

"Why? Would you're precious scenario be ruined if I died?"

"Sigh… you still don't understand do you?"

"Understand what, might I ask?"

"That you _are_ my scenario."

Gendo turned to Shinji, he had brought one hand up to his eyes and brought his tinted glasses down from his face. Shinji sat in utter shock as his father looked back at him with bright blue eyes.

-

(3:35pm)

"I'm dead anyway, I might as well cause you as much pain as possible."

Oh Asuka…

Asuka pulled the trigger on the rifle, she wanted to cause Shinji and ultimately Gendo, as much pain as possible before Shinji killed her, as she knew he would. She watched as the finger on Unit 02 pulled the massive switch on the positron rifle, the beam leaving the rifle and causing a blinding flash that she knew would kill her target. Before her vision had returned she felt her Eva receive a massive blow to the head and soon after she passed out.

-

(3:59pm)

Above ground the remains of the various Eva's were recovered, Asuka's unit 02 retrieved on the whole in one piece, although it still badly damaged, missing a large amount of armour and flesh. The collection crews moving the spent particle rifle from its final resting place after Unit 01 finally unarmed the enemy.

-

(Unknown, assumed to be several years ago)

Wherever it was, it was dark. She didn't like it. As the girl sat on the bed in her hospital gown she surveyed what she could see of the room, she was a big girl, so she wasn't afraid of the dark. Although slight movements in the curtains and hanging lab coats were putting her slightly on edge, hopefully this was the last time she would have to be here. Even though her mama wasn't around anymore, she was a big girl and a pilot, an elite! She could handle big scary rooms on her own. That was when the door opened. With a small squeal and a shudder, she watched as two figures entered the room, one taller than the other although both hidden by the dark. She could only see a small reflection in the glasses of the short man, who proceeded to approach her. She addressed him and asked what she was there for but soon she didn't care anymore, she felt only fear and pain. She wondered what was happening, she could only see the taller man to one side, attempting to ignore the scene before him, why wasn't he helping her? She felt like screaming but she couldn't, she felt like crying but she wouldn't, she just let him finish what he was doing to her and soon it would all be over.

-

(4:10pm)

In NERV medical centre, Misato was sat outside a locked room, on the other side of the room was a bed, and on that bed sat one Asuka Langley Soryu. Ritsuko approached the stoic Major from down the corridor, slowly coming up on her friend she rested a single hand on her shoulder.

"She's exhausted, I'm not sure how long it will be before she wakes up."

"I know… how is Rei?"

"Some minor bruises, she's resting in the normal ward… I suppose she'll be visited by Shinji soon."

"Which one? Rei or Asuka?"

"Both."

Ritsuko turned and faced Asuka, her face was distorted as she slept, she was definitely dreaming and probably a very bad nightmare at that. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence with her old friend Ritsuko cleared her throat and began to speak.

"The other two… we've checked them for injuries but they seem fine, we have them locked up downstairs for the time being."

"Heh heh, they put up quite a fight until Shinji came along, I don't think they expected Shinji to be as strong as he is."

"That's for sure, they seem quite content to sit in their cell for the time being, I'm pretty sure they're scared we'll call Shinji back if they start anything."

-

(3:45pm)

"Unhand us! We know our rights!"

"They know pretty good Japanese."

"Yeah, probably trained to infiltrate as well as pilot."

Misato and Ritsuko watched from a distance as the two captured entry plugs were opened, the two pilots forcibly dragged from their cockpits. The guards pulled guns on the boy and the girl and they both went silent, they struggled slightly as they had their handcuffs put on but beyond that they simply let it happen.

"We should be careful, they are still quite strong, they might overpower the guards."

No sooner had Ritsuko uttered her musing had the two kicked the guards that held them, quickly sprinting towards the nearest doorway. The guards brought up their weapons but noticed Shinji walking through the same entrance that the prisoners were heading towards. As Misato and Ritsuko yelled out, Shinji brought his head up and saw the two heading towards him, their plug suits being a dead give-away to their identities. With a smirk Shinji let the two approach him then just as the boy got his hands free and held out a knife, they both stopped dead and fell to the ground. A low level hexagonal field appeared before Shinji, he stepped towards the two and admired the large red lumps forming on their foreheads. He also noticed that the female pilot was quite cute under her light brown hair, even if her forehead would soon be large and red. He smirked again and walked past them, he headed towards his Guardian and her friend.

"Shinji… you can…"

"How else do you think I survived the explosion?"

"That's amazing, how long have you been able to do that?"

"About an hour I think."

"An hour?"

"Erm… I have just spent the last year focussing AT fields from inside the Eva, I know all the thoughts necessary to do it."

"That's amazing! I need to study this mor…"

Will Shinji Ikari report to the Commander's Office, Immediately.

With a smile and a wave, Shinji left the two, before Ritsuko could even finish her sentence, he once more headed past the prisoners, who stopped struggling entirely as he passed them.

-

(4:07pm)

"What do you mean, 'I am the scenario?'"

Gendo looked at Shinji through two sky blue eyes, although after a few seconds their returned to the same colour that Shinji usually sported.

"Shinji as you may have noticed… I too have the ability to change my eye colour with my emotions."

"Yes, I noticed that, it explains the glasses…"

"Not only that! But my emotions and my actions of late… unlike you Shinji I cannot control my emotions, I had to send you away at such a young age to protect you!"

"PROTECT ME? FROM WHAT?"

"SEELE…"

Gendo's eyes quickly began to fade into a sort of yellow focus, he looked up at a confused Shinji and then turned to the door that usually led to the holographic chamber he communicated with the Committee and Seele from.

"You see Shinji, SEELE is in command of NERV, they organise our resources and they have amazing control over the UN. It is also their intention to unite the human race into a single being, another _human_ angel."

"A human angel?"

"Yes, every soul in a single body… Yui and I however saw a different path, one that meant that human beings would be able to solve their problems because they would stop hiding their feelings from the world."

"Is that what is happening to me?"

"Yes, you see Shinji, by eliminating the walls that bind us within ourselves we can obtain a higher power alone, by releasing your emotions you have gained the ability to use your AT field, a feet never before performed by man!"

"That is all well and good… but I need something answered before I will believe any more of this…"

"Soryu?"

"Yes… did you…"

"Yes…"

-

(3:35pm)

I'm dead anyway, I might as well cause you as much pain as possible.

"Oh Asuka…"

As Shinji watched Asuka move into a firing position he gripped the sword as tightly as he could, he then forced his arm down so far that he began to spin in midair. Once he was spinning he got ready and waited, he saw Asuka go to pull the trigger and he released the sword. The anti-AT sword opened and flew down, directly in the path of the beam, Shinji's perfect timing saw the particle beam hit the sword dead on and cause a blinding flash for all those staring directly at it. Once the light dissipated the sword continued through the hole towards the geofront, Shinji continuing towards Unit 02 held out his arm ready to punch. As he hit the ground he hit Unit 02 with all his Eva's strength. Unit 02 hit the floor, hard, Shinji was ready to do more to incapacitate the Eva but he saw the light go from its eyes and he simply stood above it.

-

(4:20pm)

"Do you know how we're going to move this without the Evas?"

"Nope, you?"

"No idea."

Two NERV workmen stood looking up at the massive anti-AT buster sword stood blade down in the ground, the blade must have been buried at least six or seven metres down and the whole thing stood almost vertical in the ground.

-

(4:10pm)

"Kisama!"

Before Gendo could finish he found himself held up against the window by his throat, the otherwise small teenager finding it easy to lift his father above his head.

"Let me finish… in her mind…"

"What?"

With his grip loosened Shinji waited for his father to explain what he had said.

"SEELE have probably had her programmed from the beginning, I had always known they would have the ability to program the Second Child, I just didn't know how… and I suppose by sending her back I gave her on a silver platter."

"So you didn't do it?"

"No… the only woman I have ever touched in that way is your Mother… oh and the Akagis… but they don't count… I would never touch a child…"

Shinji lowered his father to the ground, he took a few steps back and retook his position on the chair, although this time not perched so triumphantly with his feet on the desk.

"So has Asuka been raped?"

"Most likely, whether it happened over the last few weeks or years ago, they needed the event to occur in order to make her believe I did it. It is easy to make a person relate an action to a specific person, it's just harder to do it without the event happening at all."

"She needed to know the memory of pain and fear, who that memory was of is immaterial…"

"Correct."

"Okay… tell me more about myself…"

-

(4:59pm)

"LET ME OUT! I'LL KILL YOU!"

Misato sat with her head against the wall of the corridor, inside the padded room, Asuka had woken up and immediately began thrashing around. She had destroyed almost every item in the room and she wasn't stopping any time soon. Misato was crouched on the floor, she had her knees brought up to her chest and she simply sat listening to her former charge. Asuka had woken up a short time ago, Ritsuko had immediately gone to find some porters to help her restrain the would be-enemy, Misato however simply couldn't take the image of Asuka in so much pain. It reminded her so much of her own pain that she simply couldn't take it, she just tried to block it out.

"Misato?"

Misato's head raised and tilted upwards to see who was addressing her, she followed the black trousers up to the dark t-shirt and the blue eyes that stared back at her. After a second she recognised she was looking at Shinji and behind Shinji was a fully dressed Rei, who was in turn still holding Shinji's hand.

"Shinji?"

"Here, let me help you up."

Shinji dropped his bag and with his free hand then pulled the woman to her feet, she stared at him for a second before she hugged him and broke down.

"I thought you were dead… then you weren't and Asuka was… and now she's… Shinji!"

"I know Misato… don't worry, I'm fine, Asuka's fine everything will be okay."

"But Asuka… is not the same…"

Shinji looked through the window, it was impossible for Asuka to simply forget her problems, it would take months, years to get her through this. The thought that she may never believe that Gendo is innocent crept across Shinji's mind, as much as he wanted to go in and be the knight in shining armour… he couldn't. In Asuka's mind he was little more than accomplice to rape, even though he had no part in the memory, false or otherwise, he was still his father's son. Shinji went up to the window and looked inside, Misato and Rei could both see the reflection of his deep pink eyes in the glass. He continued to stare through the window for some time, neither female was willing to pull him away, he just watched Asuka roll around screaming. At one point Asuka jumped at the window, causing it to shudder violently, Rei and Misato both jumped backwards, but Shinji just remained still. A few seconds after that Ritsuko had managed to round up some strong looking porters, they entered the room and converged on Asuka. After a couple of porters took furniture and limbs to the head, they manage to hold the girl down long enough for Ritsuko to sedate her. The entire time Shinji just stared through the window, his gaze fixed on the fiery-haired girl. Once she passed out, Shinji's right hand formed a fist and he turned to head down the corridor.

"Rei, stay here with Misato."

"Shinji…?"

"Just do it."

-

(5:05pm)

"What do we do? They never briefed us on what we should do if captured…"

"They briefed me… take this…"

In the NERV jail, the two enemy pilots had been placed in adjoining cells, the girl was the first to speak, her demeanour was very much like the old Shinji, the boy seemed the older of the two and he sat more like the new Shinji. The boy held out his hand to the girl, he had removed something from his mouth and split it in two, she looked and saw a small tablet. She stared at it quizzically for a moment, totally unsure of what the tablet was.

"What… is that?"

"What does it look like? It's cyanide… my brief was to ensure if we were captured to make sure none of us can be interrogated or tortured."

"Would they really torture us?"

"Yes, from what they said… I would rather die."

The girl reached out for the boy's hand, also she was unsure of her willingness to die, she would rather she had the option, should worst come to worst. As the boy's arm stretched closer to her she watched the tablets begin to move, before she could grab one she watched them fly off the boy's hand.

"I'll take them, if you don't mind."

"What… hey!"

The two tablets flew into a shadowed figure's hand, having heard a large portion of the conversation, the figure held out his hand once more. This time his free hand caused the boy's mouth to open, pulling the jaws wide there was a small squeal as a further, final tablet dislodged from a tooth and flew through the air. The figure held all three tablets and continued his approach to the two children.

"Dum dum dum dum de dum dum de dum…(Imperial march ;P)"

The two children moved to the back of their cells, the shadowed figure imposing an air of evil to them, once he reached the cages however he held out his hand and turned on the lights.

"Booo!"

"Who… what are you?"

"Who me? I'm just a pilot, like you… and you and Ayanami… and Asuka."

"You're the third child?"

"Sorry if you feel cheated, I'm sure your information is a little outdated, I'm not depressed, dead or comatose, I am however, upset at the current mental state of my ex-girlfriend."

Shinji looked between the two, he could tell from the sheer defiance that the male was the leader of the two, he opened the door with a simple twitch of his head. He moved into the cell and it shut behind him.

"Name."

"No."

"Name, now."

Shinji held out his hand once more, this time the boy was raised from the ground by his throat, an invisible hand holding him up, Shinji looked focussed but also quite tired.

"…my… name… Musashi…"

"Musashi, huh… maybe you would like to tell me all that you know about the second child."

Shinji released the boy from his forceful (bad bad bad pun) grip, moving back, it evident to the girl that Shinji neither enjoyed the experience or found it easy to perform. Although she had heard stories of Shinji the helpless child, she had also heard that he was a kind and gentle person, something she had been told by one of her friends. After a few moments of heavy breathing, Musashi rose to his feet, he looked Shinji in the eyes, then turned away.

"She… was the first pilot to be selected by Germany Branch… she beat me and she beat Mana."

The boy motioned towards his silent partner, who was still sat in the corner of her cell, although she seemed much less scared than before.

"So you are all prospective second children?"

"Yes in a way… the children designation was just something NERV created, even though Asuka was chosen to be pilot… it didn't stop them training us to be just as strong."

"That is all well and good, but I want to know what your superiors did to her."

"Oh that…"

At this point the girl gave a sort of gasp, she looked at her comrade with a sort of anxiety that made Shinji think she too knew very little of what had happened to the second child. Both remained silent, waiting for the apparent leader of the trio to explain everything.

-

Author note : Okay, I did like this disjointed style of writing, although it probably got quite confusing it did allow for you to still question whether or not Rei lived until a few paragraphs in. I know this story has so far been mostly full of turmoil as its darkest factor and added the whole Asuka rape bit in has probably sent it well into evil, but it is a necessary factor to her behaviour. I would like to make the following points however:

A) Yes Gendo is good, get over it.

B) Yes Mana is in it, no she is not becoming a major love interest.

C) No the comparison between Shinji and Darth Vader will not be ongoing, it was just added for fun in this chapter.

Anyway, next chapter soon… oh shit… bollocks, forget what I said about this story ending soon, I've just thought of how to make it go on… and on… I'll never revise at this rate! Sigh please review and let me know what you think of the story,

Waya


	12. Back to the Future

Disclaimer : I do not own Evangelion, although like many others I wish I did. I own none of the characters. This is a normal Eva fic, not sure about Eva battles because I am trying to focus on Shinji's torment and hopeful revenge, hehe. Addition (18 months after starting) screw that last bit, this whole chapter is an eva battle! WHOO! Read and Review, I need criticism and I need to know people are reading this garbage. Anyhoo, on with the show!

Right then

'Thought'

"Speech"

"(Actions in speech)"

Radio 

Quick note : Some people have mentioned confusion between who is speaking when, I know myself it's not very clear… however, in most cases it is implied by what they say and how they say it. If it isn't clear, and especially if it's a generic line that any of the characters could say then I leave it up to your imagination. E.g. if we're in the command centre and someone yells "Oh my god!" or "Detecting high energy emissions" it could be any of the techs, it's up to you who says it, while "Give me a report!" will be more likely Misato although there may be something in the bulk text indicating its more likely Ritsuko, either way lines like that rarely have massive impact on the story anyway!

-

"It is unimaginable that all three of our Evangelions would be defeated, even more so that the pilots would be held captive."

"I was not in our projections…"

"We thought preparations would be made to eliminate the use of Unit 01."

"Well it would appear that the preparations failed…"

"There was no way to know he would be able to call forth an AT field."

"Was this Ikari's plan all along?"

The great monoliths went silent as all attention turned towards the largest, darkest monolith, labelled '01'.

"We must change our scenario, although we knew Ikari had his own plans, we never imagined his plans would contradict our own."

"I do not see how we can counter the threat that the Third Child now represents…"

"It may be necessary to activate our fail safe…"

There was a long silence after this, all monoliths, had they had eyes would have been glancing between each other before their leader spoke once more.

"That will be considered at a later date, although extreme it might be the only way to bring our plans to fruition…"

-

"In exchange for your co-operation we will be moving you to a more… comfortable residence."

The two enemy teens followed the tall, purple haired Major along the winding corridors of NERV, their hands inside large metal manacles, although they seemed to show no intention of attempting to escape. Over the past week or so the two had been answering NERV's questions honestly, or at least convincingly, they seemed to have very little actual tie to their country. In the eight days since Shinji stopped the two of them from killing themselves, they had been sat quietly in their cell and had been responsive to all the questions that Misato, Ritsuko, Gendo, Maya, Shinji, Rei, anyone had to ask. Most of the staff were confused by their change of heart but from what they could determine, Shinji had said something that caused them to change their minds. It took little time for their co-operation to be recognised and they now were being moved to secure living quarters within the Geofront. Since the attack on Tokyo-3, the city itself had been totally evacuated, the only remaining people were NERV workers within the Geofront. The city was deserted and all personnel were moved into accommodation underground, the most secure of the rooms reserved for the Command Staff and the Evangelion pilots. It was irony that the very rooms that were keeping the evangelion pilots from harm from the outside world, were being used to protect the outside world from the two captured pilots.

Misato opened a door and stepped inside, the two pilots followed her and immediately stopped with a gasp. The room they had entered was bright white, the carpets were a light blue and the wallpaper had a single horizontal, blue stripe all the way around the room. In the centre was a large living area with couches and a large television, there seemed to be several steps down to the living area that made the room look even bigger. They noticed to the left was a square arch-way that seemed so lead into another room while the other sides of the room had electronic sliding doors, each door was outlined by the single blue line splitting at the frame. The room was totally spotless, it smelt like well-cooked food and best of all, it was pleasantly warm. Remembering how cold the cells got the two almost fell to their knees in joy when they felt the warm air against their skin. Misato turned to them and swiped her card over the red circles on their manacles, causing a brief flash before the cuffs opened. The large steel orbs fell to the floor although there was still a light black wristband on their left wrists with the same red circle on it. The two enemy pilots looked at her with confusion, after a couple of moments of her giving them the once over, the boy, Musashi stepped forwards.

"What's going on here? This place is a palace!"

"You requested relocation, this is where you have been assigned."

"I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but this place looks like it's made for guests of honour, not prisoners of war!"

"Don't get me wrong, you being assigned here was against my wishes, but it seems you made a good impression on the Commander."

Internally Misato knew this was not true, the Commander was just as emotionless as ever to most, he would never have approved the move if it wasn't for his only weakness. The only major difference in NERV since the attack was the Commander's sudden adoration of his son. Although not entirely understood by most, it had become a very visible spectacle around NERV as the two, who had previously shared only the odd word, now spent large amounts of the day talking. The only thing that could have convinced the Commander to let the two enemy prisoners live in such a high level suite is about 170 centimetres tall with long hair and alternating eye colours. The subject of her thoughts came through one of the blue bordered doors.

"Morning Misato, Musashi… Mana-chan."

"(Sigh) Good Morning Shinji."

"Hi…"

"Good Morning Shinji-kun."

"So are they ready to move in, me and Rei cleaned up the place last night."

"Move in?"

Musashi and Mana stared at Misato, Misato just stared at Shinji, normally she would never have let Shinji live anywhere near the enemy, but then again, if an N2 mine couldn't kill him then really what did she have to worry about. At the same time she knew that the two couldn't access anything of importance due to their bracelets, they would only be able to live in the apartment, they wouldn't be able to leave or access special systems, no matter how good their training was. So she resigned herself, Shinji gave a victorious smile as his Guardian slouched, sighed and began rubbing her head. Both of the foreign pilots looked between the two, both slightly catching on to the fact that it was probably Shinji's influence that they got such good accommodation. Misato turned to the two and slowly opened her eyes.

"As you both know, the bracelets on your wrists stop you from accessing any of the major systems or allow you through any unauthorised doors. So the best you can do is change the channel on the TV. Secondly, your living here is probationary, if things go wrong in any way, you will be immediately moved. Lastly, your 'parole officer' is Shinji, he is in charge around here and your staying here is entirely dependent on him, now I need some beer… see you later Shinji."

Misato glanced over her shoulder to Shinji before she walked out the room, the doors slid shut behind her and that left the three evangelion pilots alone. After a few awkward moments of silence Mana lifted her head slightly.

"T…thank you Shinji-kun."

Shinji looked at her and smiled widely.

"You're welcome Mana-chan. Now to give the two of you the grand tour! The first door on the right is the kitch…"

Shinji put his hand on the small of Mana's back as he pushed her towards the door he pointed out. As he moved Mana blushed and stumbled along with him, Musashi on the other hand stayed totally still, giving Shinji the same cold stare he gave Misato when he first entered the room. After Shinji noticed that only he and Mana were moving he stopped and turned to the stationary pilot.

"What do you want from us?"

Shinji took a moment to think about the question, he turned away from the two, then looked down slightly, before he looked up with light pink eyes.

"I want… I want you to experience what Asuka experienced here before all this happened…"

Shinji then quickly turned, catching Mana off balance, he pushed her through the archway into the kitchen. Musashi gave a small smirk after his face softened, he then joined the two in the kitchen, finding another person was stood at the stove. Rei turned to them with a small smile, she had an apron on and a handkerchief tied on her head to keep her hair up.

"Hey Rei, that smells good! What's in it?"

"It's just plain old miso Shinji, hope you two like it!"

"I've never really had it before actually R… Rei-san. How about you Musa-kun?"

"Wha… I… er…"

Musashi blushed a little, his demeanour also visibly changed as though his cold controlling exterior gave in to the general anarchy of emotion and questions that the situation filled him with. After stuttering for a few seconds he stopped himself and took a deep breath.

"Miso soup is fine, thank you First Child."

"Musashi!"

Mana jumped out between her partner and the rightly designated first child, she quickly turned from scolding the former and bowed to the latter.

"I apologise Rei-san, Musashi can be very rude sometimes! He's just used to calling people by their designations."

Rei was stood looking somewhere between confused, hurt and indifferent, if such a facial expression was possible.

"That is alright, that designation is correct after-all."

Shinji gave her a small slap on the back of her head, one just enough to be felt but not enough to cause any real discomfort.

"Rei, I've told you, if something bothers you… say so, it's the only way people will know not to do it again."

"I know Shinji… I am trying."

"I know you are…"

Shinji hugged Rei, his hand resting on the back of her head, lightly stroking her hair, they stood there for a second before there was a coughing sound. They immediately jumped apart when they noticed Mana was stood blushing heavily attempting to not look like she had been staring, while Musashi looked unimpressed and authoritative. As Rei jumped back she knocked the pan of miso causing some to spill and the following display of albino stumbling and shrieking left all three who watched sweat-dropping.

-

"This is really good Rei! Well done! How do you like it Mana-chan?"

Mana looked incredibly sheepish as she quickly chewed and swallowed the large portion of miso she has guzzled, she felt the solid lumps of soya slide down her throat and she managed to get out a muffled 'very good!'. Musashi hid the fact that he enjoyed the soup very much, his face remaining cold, although Shinji and Rei could see that he had finished his bowl before anyone else had eaten half. Rei looked fairly embarrassed as the praise came in, it was pretty obvious that she was not used to the compliments, at least, from anyone else but Shinji.

"So we were wondering what you guys want to do tonight."

"Excuse me?"

Musashi once more gave Shinji a calculating glance, unsure of the boy's intentions or desires. Shinji looked back with the same carefree face he always did, at least, the one he looked back with now. Mana looked to her partner, she was also fairly unsure of exactly what was being asked of them.

"You know, it's your first night! You get to pick what we do! As we can't leave this room we have to amuse ourselves!"

"Normally Shinji and I watch a movie, but on occasion we have sat and listened to music, or simply talked. The choice is yours."

Mana and Musashi looked at each other, it became painfully apparent to both Shinji and Rei, that neither had ever been given such an option before. In fact, from the looks on their faces it looked as though it took a few seconds for them to realise what a 'movie' was. After a few moments of whispering, Mana turned to Shinji and lowered her head slightly.

"Erm… by movie… do you mean like moving film? By action films? Superman and Michael Caine?"

"Yes, Nerv has quite the collection, but steer clear of post second impact, it gets pretty bleak."

"…"

"What was that?"

"We've never watched a real movie before…"

"I have… right before Mother was taken away."

A second passed after this, Mana shocked at the minor revelation, while Shinji and Rei watched in a mild sympathy.

"Would you like to watch a film?"

"I don't suppose you have 'Back to the Future : Part 2'?"

"I'll check the list."

-

Mana sat in a sort of awkwardness throughout the film, she also felt a mild discomfort, on one side she had Shinji and Rei. A couple who, despite their outward affection for one another, never kissed or acted as couples do. That being said, she herself was the last person in the world to understand interpersonal relationships. She noted the affection that Shinji gave to herself, which was slightly different to Rei, but at the same time his tone was always similar. Still the two had sat, with Rei leant against his shoulder for the duration, their hands entwined yet not once had either of their lips touched the other. She knew Japanese society frowned on public displays of affection more than other countries, but still this situation was far from public. On her other side however, she had the stoic visage of her life-long… acquaintance, Musashi. He had spent the entire movie staring at the screen, his eyes never left it but at the same time she sensed that he was looking through it, into memories. As she sat, scanning him, taking in his position and posture, she realised that she really didn't know all that much about Musashi. She had known him for over ten years, ever since the trials for the Second Child, she had trained with him day in day out, yet he never spoke of his life outside the walls.

As the film began to reach its climax, the heroes chasing the villain in their respective cars, the hovering one and the normal one, she began to drift into her own little dream world. She realised that although she had always been very outgoing and friendly, Musashi had never shown her anything. In the beginning it had been simple, rivals one and all, there had initially been four of them, although her best efforts failed to materialise a name to their missing number. This fact still upset her. Anyway, it had originally been the four of them, Asuka, Musashi, the other and her. Initially the other, a boy like Musashi, had been fairly friendly, the only one to give Mana the time of day. Musashi and Asuka seemed to have a rivalry from day one, but at least Asuka did open herself up to Mana and the other. This being said, Asuka was far from friendly, she would talk with Mana and the other, showing a vague interest in their lives, although that may just have been a way to spite Musashi. 'I have friends and you don't!' Yet this kindness began to fade over time as well, at the time neither she nor the other could understand Asuka's actions, it was only now, knowing about Asuka's mother and her fate that Mana understood.

After Asuka's mother got ill, Asuka became more competitive, she had to beat Musashi, that way, in her head, Asuka would have proven her worth to her mother. Musashi seemed to try just as hard, Mana had wondered exactly what had driven them both so far, and while Asuka was explained, Musashi remained shrouded in mystery, even now. Mana never really had the drive, there was nothing to push her, she supposed it was due to her parents dying soon after she was born. She felt no direct impulse to push herself to show off for her foster-parents, as kind as they were, they seemed to love her the way she was. So as the competition intensified Mana found herself falling back, Musashi and Asuka ran ahead, striving for the goal of being an elite, even the other kept up with them for a time. In fact, it got to a point were the heat was on only Asuka and the other, Musashi had fallen back for some reason. Then there was that day.

A day shortly before Asuka was designated 'the Second Child', they were on one of the final tests, an obstacle course. This was unlike the others, it was dangerous. They had all gone over assault courses before, but never one with no safety features at all, Mana remembered being afraid. That morning had been like most others, except it rained. Musashi had been much happier during the previous days, but that day he was very solemn, he didn't look like he was ready to fight Asuka at all. Asuka had fire in her eyes and the other just stood calmly like he always did. They went off on the assault course, quickly making their way through tires and tunnels, over netting and doing other physically exerting activities. Musashi was behind her, and it wasn't long before the other and Asuka were out of sight. That was when it happened, when she and Musashi reached the final corner and the end was in sight. Asuka was already there.

Asuka was stood on the stage, she was looking down a large gully with some climbing apparatus constructed above it. Her eyes showed a sort of mixture of pity, arrogance and smugness, and they were directed at a certain point in the valley below. It took Mana a few seconds to navigate the obstacles and get a view down the hole, although when she looked she wished hadn't. For at the bottom of the hole was the shaded and mangled carcass of the other, his spine severed in several places and his limbs distorted out of shape. Mana knew straight away that he was dead, she knew that we wasn't coming back, she accepted it. Musashi stepped to the edge and looked down, he too showed pity but also some compassion. Yet Asuka remained, as the officers came around, quickly running down to check on the child, one each heading to the various children. Mana and Musashi were escorted away quickly from the site, Mana lost sight of the other, but she could see Asuka. Asuka refused to move, she only moved away after the man holding her seemed to confirm to the others nearby that the other was in fact, dead.

It wasn't long after that when Asuka was elevated to the position of second child, Mana remembered the smug look on her face, although in the years since, she had befriended Asuka, the memory of that look still disgusted her. Yet it was short-lived, it was only a few days later that she remembered going to the graveyard, Asuka's mother had died and the light in Asuka's eyes seemed to die with her. Life was pretty repetitive after that, all three would train, although only Asuka in an actual Eva, they all got higher education, they were all pilots. It took a few years before she and Asuka became friends, but Musashi always seemed to want to keep his distance. That being said, she got less out of Asuka in years of friendship than she had from Musashi, the only thing Asuka talked about in recent years was Kaji. She never mentioned anything else, nothing else… not what Musashi had told Shinji.

-

"So you knew?"

"What they did to her? Yeah."

"How could you let them do it?"

"How could I let them? There was no letting? You don't seem to realise just who these people are! They aren't like your precious commander, or even like a government official! No, they're beyond that, they are omnipotent, they can do anything… anything."

"Who are they?"

"Seele."

"So he told the truth."

Shinji and Musashi stood opposite each other for a few moments, Musashi giving Shinji the once over while Shinji seemed to just stare into space. After an eternity had passed Shinji looked into the boy's eyes.

"What did they do?"

"I'm not sure of exactly what, I just remember overhearing them talk about 'imprinting'."

"What about it?"

"Just that they said they could take the memory from before and put 'those two' in place."

"'Those two' being my father and Professor Fuyutsuki, do you know what happened and when?"

"I'm not stupid, I know what must have happened… but I don't know when, I think it must have been long ago, right after her mother died, she had some pretty bad mood-swings, it wouldn't have been as easy to notice…"

"…umm… excuse me…"

Mana's voice came out like a squeak, she wasn't entirely sure what she was doing or what was happening, it was all moving far too fast. But she had to ask the one question burning in her mind.

"What… what was it exactly… that they did to Asuka?"

Shinji could see that she was being totally honest, he wanted to explode but he knew that the girl was just as much of a pawn as everyone else, she didn't deserve his anger. At the same time he couldn't explain and keep a straight face, thankfully the boy named Musashi spoke first.

"They raped her, Mana. Do you understand this word?"

Mana shook her head, for a degree-level physicist she knew very little of the world around her, she trained and studied and stayed at home, she had never really experienced the outside world. Even though she didn't understand the word, it didn't stop her shaking uncontrollably simply from how Musashi said it.

"It means… it's…"

"They took Asuka, restrained her, then abused her in the worst possible ways."

Even Shinji was surprised at the restraint he showed in describing the act, at first Mana didn't seem to understand but after a few moments she got a shocked look on her face that could only be the look of realisation. She slid down to her knees soon after and passed out. Musashi looked at Shinji, he stared into his deep pink eyes, then back down to Mana.

"If you plan on doing the same to Mana… I will kill you."

"I don't know what you think of us… we are the good guys."

"Good guys… heh"

"Well it's a sorry state when the 'Good-guys' rape innocent children, so which side do you think you're on?"

Musashi looked at Shinji for a moment, although he knew that the second child had been brainwashed and raped, he still believed that Tokyo-3 was worse. It was irrational, admittedly, but then when the only person in the world you care about could be in peril, how could you choose to ignore the warnings. He looked at Shinji with a neutral gesture, it was neither believing nor confrontational.

"How about a deal? You co-operate and I'll see what I can do for you two."

"See what you can do?"

"More comfortable accommodation, better food, nice clothes, anything you want… within reason."

"And if your people torture or abuse us in any way?"

"Then I'll break you out of here myself."

"That's not something I can put stock in…"

"You've read my file, you remember what I threatened to do after the unit 04 disaster?"

"Heh, you have yourself a deal."

-

The words 'To be Concluded' came up on the screen, with the kanji symbols underneath, Mana snapped out of her trance along with Musashi and the other two. After a few moments of stretching and Shinji moving to turn the lights on, he and Rei turned to the prisoners.

"What did you think?"

"It was really good… but I zoned out a little towards the end…"

Mana blushed and smiled at Shinji and Rei, they both seemed to enjoy the film, she quickly turned to Musashi, although she was in for a shock. Musashi was sat still staring at the screen, his eyes were red and puffy, they also glistened in the light and tear tracks were visible down his face.

"Musa-kun?"

"That was… the first time Mother took me to the cinema… and the last time I saw her."

"Musashi…"

Musashi stood up and wiped his eyes clean, although they were still red he was no longer crying.

"When… I was young… before the second child was chosen… my mother took me to see that film… I was so happy… then a couple of days later she died in an accident in the lab."

Mana felt a sudden compulsion to hug the boy, she had tried several times before, but it had gone ignored he never opened up. She thought this time would be the same but as she wrapped her arms around him she felt arms on her back and he pulled her into his chest. Shinji walked up behind the two, Mana silently cursing the boy as he placed on hand on Musashi's shoulder.

"I remember losing my mother also, it's good to know that the time you spent with her was joyous."

"Yeah…"

Shinji looked like he was going to do more to help but he felt himself dragged being into the kitchen by Rei, who was quite shocked at her own ability to sense the mood of the room. They both peered around the corner and saw the two pilots hugging still, Musashi's head buried deep into Mana's shoulder. Without much reason Shinji and Rei pulled each other together, hugging, quietly losing themselves in sad memories and each other's warmth.

-

Sometime later Mana left Musashi's room, she had helped him in there and spent a lot of time holding him. As she walked out into the living area she found Rei was straightening the couch out from the film, Mana silently moved some pillows to the corners of the couches. After they were finished Rei looked like she was about to go to bed, but Mana stopped her.

"Rei-san?"

"Yes pilot-Kurashima?"

"Is Shinji-kun in bed?"

"Yes."

"Is it possible for me to see Asuka?"

"No, not on your own."

"Could you accompany me?"

"Yes, but I will have to request an armed guard… procedure."

"I understand… can we go now?"

"If you wish."

-

"Rei-san… what do you think of this… this whole situation?"

Mana and Rei were walking along a corridor roughly side-by-side with a single armed guard behind them, they had spent the first few minutes in total silence.

"Of which situation do you speak?"

"This… living arrangement… you, me, Shinji and Musashi?"

"I believe it is convenient to keep us all in the same space…"

"Is that all?"

"I would normally only do as ordered… but Shinji and I discussed it… although having you around would possibly present a threat to myself and Shinji… he had great faith that you were good people and… that being with us would perhaps make you happier people."

"Happier people?"

"Yes… it is strange to say it… but of late… Shinji has had that effect on people. We have arrived."

Mana looked to her other side, true enough she was on the other side of the window to Asuka. She had not seen the child since they set off for their mission, she did not look well. Asuka was thin, obviously as a result of a form of hunger strike, she also looked tired, like she was constantly at some level of consciousness, not trusting the world enough to ever sleep. She was balled up in the corner of the room, away from everything, the upturned bed, the broken chairs and the various piles of glass that littered the sides of the room. After a few seconds of shock, attempting to take in the sight, Mana turned to Rei and the guard.

"Could I possibly… have a few moments alone with her?"

Rei turned to the guard who gave her a nod, the two moved out of earshot but not far enough to be out of sight or too far to grab her quickly. After a few seconds Mana grabbed the microphone attached to the window-ledge.

"A… Asuka… I'm not sure if you can hear me… so I'm just going to say what I came here to say… I hope you get better Asuka… I hope we can get back to how it was before… be friends again… I know you think people here have done terrible things to you… but it's not true… they are good people… and Shinji… Shinji is exactly how you described him… at least how you described him before we left on the mission… And Musashi! Musashi actually cried… I mean I've never seen either of you cry… so it was a first… I was always crying when we were little so I guess it's never a shock to you when I do… but Musashi… and it was about his mother too… I never knew she died in the labs… it happened right before you got made pilot… you remember… just before… before he died… I wish I could remember his name… the other one… the other pilot. I feel like I am insulting his memory by forgetting his name but no matter how hard I try he just escapes me… every time… I remember his grey hair… and who could forget those red eyes… but never the name… the nam…"

Nagisa… 

"Asuka?"

His name… was Kawouru Nagisa… Kaw… Ka… AHHHHHHH! 

-

Author note : Okay okay, I know 'I'll finish this soon' well I had a hectic time, had my exams, went to Europe for a month and things so I couldn't get back to finish. Was considering taking this story several directions, one or two involved loads more chapters with more and more twists… but that'll take forever! I figure it is better to try and finish this soon, maybe a few more chapters but not too many. If I am unsatisfied I might make a spin off or something… heck there is nothing stopping any readers making a spin-off… just as long as you ask permission first! I had initially decided to spread this out with lots of filler chapters focusing on more light-hearted mini-adventures and fun… a "Fumoffu" if you will (see Full Metal Panic) instead I figured I would give the characters some more depth, some more links and twists, and finish it quite seriously like "the Second Raid" (see FMP). Anyway hopefully get the next one up within a week or so (didn't help that I got serious writers block for this one)


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